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    09 Feb '14 20:303 edits
    Have you ever noticed that when someone gets critiqued, the tendency is for one, or both, parties to become angry?

    I think the culprit is pride. Either the person being critiqued is wrong, or the person who is critiquing feels offended by the truth due to pride.

    In the end, it is only pride that ruins our day when we critique or are critiqued. Of course, it is also possible to have both parties wrong as well.

    I think it is better to be humble than proud. After all, if you are the bottom looking up you see everything above you while nothing is below you. However, if you are looking down you fail to see what is above you.
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    09 Feb '14 21:25
    Originally posted by whodey
    Have you ever noticed that when someone gets critiqued, the tendency is for one, or both, parties to become angry?

    I think the culprit is pride. Either the person being critiqued is wrong, or the person who is critiquing feels offended by the truth due to pride.

    In the end, it is only pride that ruins our day when we critique or are critiqued. Of cour ...[text shortened]... while nothing is below you. However, if you are looking down you fail to see what is above you.
    Its a matter of perspective. No one really likes someone to tell them they are doing something all wrong. However if you view it as the person is trying to make you a better person then you will welcome the instruction even though it may be painful or you may not entirely agree with it. The tendency is to shoot the messenger because you don't like the message whereas the counsel might actually be very good.
  3. Joined
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    09 Feb '14 21:30
    Originally posted by robbie carrobie
    Its a matter of perspective. No one really likes someone to tell them they are doing something all wrong. However if you view it as the person is trying to make you a better person then you will welcome the instruction even though it may be painful or you may not entirely agree with it. The tendency is to shoot the messenger because you don't like the message whereas the counsel might actually be very good.
    I notice that the most painful criticisms sometimes have at least a grain of truth, or hook themselves onto an existing insecurity. Sorting these out takes (and builds) maturity.
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    09 Feb '14 21:52
    Originally posted by robbie carrobie
    Its a matter of perspective. No one really likes someone to tell them they are doing something all wrong. However if you view it as the person is trying to make you a better person then you will welcome the instruction even though it may be painful or you may not entirely agree with it. The tendency is to shoot the messenger because you don't like the message whereas the counsel might actually be very good.
    It reminds me of the proverb, a fool despises correction. For it is the fool who thinks that he never needs it and would rather enjoy the world of his folly than embrace the truth.
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    10 Feb '14 09:13
    Originally posted by JS357
    I notice that the most painful criticisms sometimes have at least a grain of truth, or hook themselves onto an existing insecurity. Sorting these out takes (and builds) maturity.
    yes, even if we don't always agree with the counsel, the counsel itself might be good and like you say, will build maturity. for example you might be naturally jocular, someone may point out that there are times for it and times not for it, you might think that the world needs cheering up ad there is so much care of every hand, or you could say, yes, there are times for it and times to refrain from it and thus the counsel is good despite our reservations or personal preferences.
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    10 Feb '14 09:18
    Originally posted by whodey
    It reminds me of the proverb, a fool despises correction. For it is the fool who thinks that he never needs it and would rather enjoy the world of his folly than embrace the truth.
    The real art is given correction in a way that leaves the person feeling dignified and that they will benefit from its application. It also helps immensely if you respect the person giving the counsel as one having your best interests at heart, this is why José Mourinho is such a successful soccer manager in my opinion, not only is he brilliant within himself he is a peoples person and his players are like sons to him, they sense that he really cares about them and he has confidence in them and they have confidence in him.
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    10 Feb '14 15:09
    Originally posted by robbie carrobie
    The real art is given correction in a way that leaves the person feeling dignified and that they will benefit from its application. It also helps immensely if you respect the person giving the counsel as one having your best interests at heart, this is why José Mourinho is such a successful soccer manager in my opinion, not only is he brilliant with ...[text shortened]... e that he really cares about them and he has confidence in them and they have confidence in him.
    Yes, but I hate soccer!! 😠

    Other than that, all good points. 😉
  8. SubscriberSuzianne
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    10 Feb '14 15:24
    Originally posted by whodey
    Have you ever noticed that when someone gets critiqued, the tendency is for one, or both, parties to become angry?

    I think the culprit is pride. Either the person being critiqued is wrong, or the person who is critiquing feels offended by the truth due to pride.

    In the end, it is only pride that ruins our day when we critique or are critiqued. Of cour ...[text shortened]... while nothing is below you. However, if you are looking down you fail to see what is above you.
    What if someone walked up to you and said, "I heard your hobby is dropping puppies from overpasses and you think black children are so cute you think everyone should own one."

    Wouldn't your first reaction be something akin to, "What?!?! How dare you say that to me!"

    Is it really pride guiding your actions at that point?
  9. SubscriberSuzianne
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    10 Feb '14 15:26
    Originally posted by robbie carrobie
    The real art is given correction in a way that leaves the person feeling dignified and that they will benefit from its application. It also helps immensely if you respect the person giving the counsel as one having your best interests at heart, this is why José Mourinho is such a successful soccer manager in my opinion, not only is he brilliant with ...[text shortened]... e that he really cares about them and he has confidence in them and they have confidence in him.
    Is this how you get converts right after accusing them of being pagans and sacrificing children at midnight?
  10. Standard memberCalJust
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    10 Feb '14 16:20
    Originally posted by whodey
    Have you ever noticed that when someone gets critiqued, the tendency is for one, or both, parties to become angry?

    I think the culprit is pride. Either the person being critiqued is wrong, or the person who is critiquing feels offended by the truth due to pride.

    In the end, it is only pride that ruins our day when we critique or are critiqued. Of cour ...[text shortened]... while nothing is below you. However, if you are looking down you fail to see what is above you.
    Actually, I don't mind so much people getting angry, or even abusive, which (as you rightly pointed out) is fairly common on this site.

    What gets my goat far more is when a party refuses to even consider and respond to a fairly well reasoned argument, and immediately reverts to the standard : " This is the way it is because I say this is the way it is!" Followed by a variation of: " And you will burn in hell if you don't agree with me!"

    This is, alas, the knee-jerk reaction I have received every single time from the likes of RJH, and others that should know better.

    Please note: I am NOT saying all my arguments are right and even valid, but please say why, and not that " God told me so!"
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    10 Feb '14 17:43
    Originally posted by Suzianne
    Is this how you get converts right after accusing them of being pagans and sacrificing children at midnight?
    If you were a fisher of men instead of an aquarium keeper you would know how someone brings their life into harmony with Biblical standards.
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    10 Feb '14 17:44
    Originally posted by whodey
    Yes, but I hate soccer!! 😠

    Other than that, all good points. 😉
    you hate soccer? soccer is like chess, its strategic and tactical.
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    10 Feb '14 18:29
    Originally posted by robbie carrobie
    you hate soccer? soccer is like chess, its strategic and tactical.
    and slow.
  14. SubscriberSuzianne
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    10 Feb '14 18:40
    Originally posted by robbie carrobie
    If you were a fisher of men instead of an aquarium keeper you would know how someone brings their life into harmony with Biblical standards.
    You have absolutely no idea of my harvest. For one thing, I don't have to lie to them with made-up scripture or tell them ridiculous stories like Jesus is just an angel.
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    10 Feb '14 21:03
    Originally posted by Suzianne
    You have absolutely no idea of my harvest. For one thing, I don't have to lie to them with made-up scripture or tell them ridiculous stories like Jesus is just an angel.
    wow, you keep looking after those aquariums and let us go fishing for men.
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