Originally posted by epiphinehas
[b]We're talking about the potential infinite suffering of my soul here and all you seem to be offering me is a vague notion that in order to gain some insight into how to save my soul I have to approach the Bible from the outset, as if it is true?
It's not a vague notion, that's exactly what I'm saying.
In order to understand the Bible I mu of it all. If he truly was available to me, I wanted to meet him.
That's about it.
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[/b]No, you can understand the Bible, given sufficient study, without believing it. What faith can afford you is the means of demonstrating that God's kingdom is real.
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This is interesting because I was a Christian for most of my life (I “accepted” Christ as a kid through my Mother’s gentle coaxing, but did not begin to truly feel the lord’s presence in my life until about 16-17), and my faith was just fine until I started truly studying the Bible. My assumptions about the Bible were that it was all perfectly true (if not perfectly clear), and if I could know the Bible better then I could know God better.
So, I studied the Bible for years, consulted with dozens of people over the rough bits, sought out people with a background in Hebrew, even had a conversation with a Rabbi that lasted through two meals and well into the night (to this day the best conversation I have ever had). Do I think this makes me an expert? Hardly…all I’m trying to prove is that I have tried very hard to understand what is in the Bible, surely much harder than most of the Christians I have encountered through the course of my life. Further, this was not an entirely intellectual pursuit on my part; I spent the better part of a year trying to teach myself to read the Bible with my heart rather than my eyes/brain. I prayed continually, asking God to grant me further insights…I honestly don’t know what else I could have done.
My study of the Word eventually led me to Theodicy, and after experiencing the backward logic and intellectual dishonesty rampant in the field, and still lacking an acceptable level of confidence in the Bible, I abandoned my faith. I wrote off the feelings and experiences that I had had which made God real to me as wishful thinking, and I moved on…I have never been happier.
This process took 14 years. I tried to stop a number of times because it was negatively affecting my faith, and I wanted to love God more than I wanted to understand his book, but I kept coming back to it…like a junkie to his drug of choice. Abandoning my faith was the second hardest thing I have ever done, and while I’m doing very well now the process was agonizing.
I continue to study the Bible at a much more relaxed pace, and I seek out theists to fellowship with because I have a strong intellectual curiosity for why everyone does not come to the same conclusion I did. Maybe I just want to know what is wrong with them, more likely I want to know what is wrong with me. Many of them question my original faith, suggesting it was not “real” to begin with. Some question my search/study, which makes me very angry since I worked so hard at it and invested so much time into it. Here is the rub though…ALL of them tell me that as things stand now I will probably not be invited into God’s Kingdom when the time comes. Now, this doesn’t really bother me since I don’t believe in God or His Kingdom, but I’m always very curious to know what they think God will say to me if I ever stand in judgment before Him. I didn’t look hard enough? I didn’t position my tongue the right way when I prayed? What?
I’ll tell you one thing, if I ever find myself in the unenviable position of being told by God that I did not jump through the proper hoops, and consequently must depart from him…I won’t be going quietly.
PS – I sure hope this is reasonably interesting to people because if it isn’t it’s about 10 minutes they aren’t ever getting back…sorry so long.
13 Jul '08 11:03
Is Jesus inferior to God?
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