1. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
    USA
    Joined
    14 Jul '07
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    43012
    18 Feb '10 12:20
    Language Crimes



    "Language Crimes are back, thanks to the low wattage church ladies with typewriters and laptops. These sentences

    (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services within the USA:



    * "The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

    * The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water..' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

    * Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping
    around the house. Bring your husbands.

    * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love..
    Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

    * Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

    * Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

    * For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

    * Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

    * Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
    So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

    * A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..

    * At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    * Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members
    and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    * Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    * Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..

    * The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

    * Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

    * The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

    * This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
    Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

    * Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch
    in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

    * The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him
    their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

    * Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

    * The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
    The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

    * Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

    * The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'"




    πŸ˜€
  2. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
    USA
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    18 Feb '10 13:45
    Moved from the gf moments ago.
  3. Standard memberBosse de Nage
    ZellulΓ€rer Automat
    Spiel des Lebens
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    18 Feb '10 14:09
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    Moved from the gf moments ago.
    Exiled for crimes against language, GB.
  4. Account suspended
    Joined
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    38239
    18 Feb '10 14:10
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    Moved from the gf moments ago.
    Lol, always a pleasure Gramps πŸ™‚
  5. Territories Unknown
    Joined
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    20408
    18 Feb '10 14:15
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    [b]Language Crimes



    "Language Crimes are back, thanks to the low wattage church ladies with typewriters and laptops. These sentences

    (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services within the USA:



    * "The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

    * The sermon this morning: ...[text shortened]... campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'"




    πŸ˜€[/b]
    Holy crap those were funny.
    Thanks!
  6. Joined
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    18 Feb '10 16:171 edit
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    * The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'"
    Same to you fella!! 😠

    πŸ˜€
  7. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
    USA
    Joined
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    43012
    18 Feb '10 16:24
    How about the old sign above the entrance to the nursery...

    "We shall not all sleep but we shall all be changed."
  8. Standard memberSwissGambit
    Caninus Interruptus
    2014.05.01
    Joined
    11 Apr '07
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    92274
    18 Feb '10 17:30
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    ...thanks to the low wattage church ladies with typewriters and laptops...
    That's just the thing to keep this oft-forwarded email fresh: a nice, misogynistic introductory paragraph. Really draws the reader in. πŸ™„
  9. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
    USA
    Joined
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    43012
    18 Feb '10 21:17
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    That's just the thing to keep this oft-forwarded email fresh: a nice, misogynistic introductory paragraph. Really draws the reader in. πŸ™„
    Pleased you're pleased. Thanks for stopping by.
  10. Territories Unknown
    Joined
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    19 Feb '10 00:30
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    That's just the thing to keep this oft-forwarded email fresh: a nice, misogynistic introductory paragraph. Really draws the reader in. πŸ™„
    Always one to spot the crust on any bread, eh?
  11. Standard memberSwissGambit
    Caninus Interruptus
    2014.05.01
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    19 Feb '10 00:351 edit
    Originally posted by FreakyKBH
    Always one to spot the crust on any bread, eh?
    This one has been passed around the 'net so much it's old and moldy. Hard to believe there's actually still people who have not seen it.
  12. Territories Unknown
    Joined
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    19 Feb '10 00:38
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    This one has been passed around the 'net so much it's old and moldy. Hard to believe there's actually still people who have not seen it.
    So instead of warming it up and putting butter on it, you decide to call it crap? Holy feces, Swiss: it's still funny! Lighten up a tad, will ya?
  13. Standard memberSwissGambit
    Caninus Interruptus
    2014.05.01
    Joined
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    92274
    19 Feb '10 00:49
    Originally posted by FreakyKBH
    So instead of warming it up and putting butter on it,
    Hah! And some rotten apples with whipped cream on top for desert.
  14. SubscriberAThousandYoung
    Just another day
    tinyurl.com/y8wgt7a5
    Joined
    23 Aug '04
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    19 Feb '10 08:46
    Well this is the first time I've seen it and it's really funny. The only one I've seen is the list of forged notes from kids pretending to be their parents to their teachers.
  15. Standard memberwolfgang59
    Infidel
    Dunedin
    Joined
    09 Jun '07
    Moves
    45641
    19 Feb '10 09:32
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    This one has been passed around the 'net so much it's old and moldy. Hard to believe there's actually still people who have not seen it.
    No harm being reminded of old funnies and this one was new to me!

    [b]Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.[b]

    Have this picture in my head of a motley group, heads bowed, shuffingly round the back.

    LOL
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