Religious Jokes

Originally posted by vivify
Do you guys know any?

"Robbie Corrobie"

BOOM!!!

Seriously, any folks here know some good ones?

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking on the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the street, he would swerve to hit him. After hearing a loud "THUD," he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He stopped and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to the church 5 miles down this road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father. I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued driving. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved and missed the lawyer. However, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and, when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I guess that I must have hit that lawyer."

"You missed him," replied the priest. "But that's OK. I got him with the door."

Nice one.

These one liners not only are true... but they are a funny way to think about our faith. It's good to laugh every now and then, so hope you like these one liners!:

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Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion."

If the church wants a better preacher, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington, DC.

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Copilot - swap seats!

author unknown

The Pope.

A real joke is how many people actually think their god gives a crap about humans.

Originally posted by sonhouse
A real joke is how many people actually think their god gives a crap about humans.

Nobody else seems to.

If he doesn't we are in deep doodoo.

Originally posted by sonhouse
A real joke is how many people actually think their god gives a crap about humans.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

🙄