Originally posted by jaywill
The Day of Judgment:
[b]God:
"What about your fornications, your thefts, your lies, your murders, your unthankfulness, your adulteries, your idols, your murmuring, your backbiting, your judging, your covenant breaking, your violence, your greed, your disobidience to parents, your prayerlessness, your blaphamies, your gossips, and all your si ...[text shortened]... Sinner:
"Uhhhh ..... round earth, flat earth, round earth, flat earth ??? "[/b]
-- "Well dear God, every fornication of mine was kinda good, but to be frank I had the best with my wife;
and OK, I grabbed some nickel from my mom's purse and got me some ice creams while a kiddo but woe I failed to steal big time like the monarchs and the rich gentlemen your church was constantly backing up for 2.000 years and counting;
and I lied coz I wanted to get a day-off or to avoid some girls so ugly that even a sailor would pretend that he 's dead drunk in order to get rid of 'em;
well I did not kill nobody and that 's bad I reckon -millions of people for thousand years used to kill in your name but me;
unthankful I constantly was for I always wanted to get paid for my work time;
never was an adulterer and I know that you consider such a thing too bad -I remember in your book something about that guy you saved, Job, who went drunk and slept with his daughters after you turned his curious wife into salt;
idols, hmmm, you mean somethin' like Madonna?
And I really murmured a lot when I had debates -somethin' went wrong with me and I was kinda lookin' for a consensus instead of screamin' and shoutin' in your name;
and surely I backbited those Belgian priests that they had a good time with them kiddos, sorry eh;
and I could not stand still, yes, I was always judging the politicians coz I was stupid enough not to understand that they mobilize their army and kill heathen civilians in the name of your will, God;
my covenant with OT, NT and the Bible was broken coz of me I reckon, you see I could not become a blind follower but I wanted to use my silly brain instead.
Violence is an issue, I admit I was never violent in your name, I never set on fire even one unbeliever;
and greedy I am indeed, as I was always dreaming of a world without religionists killing each other in your name;
with my parents we remained friends till this very moment -I mean with my mother coz my father 's dead and I just kept him in my heart;
regarding prayers I only now that if one leads a good life and goes to church when he 'll pass away he will go to Texas;
blasphemous I surely was, but I disliked gossips, and I don't know what my other sins could be;
So what my dear God?"