Spirituality humor

......and on the 6th day God created man.

Q. Why wasn't Jesus born in *Cardiff*?

A. Because god couldn't find a virgin nor 3 wise men.


*substitute city of your choice*

Originally posted by rwingett
Where's the humor?

Oh dear.

Originally posted by KellyJay
Yes, I prefer hearing "Bless their heart" when really mean things are said.
It is a common practice that has been around forever, I agree its does
nothing to take away the meanness of the comment.
Kelly

So I should say , aloud, after this fool says something crass "Bless their heart" ? (Did I understand you?)

Lol 😉

This particular fool would double-back from that one

Originally posted by karoly aczel
So I should say , aloud, after this fool says something crass "Bless their heart" ? (Did I understand you?)

Lol 😉

This particular fool would double-back from that one

Urban dictionary:

1. Bless your heart.

1. This is a term used by the people of the southern United States particularly near the Gulf of Mexico to express to someone that they are an idiot without saying such harsh words.

2. "You are an idiot but I like you and care about you so I dont want to hurt your feelings."

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bless+your+heart

Originally posted by JS357
Urban dictionary:

1. Bless your heart.

1. This is a term used by the people of the southern United States particularly near the Gulf of Mexico to express to someone that they are an idiot without saying such harsh words.

2. "You are an idiot but I like you and care about you so I dont want to hurt your feelings."

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bless+your+heart

Tennessee Ernie Ford used to say ''Bless their Pea Pickin' Hearts''.

Good joke. I've got one:

God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you
are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg." Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "What could I get for a rib?"

Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the
sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the
same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can
also be very dangerous.

Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the
resurrection, a little boy raised his hand........
The pastor called on him and the little boy said,
"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours
you are supposed to call the doctor."

It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.

Originally posted by whodey
......and on the 6th day God created man.

"... and God created Woman, giving her three breasts to succor her young. And God spoke, saying to her, "I have created thee as I see fit, but mine is no longer the only opinion in the universe (sigh). Is there anything about thee that thou would prefer differently?"

And Woman spoke, saying, "Lord, I am not made to birth whole litters; I do not need but two breasts."

And God said, "Thou speak wisely, as I have created thee with wisdom."

There was a crack and a lingering odor of ozone, and it was done, and Woman stood holding her third breast in her hand.

"Now just what am I gonna do with this useless boob?" Woman exclaimed.

And so it was, God created Man."

(Actual announcement taken from a church bulletin.)

Don't let worry kill you -- Let the church help.

I put this one in a club thread and someone thought it might go over good here so enjoy.

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ , so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks and just stood there. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.'
'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'

Originally posted by Great Big Stees
I put this one in a club thread and someone thought it might go over good here so enjoy.

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ ...[text shortened]... l a scripture to you.'
'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'

Ha, creative play on words. Never thought verse addresses could be made into words. Thanks.

Originally posted by Great Big Stees
I put this one in a club thread and someone thought it might go over good here so enjoy.

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ ...[text shortened]... l a scripture to you.'
'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'

Ha...good one!

Walking through the forest, an atheist hears a rustling in the bushes. Turning, he sees a massive grizzly charging towards him! He runs as fast as he can but trips over a stump and falls. As the bear raises a huge paw to strike, the atheist screams: "God! Help me!"

Time freezes. The bear becomes immobile, the forest is silent, and the river stops running. Then the atheist hears a powerful voice: "You have denied my existence for years, taught others I don’t exist and credited my creation to a cosmic accident. Why should I help you?"

"It would be hypocritical to ask you to show mercy on me," the atheist agrees. "But perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

At that, the noise of the forest resumes, the river runs, and the bear drops to its knees, brings its paws together, and says, "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

Originally posted by checkbaiter
Man, you people need to lighten up...chill...don't pop an artery over a joke. You guys mock Christians continuously..

We can take it. makes us tough!!!