1. Standard memberdj2becker
    Tiger's ghost
    Shetland cemetery
    Joined
    01 Oct '04
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    11829
    14 Nov '05 18:23
    A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

    'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

    The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.

    'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.

    Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

    'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'

    'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'
  2. Standard memberNemesio
    Ursulakantor
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Joined
    05 Mar '02
    Moves
    32455
    14 Nov '05 18:31
    Originally posted by dj2becker
    A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

    'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

    The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.

    'Wow, thank you', said the tax ...[text shortened]... at's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'
    I know this priest......

    Actually, I know this taxi driver, too.

    Nemesio
  3. Standard memberdj2becker
    Tiger's ghost
    Shetland cemetery
    Joined
    01 Oct '04
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    11829
    14 Nov '05 18:38
    Originally posted by Nemesio
    I know this priest......

    Actually, I know this taxi driver, too.

    Nemesio
    You don't happen to know this minister do you?

    This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

    The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

    The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

    But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

    When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way.

    The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.

    The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.

    The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... and I couldn't stop talking!
  4. Standard memberNemesio
    Ursulakantor
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Joined
    05 Mar '02
    Moves
    32455
    14 Nov '05 18:42
    Originally posted by dj2becker
    You don't happen to know this minister do you?

    This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

    The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

    The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

    But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

    When asked about this by some of the congregation, h ...[text shortened]...

    The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... and I couldn't stop talking!
    Pastor Eric in a Methodist Church I used to play in.

    Nemesio
  5. Standard memberdj2becker
    Tiger's ghost
    Shetland cemetery
    Joined
    01 Oct '04
    Moves
    11829
    14 Nov '05 18:51
    Originally posted by Nemesio
    [double post]
    An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

    When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

    Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.

    Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

    The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."
  6. Standard memberdj2becker
    Tiger's ghost
    Shetland cemetery
    Joined
    01 Oct '04
    Moves
    11829
    14 Nov '05 18:52
    Originally posted by Nemesio
    Pastor Eric in a Methodist Church I used to play in.

    Nemesio
    You never played the harp, did you?
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