So delightfully mental.
So how is life in Manchester?
I live right in the centre, in a modern building, with a splendid view. One day my brother Giovanni was in the street, he looked up and said to his girlfriend: 'How nice, Cami, look, they're doing fireworks in Manchester...' but it was me, shooting them off from the ninth floor.
Your neighbours must love that...
You must be joking, they adore me. When I score, they stick little congratulatory notes under my door. At Christmas, they presented me with bottles of wine. But I do not drink.
Did you get Christmas wishes from Jose Mourinho?
I sent them to him, but he didn't answer. He is the world's best coach, but as a man he still has to learn manners and respect.
Silvio Berlusconi has said that Antonio Cassano is the best talent...
He's mistaken, or he doesn't know Balotelli.
Balotelli-Ibrahimovic-Cassano at Milan, ever thought about it?
It's still early. For this year and one more I'll stay at City, where I feel benissimo, extremely well. And then, think about this one: Balotelli-Tevez-Dzeko. Is it not good enough? Can you see anything better than this in the world? Me neither, not even at Barcelona or Real Madrid.
Do you get on with Mancini?
He's the most important coach I've ever had. Soon he'll be No 1 in the world. But already now, in terms of human qualities, he is 2km ahead of Mourinho, wait, make that 10km. He keeps saying to me: 'When I joined Sampdoria from Bologna I already felt I was the best of all. Then I realised how hard I had to work to improve.' I've got the message.
Who has been the biggest surprise for you at City?
Adam Johnson. I did not know him before. He has great technique.
Who is the funniest at City?
Yaya Touré and Emmanuel Adebayor. If I wear some strange shoes, they stick them onto the ceiling of the dressing room with sellotape.
Who has helped you the most?
Many of them, but Patrick Vieira and Aleksandar Kolarov most of all. At Christmas, they invited me to their houses, but in the end I managed to spend Christmas Day with my mother, who arrived that day after they had cancelled her flight because of the snow.
Is Tevez as nasty as they portray him in the English media?
What? Do me a favour... He's as good as they come.
Who is the strongest player in the Premier League?
What about Rooney?
He's good, but not the best in Manchester.
Who is the strongest defender?
Do the United fans insult you?
No, they stop me in the street and tell me: 'Mario, come to United.' Honestly. But I'm dreaming of beating United, because I know how much this means to our fans, they are splendid with me. I had such goosebumps when they sang my name after my hat-trick.
Are English defences better than Italian ones?
The Italians, they are tactically stronger. In England it is easier to score.
Have you experienced racist boos in England?
No, they only insult me as an opponent. It has happened to me in Liverpool. I was with some Italian friends, there was an argument with some Liverpool fans.
Do you get Italian friends coming to visit you in Manchester?
Yes, the other day they placed a live lobster in my car. God, did I jump.
How's your English?
Good. I watch movies in English with subtitles on, and learn the sentences. When Charlie talks to us, I understand him more than my journalist sister.
Who is Charlie?
He's an Indian from Kashmir who takes me around and helps me a lot. Then there's Curtis, another driver, who knows everybody in Manchester. At City, I've found a lot of extremely kind people. Also Sheikh Mansour, the owner. Mancini is lucky. He has an owner who speaks little, and only asks him: 'What do you need?'
What does Mancini say about your English?
He can't say anything. His English stinks. But it is improving.
Were you really sad and depressed?
Sometimes I just had no wish to do anything at all, I'd shut myself inside my flat.
Now it looks much better, at least judging from stories about you and Big Brother's Sophie Reade...
Rubbish. English football is as advanced in the stadia as it is backward in the press. Football and tits are mixed up in the tabloids. If a girl says, 'I am the girlfriend of that footballer', they all think it's true. Anything goes, and you cannot defend yourself.