30 Oct '07 05:20

Originally posted by Doctor Rat
Luckily, none of the various and entertaining objects I stick into my nose ever got stuck. How did you end up getting the green bean out?

See now that was my problem. Blame my mother for that one. She always warned me never to put a bean in my nose. Why would she even mention that to me, I haven't a clue. Who would ever even think of putting a bean in their nose. And then to wonder how to get it out never really occurred to me either. But I had to try it, because I took it as a personal challenge. Surly gravity would make it fall back out or something. Anyway, trust me when I say it wasn't as easy as you might suspect. I decided to stick it up there and and clap and make stupid sounds like a walrus. Well, I laughed so hard I sucked the thing up my nose and when I reached to yank it out part of it broke off. My eyes started watering and with a loud, foggy honk, a noise memorialized in a family recording along with shrieks loud enough to make a crow horny, the wind vibrated through my nose and drove everything before it, out into a Kleenex. Well almost everything anyway, parts of it found its way into to unknown hide away in my sinuses. This made me susceptible to ear infections for the next few years, to which I probably owe most of my hearing loss, noticeable only in noisy bars and restaurant dining areas or when I totally want to ignore someone. I was really worried for a while though, because my brother told me I had chit for brains and it would make good fertilizer. That was all I needed was for a beanstalk to grow out my nostril.

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