When we talk about bullying we generally speak in terms of "The bully" and "The victim".
In a sense this is correct, for there is a perpetrator and someone on the receiving end.
Very little time and energy, however, is spent in finding out the reasons for the bullying.
Two general perceptions rule here:
1. That's society (generally found in armies and student unions, for example).
2. The victim is the most important and revenge must be forthcoming (society in general).
However, neither of these attitudes delve into the murky pits of what actually causes this behaviour in the first place.
First, let me give a brief description of behaviour through age groups:
2-3 years of age: Play beside each other, not with each other.
4-7 years of age: Play together
7-11 years of age: start belonging and behaving in certain groups
12-19 years of age: start defining their own role within their group.
Individualism, as you see here, naturally stops at the age of 4.
Society as a whole has set out a Randian principle upon which most education and social activies are based:
1. Be the best at sport
2. Be the best in class (high marks, degrading low marks)
3. Get an as good a job as possible.
4. Make as much money as possible.
5. More money means more power, means a better standard of life.
Notably, there is only an X amount of money to go around. So, by getting as much as possible for yourself, you are automatically making less for others to share between themselves.
This is the prevailing attitude. The attitude, as I've suggested of 3 year old children.
The second item on the agenda that must be looked at is the pressure put on children to behave in this fashion. "Be the best. Get the best marks. Etc. etc."
Now, some children will possess the ability to do so, others will not.
These others, will have to find other ways of defining their role in society which will make them good, great and profitable. And this comes to down to a form of extortion: Bullying.
Picture the kid who comes home, couldn't score more than average on this test results and gets beaten by Daddy.
That's gonna end up an explosive situation, no matter how you look at it.
As you see there are various problems which need to be tackled:
1. Parents
2. The prevailing attitude
3. How to change behaviour which is already occuring.
To start with 1:
It's a lost cause. Certain amount of time should/could be spent changing the attitude of parents, but after 30 odd years of indoctrination, the chances of actually breaking through to a significant number of them are pretty slim.
To second with 2 (and why on earth not):
Being the best at something doesn't mean squat diddly. This has to be promoted. You have to change the attitude of children, so that they don't want to be the best, but that they want to work together, utilising each other's potentials.
This is easier than it sounds. Working in groups on projects and part of the project is defining each other's strengths and weaknesses on the projects at hand (self and group reflection) and how to build on this, is a proven method (Umberto Eco has written articles on this as well).
Much less emphasis on sport. I know this sounds touchy, but when push comes to shove....they're just games. Get children to see them as games. Chess is a game, table tennis is a game and hoola hoop swinging is a game too.
And let me finish with 3:
Bullying and being the victim of bullying comes down to behavioural patterns.
Both patterns need changing.
Both patterns stem from exactly the same problem: Low self esteem.
To build self-esteem two things are important:
a: Learn to love yourself
b: Learn to express yourself.
Both can be brought about by teaching children to find out what they're good at and by teaching children to be assertive.
Now, there is one last issue I wish to dwell on, a subject very close to heart, which I can't back up (like the other issues so far...of which there has been a lot written and a quick google will defend my arguments sufficiently), and this issue is creativity.
Children are becoming ever less creative.
Instead of building lego space ships they're playing Tekken 3.
Instead of building go-carts from pieces of wood and abandoned pram wheels, they're cycling on BMX bikes.
Instead of making board games to share with friends (or re-inventing rules for RPG games), they're playing computer games and watching TV.
And instead of going out to play in groups (hide and seek, etc.) at night, they stay at home, drink soda and watch Idols.
Easy going on parents, I'm sure.
Less stress knowing where your kid is, I'm sure.
Less hassle having to help build a roof of a space ship from too large a pieces of lego.
But at what price?
A lack of creativity (and one day I'll have researched this extensively) results (in addition with all the afore mentioned problems of youth society today) in a very bleak out-look in life.
If children aren't stimulated to be creative, they're only stimulated to do. Not to think, but to act.
Even education is geared towards this:
"What did you study?"
"I studied to be a social worker."
If you want to stop bullying, if you want children to see greater things than a cheap house of their own because they're pregnant and if you want great leaps in innovation, things are going to have to change.
Nice post.
For me, the idea that "best" is best is one of the prime motivations for starvation, disease and neglect in the modern world. You choose to illustrate your points by using bullying as your focus which is fine but I think they go far beyond that unless you want to extend your definition of the bully.
Personally, I think we need to add a little "lack of self respect" somewhere in the mix of your discussion because most hate and violence comes from that. If you recognize your own self worth then being seen as "best" is not important any more.
Interesting post and thanks for the read.
Originally posted by shavixmirI'm not so interested in bullying (except when kicking your wimpy ass around the message boards) but some of your puerile leftyism has crept into the rant and needs to be corrected.
Notably, there is only an X amount of money to go around. So, by getting as much as possible for yourself, you are automatically making less for others to share between themselves.
Money is the measure of wealth, and the only limit to wealth is the universe. Wealth is created everyday in millions of different ways, it may be a service or a good, if the number of dollars are limited then the value of each dollar increases with each new factory or school built - or home built - or car assembled - or carrot planted.
In the beginning there was no wealth "to go around". then some genius attached a rock to a stick and had the first hammer, there was wealth, now it's everywhere you look, the table you're sitting at, the tiny metal ball in the end of a pen, the road past your house - and it keeps growing. There's not one cake that everyone tries to get a slice of, there are billions of cakes and more being baked all the time.
Originally posted by WajomaYou may be right, I'm not sure but it seems to me that wealth is relative. If everyone is wealthy then nobody is. If so, doesn't that mean that even though wealth itself is as big as the universe, you still have to have somebody losing wealth for it to have any meaning.
I'm not so interested in bullying (except when kicking your wimpy ass around the message boards) but some of your puerile leftyism has crept into the rant and needs to be corrected.
Money is the measure of wealth, and the only limit to wealth is the universe. Wealth is created everyday in millions of different ways, it may be a service or a good, if the n ...[text shortened]... ne tries to get a slice of, there are billions of cakes and more being baked all the time.
Originally posted by WheelyIf everyone's driving a caddy, then they're all wealthy.
You may be right, I'm not sure but it seems to me that wealth is relative. If everyone is wealthy then nobody is. If so, doesn't that mean that even though wealth itself is as big as the universe, you still have to have somebody losing wealth for it to have any meaning.
edit: attaining wealth needn't be at the expense of someone else, indeed, when people are allowed to trade freely (free from coercion) they generally both win from the trade. They both become more wealthy.
...however - back to the bullying.
Originally posted by WajomaOf course only a trained 'social worker' could have written tosh like that . It's no wonder bullies are out of control in many schools when such clowns are left to deal with the situation.
I'm not so interested in bullying (except when kicking your wimpy ass around the message boards) but some of your puerile leftyism has crept into the rant and needs to be corrected.
Money is the measure of wealth, and the only limit to wealth is the universe. Wealth is created everyday in millions of different ways, it may be a service or a good, if the n ...[text shortened]... ne tries to get a slice of, there are billions of cakes and more being baked all the time.
Originally posted by shavixmirSigh
When we talk about bullying we generally speak in terms of "The bully" and "The victim".
In a sense this is correct, for there is a perpetrator and someone on the receiving end.
Very little time and energy, however, is spent in finding out the reasons for the bullying.
Two general perceptions rule here:
1. That's society (generally found in armie ...[text shortened]... nt great leaps in innovation, things are going to have to change.
Originally posted by WajomaYes.
I'm not so interested in bullying (except when kicking your wimpy ass around the message boards) but some of your puerile leftyism has crept into the rant and needs to be corrected.
Money is the measure of wealth, and the only limit to wealth is the universe. Wealth is created everyday in millions of different ways, it may be a service or a good, if the n ne tries to get a slice of, there are billions of cakes and more being baked all the time.
So, you'd rather be rich and dying of cancer than poor, but healthy and happy.
Your concept of wealth is as backwards as your concept of dealing with problems.
That's why they continue to exist.
Originally posted by NargagunaAmusingly enough, my "tosh" as you put it, isn't being used in your schools.
Of course only a trained 'social worker' could have written tosh like that . It's no wonder bullies are out of control in many schools when such clowns are left to deal with the situation.
And just see where the problems you have are leading you.
Tosh it could be, but Colombine it is.
Originally posted by shavixmirI read and re-read my post to see where you could get this but it's purely an invention of your own.
Yes.
So, you'd rather be rich and dying of cancer than poor, but healthy and happy.
Your concept of wealth is as backwards as your concept of dealing with problems.
That's why they continue to exist.
It is wealth that makes cancer cures possible, and this is something else that is growing. More people have treatment available to them than in the entire history of the world and that number continues to grow...aint capitalism, wealth and money grand.
Originally posted by WajomaRighto oh darling.
I read and re-read my post to see where you could get this but it's purely an invention of your own.
It is wealth that makes cancer cures possible, and this is something else that is growing. More people have treatment available to them than in the entire history of the world and that number continues to grow...aint capitalism, wealth and money grand.
Let's hear your solution to bullying.
Come on. Spit it out.
Originally posted by shavixmiraka, shooting one self in the foot...with a shotgun.
Amusingly enough, my "tosh" as you put it, isn't being used in your schools.
And just see where the problems you have are leading you.
Tosh it could be, but Colombine it is.
http://youthviolence.edschool.virginia.edu/violence-in-schools/national-statistics.html