Go back
Are You American?

Are You American?

General

i

Joined
14 Nov 03
Moves
2786
Clock
27 Mar 04
1 edit
Vote Up
Vote Down

1. You decide that your relationship with your partner is over. How do you break the news that you are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip away quietly.
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons for your decision with your partner.
(c) Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up inbreeds on national television.

2. What do you have for breakfast?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea.
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee.
(c) A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer.

3. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office.
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel.
(c) A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.

4. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife's dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt.
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn't happen again.
(c) Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation, and sue your wife's ass.

5. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don't worry. Its just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a youth club.
(c) Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.

6. You are responsible for the USA's presidential electoral process. Do you:
(a) Count all votes and declare a winner.
(b) Count all votes and declare a winner.
(c) Let the press declare who's won before the votes are counted; then count only the votes which have been handed in by a deadline whilst not checking if Bud, the hillbilly sheriff of nowheres-ville, has left several thousand votes in the trunk of his Chevy 'by mistake', then force a recount of only some of the votes within just one state and allow only 12 seconds for the recount to take place; then be amazed that the recount hasn't finished by the deadline and increase the deadline by another 3.2 seconds; then ignore all votes and let 4 judges decide the result, making sure the judges all support the same candidate; then ponce around the world telling other countries how to run their own elections.


Did you mainly answer (c) ?

s
The Mighty Messenger

The Wood of N'Kai

Joined
13 Dec 03
Moves
156184
Clock
27 Mar 04
2 edits
Vote Up
Vote Down

A diet root beer,are you kidding? Everybody knows we Americans wash down brekkie with either a 6 pack of Bud,a 6 pack of Pepsi,or a bottle of Jack D.

b
woodpusher

midwest USA

Joined
31 Dec 03
Moves
21464
Clock
28 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by sundown316
A diet root beer,are you kidding? Everybody knows we Americans wash down brekkie with either a 6 pack of Bud,a 6 pack of Pepsi,or a bottle of Jack D.
A shot of Black velvet with my Total corn flakes while cleaning my pistol while watching Jerry Springer starts my day!! 🙄

redlentils

UK

Joined
24 Nov 02
Moves
11395
Clock
28 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

if you are dissatified with american foreign policy, do you
(a) argue your perspective in a respectful manner over the internet.
(b) become politically active in the "realworld" and do whatever you can for the cause you believe in
(c) make crass, stereotypical remarks about americans

be constructive ian. i read chomsky too. humour can be an effective political tool. but these comments are embarrassing, and perpetuate the myth people who oppose american (and, for that matter, UK) foreign policy are "anti-american". how old are you?

purclecow
MMMMM Penguin Pie

the great beyond

Joined
19 Feb 04
Moves
26401
Clock
28 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by sundown316
A diet root beer,are you kidding? Everybody knows we Americans wash down brekkie with either a 6 pack of Bud,a 6 pack of Pepsi,or a bottle of Jack D.
What is root beer?

s
The Mighty Messenger

The Wood of N'Kai

Joined
13 Dec 03
Moves
156184
Clock
28 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by purclecow
What is root beer?
You might know it as birch beer,or sarsparilla.😉

z
Mouth for war

Burlington, KY

Joined
10 Jan 04
Moves
60789
Clock
28 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

In the land of the free, I am free to have cold pizza, warm beer, and half melted ice ream for breakfast. And if the french don't like it, I can call the boys over in Wisconsin to send them some cheese to go with their wine. 😉

i

Joined
14 Nov 03
Moves
2786
Clock
28 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by redlentils
if you are dissatified with american foreign policy, do you
(a) argue your perspective in a respectful manner over the internet.
(b) become politically active in the "realworld" and do whatever you can for the cause you believe in
(c) make crass, stereotypical remarks about americans

be constructive ian. i read chomsky too. humour can be an effec ...[text shortened]... ose american (and, for that matter, UK) foreign policy are "anti-american". how old are you?
I've done (a) and (b). (c) is just banter - lighten up!

How old do you think I am.

i

Joined
14 Nov 03
Moves
2786
Clock
28 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by zakkwylder
In the land of the free, I am free to have cold pizza, warm beer, and half melted ice ream for breakfast. And if the french don't like it, I can call the boys over in Wisconsin to send them some cheese to go with their wine. 😉
Don't you mean 'to go with their whine' ?

redlentils

UK

Joined
24 Nov 02
Moves
11395
Clock
28 Mar 04
1 edit
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by ianpickering
(c) is just banter - lighten up!

How old do you think I am.


the problem is, ian, that i've heard that defence of 'lighten up" defending sexist, racist, homophobic comments in the past. don't get me wrong, if you say you meant know real offence i happily accept that. the problem is that such comments can be construed as simply being "anti-american", when we probably share a common ground in opposition to current US (and UK) foreign policy. i don't think your post here helps. we disagree.

your age? 42.

i

Joined
14 Nov 03
Moves
2786
Clock
28 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by redlentils
the problem is, ian, that i've heard that defence of 'lighten up" defending sexist, racist, homophobic comments in the past. don't get me wrong, if you say you meant know real offence i happily accept that. the problem is that such comments can be construed as simply being "anti-american", when we probably share a common ground in opposition to curr ...[text shortened]... US (and UK) foreign policy. i don't think your post here helps. we disagree.

your age? 42.
Do you think that being 'anti-American' (which I'm not!) is akin to being sexist, racist or homophobic? Do you think that i HATE Americans just because I poke a little gentle fun at their society? There's plenty of things I think absurd and plenty that winds me up about this country - don't get me going about the Royals!

"Lighten up" means don't take things seriously that aren't meant to be serious. Critisize me because the post wasn't funny, but don't call me a racist - it upsets my sensibilities.

g
The Great Gonzo

Seattle

Joined
20 Jun 03
Moves
6115
Clock
28 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

I just want to know how long it took you to write up that offensive drivel?

z
Mouth for war

Burlington, KY

Joined
10 Jan 04
Moves
60789
Clock
29 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by ianpickering
Don't you mean 'to go with their whine' ?
I did and I didnt. cheese is usually eaten with wine, but the intended use of the word was indeed 'whine'. its just a play on words and i dont feel it matters how its spelled. it just so happens the french like to whine. not all of them, but most. being english i should think you know that.

c
Islamofascists Suck!

Macon, Georgia, CSA

Joined
17 Feb 02
Moves
32132
Clock
29 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by ianpickering
Critisize me because the post wasn't funny, but don't call me a racist - it upsets my sensibilities.
What hypocrisy...and after you called me racist for using Jap as in short for Japanese...what sensibilities?...what sense?

redlentils

UK

Joined
24 Nov 02
Moves
11395
Clock
29 Mar 04
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by ianpickering

"Lighten up" means don't take things seriously that aren't meant to be serious. Critisize me because the post wasn't funny, but don't call me a racist - it upsets my sensibilities.


please read my posts carefully. i did not call you a racist. i did think your post was offensive and i have given my reasons why.

Cookies help us deliver our Services. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Learn More.