There were 3 robbers running away from the cops
They headed down an alley and saw 3 barrels. They each jumped in 1
The police came along and kicked the 1st barrel
"Wolf, wolf" the robber said hesitating
They kicked the next one
"meow, meow"
They went to the 3rd 1 who was real nervous
they kicked it "Potatoes, Potatoes"
about a recent wedding that took
place at Sydney University. It was in the local
newspaper and even Alan Jones mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to
give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open Their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his
bride Having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions For a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, (rude word)you!". Then he turned to his bride and said (rude word) you!". Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm Outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after> Finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with
the charade as if nothing were wrong. His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, Trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has guts. Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless"
commercial Out of this?:
>
>
> Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and
>friends......................................$32,000.
>
> Wedding photographs commemorating the
>occasion.....................................................$3,000.
>
> Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in
>Maui.............................................$8,500.
>
> The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10
glossy
>
> Of the bride having sex with the best man..........Priceless.
>
>
> There are some things money can't buy, for everything
else
>
> there's
>
> MASTERCARD.
Cool questions????
1. Can you cry under water?
2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
4. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
8. What disease did cured ham actually have?
9. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
10. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
11. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
12. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
13. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
14. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
15. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
16. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
17. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
18. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
20. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"
21. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
22. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
23. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
24. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
25. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
26. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
27. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
28. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
29. What do you call male ballerinas?
30. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
31. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
32. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
33. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
34. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
35. Why does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
36. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
37. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
38. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
😕😕
A chinese boy came 2 australia and he wanted to learn english
So he asked his mum if she new any english words
she said "ME,ME,ME!!"
He wanted to learn more so he went to a chinese restaurant and asked the owner if he knew any english words
he said "knife and fork, knife and fork."
He then went to a lollie store and saw that the owner was chinese and asked him
he said "GOODY GOODY GUMDROPS!"
As he was walking outside he saw a murdered body
Then suddenly an australian police came along
"Who murdered this poor man" he asked
The chinese boy said "ME,ME,ME!!"
"With what?"
"knife and fork, knife and fork."
"THATS IT YOUR GOING TO JAIL"
"GOODY GOODY GUMDROPS!"
2 irishman were walking down the streets in london
1 says "patty why you walkin funny"
The other 1 says "oh. I’ve got a hand grenade tied to me old fella"
"Why u got a hand grenade tied to your old fella?"
"So the next englishman who kicks me in the balls gets their foot blown off!"
3 people were in a room together
there was an american a russian and a blonde
the russian says " we were the first people in space"
the american says" well we were the first people on the moon"
the blonde says " well we are going to be the first people on the sun"
The american and the russian look at each other and say" but you'll shrivvle up and burn"
Then the blonde says "deerrrrrrrrrrrr. we're not that dumb."
"we'll go at night time"
a plane with 5 people in it was about to crash and there was only 4 parachutes
The 5 people were…..
A pope
a small boy
An irishman
John howard (prime minister of australia)
and george bush (President of america)
They tried to work out who was the most important
John howard says "i own australia"
So he jumps off with the 1st parachute
George bush says "I own america"
So he jumps of
then the irishman says "Well im the smartest man in the world"
he jumps off
The pope says to the small boy "you take the last parachute. i have already lived a healthy life."
Then the small boy says" don't worry........"
"..........the smartest man in the world jumped off with my lunch bag!!!!!”
Originally posted by BonfaAt what point does the punchline come?
Cool questions????
1. Can you cry under water?
2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
4. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a " ...[text shortened]... gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
😕😕