Clean Clever Curses

As Bill Cosby said (I'm paraphrasing), "Any fool can get up on stage and talk dirty and get a few laughs, it takes a truly clever comedian to get people to laugh and still be clean." In that vein, the purpose of this thread is to post a curse (insult) that is "clean" and yet clever (and hopefully humorous - that's humourous for you Brits).

For example, Corporal Klinger on Mash had this one: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

My personal favorite: May you live in interesting times.

(think about it)

Anyone else?

not sure if I'm on the right track, but here goes ...

I hear you changed your mind, what didyou do with the nappy?


😀

May a thousand fleas infest your prayer rug!

LOL Yup. You're on the right track.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail.....My fav.

I fart in your general direction

Originally posted by mokko
Monty Python and the Holy Grail.....My fav.

I fart in your general direction

Originally posted by mokko
Monty Python and the Holy Grail.....My fav.

I fart in your general direction

Classic! 😀

Why don't you do the world a favour and pull your lip over your head, and swallow.

Grumpy Old Men

Originally posted by bambee
Why don't you do the world a favour and pull your lip over your head, and swallow.

Grumpy Old Men

Blackadder is full of it...

eh... Your brain's so minute (Baldrick) that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit...

or

I use the word 'man' in it's broadest possible sense, for as we all know, God made man in his own image, and it would be a sad look out for Christians throughout the globe if God looked anything like you... (Baldrick)

A conversation ended very well by Winston Churchill:

'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk.'

'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.'

1-0 Churchill.

P.s. This may not be the exact word for word conversation, I googled it and took the first result...

Originally posted by rhb
A conversation ended very well by Winston Churchill:

'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk.'

'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.'

1-0 Churchill.

P.s. This may not be the exact word for word conversation, I googled it and took the first result...

Originally posted by rhb
A conversation ended very well by Winston Churchill:

'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk.'

'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.'

1-0 Churchill.

P.s. This may not be the exact word for word conversation, I googled it and took the first result...

I know you're not as stupid as you look, as that's impossible, but....
Why don't we go someplace where each of us can be alone?
(For No1🙂Just keep talking-sooner or later, you have to say something interesting!
Has anybody in your family ever commited suicide? No? Well, wouldn't that be worth a thought?
Everybody has to be some way, but why like you?
I'll tell you a joke, it's so good your boobs will fall off. Oh.... I see you already know the joke.
Didn't your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
I never forget a face, but I'll try to make an exception in your case.
I'm not deaf, I'm just ignoring you.
Is today a special day, or are you always this stupid?
With you, I'd need a hearing aid-you can turn those off!

Yes, I'm a very nice person 😉