Eats shoots and leaves

Amphiboly fallacies

Here is a good one: Love letter or nasty break up?

Dear Max,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are intelligent, generous, kind and loving. Men who are not like you admit to being worthless and a waste of time. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we are apart. I can be forever happy. Will you let me be yours.
Mary

Dear Max,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are intelligent, generous, kind and loving men who are not like you. Admit to being worthless and a waste of time. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we are apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be.
Yours,
Mary

FMF finds inspiration in cooking his family and his cats.

FMF finds inspiration in cooking, his family, and his cats.

RHP forum posters, who are intelligent, are small in number.

RHP forum posters who are intelligent are small in number.

Haha

Let’s eat Mommy

Let’s eat, Grandpa.

Let’s eat Grandpa.

My neighbour is ill so I went to the butchers to pick up her liver.

@pieceout said
Amphiboly fallacies

I thought this was going to be a joke with Eats Shoots and Leaves as the punchline:

Example:
The Goldilocks story from the Bear's Perspective:
At an evening meal, Papa Bear is reading the newspaper about rumors of a Goldilocks Monster rampaging through the forest. He instructs Mama Bear and Baby Bear on what to do, where to go, how to hide. Baby Bear would have the best view from under his bed, so he was to keep his eyes open and learn all he could if the GM came to their cottage.

One night, while eating their supper, Papa Bear saw a foreboding shadow pass the window sill..."Quick, everyone to your places!" he shouted. He dove under his bed, Mama Bear dove under her bed (yeah, having separate beds might explain why they only had one cub) and Baby Bear dove under his little bed, and watched.

The Goldilocks monster burst through the door! It quickly downed Papa Bear's and Mama Bear's and Baby Bear's food, then pulled a pistol out and shot three times into the ceiling, then, as quickly as it had come, it left...

Baby Bear: "I saw it Papa, and it was a bear-like creature like us!"
Papa Bear got out the encyclopedia, turned to the section on "Bears" and Baby Bear excitedly pointed at the Giant Panda, and said, "THAT'S IT, PAPA!"

Papa Bear read the description, and was quite convinced that Baby Bear was right. It said..."eats shoots and leaves."

@PieceOut
LOL!
Punctuation is important, huh?

For Sale: Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating

I once knew a woman with a glass eye named Zelda.

A woman, without a man, is nothing.

A woman: without her, a man is nothing.