Hiding Place
Natron Fubble tried to rob a Miami delicatessen, but the owner broke Fubble's nose by hitting it with a giant salami. Fubble fled and hid in the trunk of a parked car. The car belonged to a police undercover team that was trailing another criminal's truck. After five days, the officers finally heard Fubble whimpering and arrested him.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages
What am I ?
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This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. Is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and small hole at the other. In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of from its long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest,
WHAT AM I?????
im not telling
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, “Give the ballerina a drink!”
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?” Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, “Give the ballerina another drink!”
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, “I say, old chap, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?’”
“As far as I’m concerned”, the drunk replied, “any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!”
Originally posted by jimrulz1518That'll be a toothbrush then.
What am I ?
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This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. Is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and s ...[text shortened]... ave ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest,
WHAT AM I?????
How do you make a cat bark?
Cover it in petrol, put a match to it, and it goes WOOF!
One night a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Everyone else left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
The little girl sneaked up behind her dad as he was logging onto the home computer. Suddenly she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know daddy's password! I know daddy's password!" "What is it?" her brother asked eagerly. Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
Originally posted by jimrulz1518my old password for my school computer was "*asterix*", and so if i told anyone they would hear "asterix asterix asterix"...i'm quite easily amused...
The little girl sneaked up behind her dad as he was logging onto the home computer. Suddenly she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know daddy's password! I know daddy's password!" "What is it?" her brother asked eagerly. Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
THIS IS CLASSIC U GOTTA READ IT OUT
Two whales were swimming around in the ocean, when a ship appeared. The male suggested to the female that they have some fun and tip the ship over with their blow holes. She was hesitant at first, but finally went along with it. Then, he said," since that was so much fun, let's go back and eat the sailors!" To which, she exclaimed, "I went along with you on the blow-job! But, no! You're not going to get me to eat seamen, too."