Originally posted by kirksey957KirkThanks for bringng in that it is an illness not a weakness.
Someone once told me that "normal" is a cycle on the washing machine. Anyway, with the disease of alcoholism I'm not sure that "mostly" and "control" can go together. It is indeed a powerful disease that has never affected just ...[text shortened]... ill rally to support your recovery in whatever way they can. Kirk
today... to all RHP'ers is to answer completely and honestly any questions posed of me. I am tired of trying to pretend to 'fit in' with this community. I don't and can't.
Mike
I pose this question to you:Will you play a game with me?
Originally posted by missleadAre you asking me or the community if they will play you? I don't mind playing anyone, but by saying you don't fit in and can't fit in, one might hear that and ask "well why does he want to play here then?"
KirkThanks for bringng in that it is an illness not a weakness.
today... to all RHP'ers is to answer completely and honestly any questions posed of me. I am tired of trying to pretend to 'fit in' with this community. I don't and can't.
Mike
I pose this question to you:Will you play a game with me?
There will always be perceptions of "not fitting in" on this site. All I can say is that it is better to fit in in my neighborhood, my school, my work, etc. than this site. I like a lot of people very much on the site, but I have only met two of you face to face. So don't invest a lot of energy "fitting in" as this is only an internet chess site. That's it. Just to prove my point, you will notice that it is very rare for one to have a "real" picture of themselves as their avatar (myself included). While this allows one an unlimited amount of creativity, it is a hidden way of showing oneself. Ultimately as wonderful as this site is in fostering community, it does not take the place of who we meet day to day. Kirk
Originally posted by missleadNo. I don't like chess and can't play worth a darn. Alcoholism is not a disease. It is a condition. Probably due to a lot of genetics we don't understand. There are receptors in various slots in the brain that 'fail' to close upon reception of their normal filler. Probably a protein... one of a hundred million such. They do close upon contact with the simple alcohol molecule. Sick sense of humor on the designers part if you ask me. (Just kidding)
I pose this question to you:Will you play a game with me?[/b]
The human genome project was an examination of only about 64000 gene sequence.
To map the proteins will mean that effort times ten thousand.How bout that Joe? About right?
Once that is done, we "might" understand "alcololism" and "psoriasis" and "vitiligo" and "rheumatoid arthritis", and "hemolytic auto-immune anemia"... all of which I suffer. But to just say that it is a disease as opposed to being a condition is ridiculous. The implication then becomes that it is might be cured or overcome through super-human effort of faith and self will. The truth is that at this time it can only be "managed". May all of us afflicted by it "manage" it and survive it. If you think "god" helps, then great. More power and all that. I have never found strength or solice in ignorance. Truth day.
Originally posted by kirksey957Just for info.I am not Starvalley.Don't load that on him too!
Are you asking me or the community if they will play you? I don't mind playing anyone, but by saying you don't fit in and can't fit in, one might hear that and ask "well why does he want to play here then?"
There will always be perceptions of "not fitting in" on this site. All I can say is that it is better to fit in in my neighborhood, my s ...[text shortened]... this site is in fostering community, it does not take the place of who we meet day to day. Kirk
Originally posted by rapalla7
You don't need to be honest to me, Just be honest to yourself and the rest will follow.
Mike
You're kind
You're so kind
You rescued me when I was blind
And you put me on your pillow
When I was on the wall
You're kind, so kind, so kind
And you're good
You're so good
You introduced me to your neighborhood
Seems like I ain't never had
so many friends before
That's because you're good
You're so good
Why you don't treat me like
the other humans do
Is just a mystery to me
It gets me agitated when I think that
You're gonna love me now indefinitely
Keep trying things. Zen, tai chi, meditation, counselling, scuba diving, whatever. You may reach a point where you are at peace with yourself not by trying to be normal but by doing things which allow you to become comfortable with not being normal. And these activities not only put you in the right state of mind for achieving this but they put you in contact with the right people.
Abuse is something very hard to recover from. My mother has a diagnosed bipolar disorder which led to a real lack of self-confidence in me and my sister. I have alwas pushed myself even though I was filled with doubt. If you find a way to believe in yourself you may start believing in other people. Then there will be no need to argue, with yourself or with others. I am still looking for this inner peace.
Anyway, the following extract is something I read today and liked. It's from a Zen master called Shoun:
"For fifty-six years I lived as best I could,
Making my way in this world,
Now the rain has ended,
the clouds are clearing,
The blue sky has a full moon."
I don't know if you can understand this Mike, really understand this I mean, but the fact that you are a flawed person and recognize it makes me respect you. I'm not one for advice bud, but I hope you remember what I told you. Self examiniation and honest reflection is the only way true change occurs. This very thread is some self examination and honest reflection. I believe you are very capable of being whatever kind of person you wish to be. You may hate yourself Mike, but to me you are beautifully human, more so than most people (and indeed, I make a distinction between "humans" and "people"😉. If you ever decide that you don't hate chess quite so much, we should play.
Your Brother in Beautiful Flawed Humanity,
Omnislash
Originally posted by StarValleyWyWhy do you still hate yourself, for not being able to stop problem of your abusive father when with hindsight you know that as a child the problem was way beyond your level of intelligence or ability to solve ?
There are many levels of intelligence. The ability to communicate. The ability to do math. The ability of language. The ability of rational thought. The ability of seeing history as a starting point. The ability of Physical Looks. The ability of memory. The ability to think on the fly. The ability to proceed in the face of danger. The ability to know sp ...[text shortened]... of import. It takes a lifetime to know. By then it is too late. That is what is sad about abuse.
I used to be confused too, challenged myself to the point of considering the option to return back to dust more than just seriously. When I died, I discovered I did not have the choice / options I envisaged. The point is the basic genetic blueprint of man indicates a well designed plan, linking from a common ancestor directly to the masterpiece Designer.
Nobody can escape destiny. The one thing you should know is that you are not an individual as you may wish to think. If your finger is missing or refuses to co-operate with the brain instructing it to remove the thorn causing pain to the rest of the body, the fact is the body remains in pain. Think not of yourself as yourself but as the missing finger and then maybe you'll understand the purpose of life. Everything reduces to one simple answer.... He exists, He's here right now, He love's you and he's still waiting... but not much longer!
