Originally posted by Jay PeateaBecause I maniuplated the situation. My dad married a woman when I was four. Between one of the six divorces and re-marries. I was "kidnapped" and was apart from my siblings and mother. I almost killed "Grace" with meanness. I pulled her hair. I spit on her. I kicked her. I bit her. I hit her and her child. I did everything I could to get "daddy" back with "mama" and my siblings and my grandpa "Pete". He was my life.
Why do you still hate yourself, for not being able to stop problem of your abusive father when with hindsight you know that as a child the problem was way beyond your level of intelligence or ability to solve ?
The SOB left grace and remarried my mom. I knew it was my fault. As much as a four year old can know anything.
The fact is... If you don't learn to "play" and "have fun" as a child... you never will. An adult can't learn it. That is what is tragic about abuse. I never learned. Couldn't. Didn't. "Fun" and "Play" and "Hobbie" have no meaning. I know what they are intellectually. I see my kids and grandkids "having fun" and I rejoice. I have tried many ways to 'have fun' and failed always. That is the price of it all.
Originally posted by StarValleyWyIs it not natural for a four year old to manipulate situations for its own benefit ?
Because I maniuplated the situation. My dad married a woman when I was four. Between one of the six divorces and re-marries. I was "kidnapped" and was apart from my siblings and mother. I almost killed "Grace" with meanness. I pulled her hair. I spit on her. I kicked her. I bit her. I hit her and her child. I did everything I could to get "daddy" ...[text shortened]... I have tried many ways to 'have fun' and failed always. That is the price of it all.