doubltless mentioned before....
" How I Met My Wife"
by Jack Winter
Published 25 July 1994 - The New Yorker
It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party
I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled
and consolate. I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the
coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner.
She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total
array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and
she moved in a gainly way. I wanted desperately to meet
her, but I knew I’d have to make bones about it since I
was travelling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess,
whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper,
so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened.
And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my
manners couldn’t be peccable. Only toward and heard-of
behavior would do. Fortunately, the embarrassment that
my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There
were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as
flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata
or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to
sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to,
someone who usually aroused bridled passion.
So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some
apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in
a way that I could make heads and tails of. I was plussed.
It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and
it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me,
sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being
corrigible, I felt capacitated—as if this were something I was
great shakes at—and forgot that I had succeeded in
situations like this only a told number of times. So, after
a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made
my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.
Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had
no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous.
Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking
about the hors d’oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion
that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about
myself. She responded well, and I was mayed that she
considered me a savory character who was up to some
good. She told me who she was. “What a perfect nomer,”
I said, advertently. The conversation become more and
more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But
I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked
if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was
committal. We left the party together and have been
together ever since. I have given her my love, and she
has requited it.
Originally posted by Tinmart69Sounds like something George Carlin would write.
doubltless mentioned before....
" How I Met My Wife"
by Jack Winter
Published 25 July 1994 - The New Yorker
It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party
I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled
and consolate. I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the
coat check when I saw her standing alone in a co ...[text shortened]... ogether and have been
together ever since. I have given her my love, and she
has requited it.
Originally posted by zakkwylderPlease do! I own a couple of his books. Very good/funny/informative stuff! He also has a pretty good radio show he does on the last Friday of every month.
Richard Lederer is absolutely brilliant. I have his article on the english language. Excellent stuff. say so if youd like me to post it.
How I met my wife - true story.
I walked in to a party realised that I was unique by being sober and that I knew only the "couple" I arrived with and they had long since disappeared. I was person non grata for a while. My large frame blocking doorway from the hallway to the lounge, I was lurking like an internet chess nerd in the playboy mansion..
A pretty girl walked up to me and asked: Are you gay? No I said. (she obviously hadn't seen my dancing)
Are you single? she proceded. Yes I replied.
"Good", she said "you are the only single straight guy here, now get me a drink"
I got her a drink, then her telephone number, then an engagement ring, then gave her half of everything I own by marrying her. Now she's given me a beautiful daughter and I couldn't be happier.
Originally posted by invigorateChosen by default.
How I met my wife - true story.
I walked in to a party realised that I was unique by being sober and that I knew only the "couple" I arrived with and they had long since disappeared. I was person non grata for a while. My large frame blocking doorway from the hallway to the lounge, I was lurking like an internet chess nerd in the playboy mansion..
...[text shortened]... hing I own by marrying her. Now she's given me a beautiful daughter and I couldn't be happier.
Originally posted by invigoratebrilliant.😵
How I met my wife - true story.
I walked in to a party realised that I was unique by being sober and that I knew only the "couple" I arrived with and they had long since disappeared. I was person non grata for a while. My large frame blocking doorway from the hallway to the lounge, I was lurking like an internet chess nerd in the playboy mansion..
...[text shortened]... hing I own by marrying her. Now she's given me a beautiful daughter and I couldn't be happier.