How old were you when you got married? I feel ridiculously young to be thinking about marriage, but then a couple of my friends have recently got engaged/set the date etc.
And for those who aren't married, does not the prospect/concept of marriage not utterly terrify you? Similarly with regard to having children. I'm 22, and have a girlfriend who I care for very much, but the thought of having a child of my own, blimey, I just don't feel like I'm capable of having a child for like at least another decade (I mean looking after it, rather than creating it before some writes a cheeky comment 😉). As for marriage, I think I'd run a mile faster than you can say "that guy has commitment issues" 😉
Does your life fundamentally change when you get married?
T1000
PS Why do I get the feeling that Kirksey957 is gonna make some wisecrack shortly? 😀
Married at 29
1st Child at 30
2nd due in September
Yes your life changes when you get married but it just gets better.
I still look at my wife and say "Can you believe it that WE are PARENTS?!?!".
Don't wait to have kids until your ready... you never will. I'm STILL not ready to have kids... but I wouldn't change a thing. Kids make you life soooo much more rewarding!!!!
Are we ever old enough for marriage/children????
I was with my partner for 10 years before I got married!!!! Didn't feel ready until then. 29 at the time of marriage (coming up to 31 now) but i'm now going though a divorce 🙁🙁 so obviously marriage wasn't right for me.
So, what pearls of wisdom can I give. Talk to your partner, discuss everything and I mean everything. Marriage, Children, money, sex, the works. Not until you discuss these matters will you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner and them with you.
Sorry for bringing a serious issue to the thread.
Nigel
Originally posted by T1000You got that right, my buddy, but I will try to impart some wisdom. Got married when I was 29 and had my first child when I was 34. The first thing I will say is that life-long commitments are hard. Secondly, there are no perfect relationships. Take your time. I tell couples that are thinking of getting married to spend as much on marriage therapy as they will on the wedding and honeymoon. Look at your values, attitudes about money, ability to separate emotionally from your parents and all that. Yes, it changes everything, but not as much as kids. Someone told me once that you can always get out of a marriage, but you can never get out of a family. I will never forget feeling completely overwhelmed when I brought my first daughter home ( I did better with the second). They never prepare you for how their dependency will change your life and attitudes forever. They also don't prepare you for the financial cost of kids. Both of my kids never slept through the night for the first year. Let's just say that if RHP had been around then I would be MAP!
How old were you when you got married? I feel ridiculously young to be thinking about marriage, but then a couple of my friends have recently got engaged/set the date etc.
And for those who aren't married, does not the prospect/concept of marriage not utterly terrify you? Similarly with regard to having children. I'm 22, and have a girlfriend who I care f ...[text shortened]...
T1000
PS Why do I get the feeling that Kirksey957 is gonna make some wisecrack shortly? 😀
Mark, you are young. Take your time and have fun. Even when you get married and have kids it is important to have your own life and interests. If you get married and don't have your own interest say like RHP, Hooters, football, or whatever you will grow to resent the relationship. Smae goes for her. She needs stuff away from you. YOu see these crazy possessive relationhips and you can just smell the lawyers lurking ( my apologies to the lawyers on the site).
Actually I've been pretty tame here, Mark. Just my two cents.😉 Kirk
Married at 21
First child and only at 21 ( now a wonderful girl of 23 years old)
Divorced at 41
Almost married at 45
Will have 2 childrens on the "collection" ( 14 (boy) and 16 (girl) )
Life changes, your world will turn around, almost exclusive at your partner then the kids.
Kids are great but time consuming on the "opening", putting in all sort of trouble in the "midllegame" and you will not have any assurance on the "endgame" .
Is a satisfation to see them on the right "track" on the begining of a new live, when they start to play the "great chess game" that is LIFE
For starting the marriage your partner, is your secondant on the analisys of "game", is a common task but the victory of either is a common victory.
Sorry for this comparison between marrige and Chess but LIFE is a game. I must known all the game phases
Regards for all
Many congratulations on your forthcoming marriage Fernando! 🙂
But now then my favourite Portuguese football buddy, the most important question is....does she like football? 😉
And Kirk, very sound advice there ya big hero. Even just in the relationship I have now (a long way off marriage) the need for us both to have our own things, our own lives, is crucial and something we've talked about. Especially when you're young. Similarly, about spending too much time together. Maybe it's the right way for some relationships but I've found the relationship to be far better when we don't spend every minute of every day together. It's hard sometimes when you both want to do just that, but deep down it wouldn't be a good thing.
T1000
Originally posted by kirksey957Some good advice from Kirk here. Now for my two cents' worth.
You got that right, my buddy, but I will try to impart some wisdom. Got married when I was 29 and had my first child when I was 34. The first thing I will say is that life-long commitments are hard. Secondly, there are no perfect relationships. Take your time. I tell couples that are thinking of getting married to spend as much on marriage therapy as ...[text shortened]... lawyers on the site).
Actually I've been pretty tame here, Mark. Just my two cents.😉 Kirk
I was married at 26 and my first child is on the way (August!! 😲)
If you're thinking about getting married (and 22 IS too young) I would advise you to make sure you can get on with each other in even really tough circumstances. Bankrupt yourself and see how she takes it.
I would also advise you to make sure you have the same values and you want the same things out of life. If the sight of her throwing PET bottles straight into the garbage sends you into a rage or if your capitalist pig tendencies really annoy the f*+#$ out of her then perhaps you should look for someone closer to you, who you can feel totally comfortable with.
And of course make sure you separate lust from love. Imagine the relationship without the sex and see what would be left.
Imagine what it would be like living with that person for the rest of your life, once the sexual attraction is gone, with no other women, a lot less time with your friends, but the two of you get to share your dreams and disasters.
You get a great flatmate and a best friend perhaps for life. Of course your flat is probably going to be invaded by little monsters...er, angels, that drain you of every drop of energy and every cent you have and test that friendship to the limits, but I haven't gotten to that part quite yet.
And the last thing, people change. The person you marry won't be exactly the same even in a couple of years. That's why it's good to spend a few years together before you get married, to see where they're heading and where you're heading.
Ben
Originally posted by T1000Thanks Mark
[b]Many congratulations on your forthcoming marriage Fernando! 🙂
But now then my favourite Portuguese football buddy, the most important question is....does she like football? 😉
She likes and have two teams, Nacional from Madeira and Sporting from the Continent.
We see both of our teams together has possible and allways agree that the result dont mind, the game for the game.
Originally posted by fernando J P VasquezA great analogy, Fernando! I would also add that in marriage the goal may not to be always to win, but rather to give up pieces for one's advantage and better position. The mature couple knows this and that is why people in healthy relationships need not "always win." Kirk
Married at 21
First child and only at 21 ( now a wonderful girl of 23 years old)
Divorced at 41
Almost married at 45
Will have 2 childrens on the "collection" ( 14 (boy) and 16 (girl) )
Life changes, your world will turn around, almost exclusive at your partner then the kids.
Kids are great but time consuming on the "opening", p ...[text shortened]... tween marrige and Chess but LIFE is a game. I must known all the game phases
Regards for all
Originally posted by T1000I got married when I was 18. A friend of mine also got married at that age. He got divorced in less than a year. My marriage has been wonderful and is still strong.
[b]How old were you when you got married? I feel ridiculously young to be thinking about marriage, but then a couple of my friends have recently got engaged/set the date etc.
If you truly know your companion and wish to spen the rest of your days with them, then there is no proper age. I have a wonderful life and love my wife and son very much. The truth in your heart is all you need. Let your friends do what they want. Do what you know is right for you. 😉