chuck norris sounds a lot like lobo the last czarnian.
Lobo is an alien humanoid being from the planet Czarnia. Born in the Earth year 1599, Lobo is 6'4", 250 pounds, with red eyes and black hair (DCU Heroes Secret Files #1). Lobo is the last surviving member of his race, because he killed almost every other Czarnian on a whim one day.
Czarnia was a planet of peace and tranquility until Lobo was born. No one knows why he was the way he was, it just happened that way. Upon his birth, he bit off four of the midwife's fingers (Lobo, Vol. 1, #1) and immediately started chasing the doctors around with scalpels (Lobo, Vol. 2, #0). Lobo ripped out his elementary principal's throat when he was five during a temper tantrum (Lobo, Vol. 1, #1).
At age two, Lobo made his first on-air music request to Cosmic Rock Zombie Radio, where he threatened the DJ, Wolfman Wilf, to play I Killed My Folks (No Accident) by Oedipus Wrecks 24 hours a day, 365 days a year under penalty of grievous bodily harm. Lobo then broke into a medical clinic and forced the staff (at gunpoint) to implant a radio receiver into the audio lobes of his brain, permananently tuned to Cosmic Rock Zombie Radio. Naturally, he slit the staff's throats and burned the place down when the operation was finished (Lobo, Vol. 1, #1, Lobo, Vol. 1, #4, and Lobo, Vol. 2, #0).
At age eighteen, he killed every other member of his race, just so he could be unique in the universe (Lobo, Vol. 1, #1, Lobo, Vol. 2, #0, and DCU Heroes Secret Files #1).
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Wait a minute, did you say "killed every other member of his race?"
Yep, Lobo excelled in the ways of science, and during biology class, created an insect that was 117 microns long, airborne, and of a scorpion-like appearance. These little buggers would burrow into a person's skin and cause great black blisters and severe blood poisoning, inducing paralysis but not reducing the pain at all. Victims took about five days to die their agonizing and messy death. The entire time, Lobo, who had made himself immune to these creatures, sat up in his balcony getting drunk and playing thrash metal on his guitar. Around five billion people died over that short period of time, and Lobo just laughed (Lobo, Vol. 1, #1 and Lobo, Vol. 2, #0).
The only other Czarnian to survive this occurence was a Miss E. Tribb, Lobo's fourth-grade teacher, who was off-planet at the time. Eventually, Lobo did break her neck and kill her, too (Lobo, Vol. 1, #4).
Originally posted by Bad wolfChuck Norris is sooooo 2006.
Today my friends and I were telling each other some Chuck Norris facts.
LMAO, it was funny.
1. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
2. Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
3. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
4. Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" i r... and wins.
10. M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
D