new jokes !!!!

Originally posted by orangutan
I went to the Doctor recently for a check up on my shoulder.
Half way through the examination, the doctor turned to me and said "I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating."
"What?" I said " ... what's wrong?"
"Well ... I'm trying to examine you."

Originally posted by ale1552
My husband is sitting here thinking I have gone nuts! I have not laughed so hard for ages. Let someone else start your joke....😀

Originally posted by Phlabibit
Glad SOMEONE is having fun.

P-

Originally posted by ale1552
O Flabby! Did I hurt your feelings? I messed up your joke and now you are pouting. I promise to never do it again.😞

Originally posted by Phlabibit
I'm glad it ends here, so I don't need to enlist Red Night, Very Rusty and CashTheTrash of The Silent Majority to defend me against you thoughtless pranks!

P-

Originally posted by Phlabibit
I give up.

a man goes to a fancy dress party with a woman on his back,
bouncer: "what have you come as?"
man: "a tortoise."
bouncer: "who's she?" (pointing at woman)
man: oh, that's mischelle...😀

i bought a pair of tortoiuse skin shoes the other day... it took me six hours getting out thr shop!!!!!

Here's a topical one I heard on the radio this morning:

Fischer and Spassky bumped into each other in a hotel on Christmas Eve a few years ago and immediately started bragging to each other about how great they were at chess. One of the guests in the hotel asked the manager what all the fuss was about and the manager replied,
"It's ok. It's quite common at this time of year to have chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Originally posted by davejacks
Here's a topical one I heard on the radio this morning:

Fischer and Spassky bumped into each other in a hotel on Christmas Eve a few years ago and immediately started bragging to each other about how great they were at chess. One of the guests in the hotel asked the manager what all the fuss was about and the manager replied,
"It's ok. It's quite common at this time of year to have chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

What did the gay sperm say to each other?

How do we find an egg in all of this sh..

One winter evening a motorcyclist reversed his jacket so that the cold air would not come through the gaps between the buttons. Unfortunately he skidded on an icy spot and crashed into a tree. When the ambulance arrived the crew found that he was already dead and asked a man standing by what had happened. He replied that he seemed to be in pretty good shape at first, but after they got his head straightened out he suddenly died.

an englishman, scotsman and an irishman walk into a bar and they all order a pint....a fly lands on each of the drinks at the same time....

the englishman pushes the pint away in disgust...

the scotsman picks the fly out and continues to enjoy his drink...

the irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT YOU THIEVING BASTARD!!!"

I've given up my job at the helium balloon factory


I'm not being spoken to like that......

- Doctor, I see yellow wuggles everywhere.
- Yellow wuggles? What is that ?
- I don't know. It is becouse of that I am so nervous!