- Joined
- 16 Dec 04
- Moves
- 56692
If this has been posted before, I don't care, I just don't care, me and Chuck go way back.....
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for
Chuck Norris.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't
you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes having s*x with his waitress.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris
once ate a turtle whole, and when he cr*pped it out, the turtle was six
feet tall and had learned karate.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck
Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry,
the man ate a freakin Indian.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't
the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
The only child ever to survive a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris was
Gary Colman. He has not grown since.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck
could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't
fcuk with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in
the face.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the hell down.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the
bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his
own.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick
the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
Originally posted by Sicilian SmaugRyan, Oklahoma, Norris has two younger brothers, Wieland and Aaron Norris, who is a Hollywood producer. Norris was born to an alcoholic Cherokee Indian father and Irish mother.[1] When Norris was ten, his parents divorced[2] and he later relocated to Torrance, California with his mother and brothers.[3] Norris describes his childhood as downbeat. He was unathletic, shy, and scholastically mediocore. Kids would taunt his mixed ethnicity — wistfully he wanted to beat up his tormenters.[4] He finished high school and soon married his girlfriend, Diane Holechek. In 1958 Norris joined the United States Air Force as a Military Policeman and was sent to Osan Air Base South Korea. It was in South Korea that Norris acquired the nickname Chuck and began his training in Tang Soo Do. When he returned to the states he continued to act as an MP at March Air Force Base California.
Who's Chuck Norris?
Norris was discharged in August of 1962 without seeing combat. He worked for the Northrop corporation and opened a chain of karate schools, which the son of Steve McQueen attended.[5] In 1963, his son Mike was born; a second son, Eric, followed in 1965.
In 1970, his younger brother Weiland was killed in Vietnam. Norris later dedicated his Missing in Action films to his brother's memory.
At a martial arts demonstration in Long Beach, Norris met the soon to be famous Bruce Lee, who would ingrain Norris in martial arts history forever with his portrayal as Bruce Lee's nemesis in the Way of the Dragon. [6]
In 1988, after 30 years of marriage, Norris and Holechek divorced. He married again in 1998, this time to former model Gena O'Kelley, and she delivered twins in 2001: Dakota Alan Norris, a boy, and Danilee Kelly Norris, a girl.
In 1968, Norris became Middleweight Karate champion (non-contact), a title he held for seven consecutive years.[7] In 1969, he won Karate's triple crown for the most tournament wins of the year, and the fighter of the year award by Black Belt magazine. It was also in 1969 that Norris made his acting debut, in the Dean Martin movie The Wrecking Crew. In 1972, he acted alongside Bruce Lee in the movie Way of the Dragon, and in 1974, McQueen encouraged him to begin acting classes at the MGM Studio.
Norris' first starring role was 1977's Breaker, Breaker!, and subsequent films such as The Octagon (1980), An Eye for an Eye (1981), and Lone Wolf McQuade proved his increasing box office bankability. In 1984, Norris starred in Missing in Action, the first of a series of POW rescue fantasies produced by Israeli cousins Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus and released under their Cannon Films banner. Over the next four years, Norris became Cannon's most prominent star, appearing in eight films, including Code of Silence, The Delta Force and Firewalker, in which he co-starred with Academy Award winner Louis Gossett, Jr.
By the close of the 1980s, Cannon Films had faded from prominence, and Norris' star appeal seemed to go with it. He reprised his Delta Force role for MGM, who had acquired the Cannon library after the latter's Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Norris went on to make several more largely ignored films before making a transition to television. In 1993, he began shooting the series Walker, Texas Ranger, which lasted eight years on CBS and continued in heavy syndication on other channels.
Also here is his imdb file http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001569/
I hope from this you can get to feel you know him a little better.