Originally posted by NicolaiSplease don't get me wrong. I wasn't asking for the thread to be stopped (I didn't 'alert mods' or anything) I was more thinking out loud. Why are some people able to tell of their worst experiences and others (like me) not able or unwilling? I'm still not sure but maybe it has to do with how they think the action/event will reflect on them. Most of the people who have come forward with stories have had horrible experiences but they reacted well and did the 'right' thing despite it being unpleasent or hard. I suspect that the people who won't come forward are those who don't have any silver lining to their experience. Recounting how you put yourself on the line to help the raped shows something good about yourself. I doubt anyone will come forward to say that they were raped because that doesn't have a silver lining, there is no good reflection on the teller. People do need to talk about these things but not in such an open environment.
Should we continu this topic? Why not? People do experience dreadful things in life... some are willing to talk about it, some don't. Some want to listen/read it and be some sort of comfort. Some can not or don't want to.
Sarah is trying to open up a possibility for those who do want to share and perhaps find some support ... nothing wrong with that; n ...[text shortened]... or post in this thread. The thread title is clear and can not be mistaken for its contents.
I wasn't trying to stop the thread, just trying to express that when I tried to write I couldn't and it hurt to try and that I couldn't understand why some people could.
Originally posted by Alpha10"I'll be in senior high school next year" (profile of Alpha10). So how old does that make you? 14? 16? I don't know the US school system but doyou have a licence yet?. But you're saying that at under 18 (?) you were supposed to be the designated driver. Who's car? If you're still in school I'd guess it wasn't your's or at least that your parents bought it for you and you still ive with them? Why would a group of under 18's need a designated driver when you can't drink until your 21? Yet you say that you got drunk and killed someone and paralised someone else. And you're not in prison? Could you explain yourself a little better because on the surface your story seems implausable. Igf you have no explanation please do not disrespect the people who are honestly pouring our their worst experinces by trying to 'one up' them with fabrications.
I was supposed to be the designated driver one time and I got drunk anyways. The people I was supposed to drive home drove home drunk and got into a wreck and 1 died and another one is paralyzed from the neck down. Therapy.........
Originally posted by belgianfreakPoint taken. I know it hurts writing bad experients down. In a way "knowing" that is the first step in every therapy dealing with trauma's of any kind. Knowing that some things/experiences hurt and feeling how hard it is to talk about is vital in every plan to deal with it.
please don't get me wrong. I wasn't asking for the thread to be stopped (I didn't 'alert mods' or anything) I was more thinking out loud. Why are some people able to tell of their worst experiences and others (like me) not able or unwilling? I'm still not sure but maybe it has to do with how they think the action/event will reflect on them. Most o ...[text shortened]... d to write I couldn't and it hurt to try and that I couldn't understand why some people could.
Everybody has to take that step in his or hers own pase. It can not be hurried. Feeling that you are not ready (and perhaps never will) to tell or write about it needs an understanding of yourself thats vital to take step two ... the step when you realize you DO wanna do something about it.
I realize that lots of people never want to get to step 2 in the proces for the simple fact that step one (knowing it hurts when talking about it) will be avoided at all time, thus burrying the "problem" as far as possible.
From my own experience's I know thats not a solution and it will creep back on you for years to come. It took me 10 years to acknowledge that the physical disease I battled (and won) in 1992 came back as a psychological disease years later and a second battle begun and unfortunaetly that one isn't won yet ... but I did take step one and later two as I wanted to stop feeling about myself and the surrounding world the way I did. It took some very painful steps but I am glad I took them.
Originally posted by belgianfreakFirst, do you really have to jump on my back EVERY time I post something? Second, I was SUPPOSED to drive them home but I didn't. Third, in America it's pretty easy to buy alcohol under age.
"I'll be in senior high school next year" (profile of Alpha10). So how old does that make you? 14? 16? I don't know the US school system but doyou have a licence yet?. But you're saying that at under 18 (?) you were supposed to be the designated driver. Who's car? If you're still in school I'd guess it wasn't your's or at least that your paren ...[text shortened]... are honestly pouring our their worst experinces by trying to 'one up' them with fabrications.
1 edit
Originally posted by NicolaiSI totally agree that holding these things inside is short term easier and maybe necessary but long term unhealthy to let it fester. Are there cases where you can sucessfully deal and make peace with something on your own? I'd say that there are but that doesn't mean that you wouldn't have been an easier path if you'd passed the hurdle of talking to someone.
Point taken. I know it hurts writing bad experients down. In a way "knowing" that is the first step in every therapy dealing with trauma's of any kind. Knowing that some things/experiences hurt and feeling how hard it is to talk about i ...[text shortened]... I did. It took some very painful steps but I am glad I took them.
I have however talked to a select few people, people I'd trust literally with my life, but it's not going to happen on a public forum.
nb. sorry if I've hijaked the thread EDG, I'll stop now.
Originally posted by belgianfreakThere are ways to deal with it on your own and I agree thats a long and often painful road. Talking to a select group of people is much more then dealing with on your own. I didn't mean that "seeking" help inclined to post it on a public forum ... most certainly not. I will not do that either. I did refer to my illness, but am not opening up about the subject as I don't want that to be "in public".
I totally agree that holding these things inside is short term easier and maybe necessary but long term unhealthy to let it fester. Are there cases where you can sucessfully deal and make peace with something on your own? I'd say that there are but that doesn't mean that you wouldn't have been an easier path if you'd passed the hurdle of talking to ...[text shortened]... ople, people I'd trust literally with my life, but it's not going to happen on a public forum.
Taking the steps in opening up is exactly what you did ... talk to the ones you trust. Sometimes followed by professional help (therapy), but thats a decision only you can make and nobody else. The people you are talking to can give the advice to do seek professional help, thats what happened in my case. And belive me... taking THAT step is even harder then the very first time accepting you do have a problem.
1 edit
Originally posted by Alpha10OK, my misread - it was the fact that you didn't actually drive that set sort of lead to the accident. I'd still be interested in answers to the rest of my questions though as it'd help me picture the set up where a 14/16/18 (?) year old is supposed to drive to a party where everyone else is supposed to get drunk (also underage?) and yet stay sober 'til the end of the night
First, do you really have to jump on my back EVERY time I post something? Second, I was SUPPOSED to drive them home but I didn't. Third, in America it's pretty easy to buy alcohol under age.
nb. have I been on your case before? I don't recall. I disagreed with your stance on AoC but didn't have time to post and thought Genius & Remora were expressing my pretty well views already. I'm certainly not singling you out as a target to pick disagreements with. Where else have I 'jumped on your back'?
Originally posted by belgianfreakstaying sober at a party is possible! i did it last satarday...(i'm going teetotal till the end of august 😛).
OK, my misread - it was the fact that you didn't actually drive that set sort of lead to the accident. I'd still be interested in answers to the rest of my questions though as it'd help me picture the set up where a 14/16/18 (?) year old is supposed to drive to a party where everyone else is supposed to get drunk (also underage?) and yet stay sober ...[text shortened]... gling you out as a target to pick disagreements with. Where else have I 'jumped on your back'?
and in some states you can drive when your 16. so it is kinda possible...
Originally posted by belgianfreakMy bad belgianfreak, it was genius on my case....I'm 18, and a senior in high school, which is reason to celebrate.
OK, my misread - it was the fact that you didn't actually drive that set sort of lead to the accident. I'd still be interested in answers to the rest of my questions though as it'd help me picture the set up where a 14/16/18 (?) year old is supposed to drive to a party where everyone else is supposed to get drunk (also underage?) and yet stay sober ...[text shortened]... gling you out as a target to pick disagreements with. Where else have I 'jumped on your back'?
Originally posted by ncrosbyThe guilt was unbearable at first, but the guys sister is pretty much my sister now. I keep the guy alive by taking care of his sister, so the guilts not there anymore.
The experience with Alpha is totally feasible, I know someone who had a similar experience when they were in high school. I can't imagine the guilt you feel Alpha, even though you weren't driving, and I'm sorry it happened.
ncrosby
By the way Belgianfreak, look at the person right in front of you in rankings 😉
Originally posted by Alpha10ah sweeety, I am so sorry. Sometimes we make bad decisions and we have to live with the outcome. You have to forgive yourself and find something that helps you 'make up" for it. You can't give your friend his life back,, but you can adopt a child or work with children, or somehting tio help others.
I was supposed to be the designated driver one time and I got drunk anyways. The people I was supposed to drive home drove home drunk and got into a wreck and 1 died and another one is paralyzed from the neck down. Therapy.........
You know that it isn't your fault? Your frineds shouldn't have driven either, or someone should have stopped them.
Originally posted by Alpha10ahead of me? ahead of me!!! By what rights? 😉
The guilt was unbearable at first, but the guys sister is pretty much my sister now. I keep the guy alive by taking care of his sister, so the guilts not there anymore.
By the way Belgianfreak, look at the person right in front of you in rankings 😉
(probably win/loss ratio...)
Give me 1 week & I promise I'll be miles away fromyou. I won't promise in what direction 😛