Originally posted by elohiym chananBest joke on here so far elohiym... sorry that really should be Bowman thinking he is funny.
You misspelled “I’m”
Here's a good joke my mate just sent me.
A man is walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.. BUMP... behind him
Walking faster he looks back and can make out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him
...BUMP,
it goes.. ...BUMP..
...BUMP..
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his house, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him..
Faster..
FASTER..
BUMP..
BUMP..
BUMP!
He runs up to the door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him..
However, the coffin crashes through the door - its lid clapping dementedly.. Clappity-BUMP..
Clappity-BUMP..
Clappity-BUMP..
Hot on the heels of the terrified man..
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is mixed with sobs and gasps..
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping towards him..
The man screams and reaches for something, anything...
but all he can find is a bottle of Benylin Expectorant in the medicine cabinet.. Desperate, he throws the bottle at the coffin..
(wait for it...)
...the coffin stops!
Last one before land of nod calls.
There were two prawns, James and Christian, swimming along the bottom of the ocean. James accidentally rubs up against an old lantern and whoosh, a genie appears and grants James two wishes.
After a moment's thought James decides that he wants to becomes a shark so as to gain the respect of all the creatures of the sea. Whoosh, James becomes a shark and swims off.
Two weeks later James is upset. All of his old friends are now afraid of him and his life is miserable. He decides to use his second wish, and he wishes to be a prawn once again. Whoosh.... Now a prawn once more, James swims away to look for his mate Christian.
When he arrives at Christian's house he knocks on the door and shouts out for Christian. "Go away", says Christian, "you're a shark and you'll just eat me".
"No I won't", shouts James, "I'm a prawn again Christian".
😀
Originally posted by Grand Master GavMr. GMG Please in the name of God, explain that. Maybe I AM dense. The joke was great. Till the last line.
Best joke on here so far elohiym... sorry that really should be Bowman thinking he is funny.
Here's a good joke my mate just sent me.
A man is walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.. BUMP... behind him
Walking faster he looks back and can make out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of t ...[text shortened]... .. Desperate, he throws the bottle at the coffin..
(wait for it...)
...the coffin stops!
Originally posted by Grand Master GavNow Mr. GMG THAT'S a joke!! Good one! But that "coffin" joke, I dunno bout that one.
Not original... no... but if you don't want to join in... erm.... don't (more polite way of saying "go play with a sharp pointy thingy, whilst blindfolded and hopping downstairs"... don't do this at home folks!). Bowmann.. The threads can be amusing and more original than your ever so witty retorts.
Back to the jokes.....A woman gets on a bu ...[text shortened]... e man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd have thought one of them would've seen it.
Being an equal-opportunity blonde joke person, here's one about a male blond:
A blond football player (American football) boards an airplane with a coach ticket, but demands to be seated in first class. The stewardess patiently tries to explain to him that his ticket won't permit that. The blond says, "I'm a football player and I'm going to New York in first class!"
The stewardess goes to the co-pilot and explains the situation. The co-pilot comes back and tries to get the football player to take a seat in the coach section. But the blond says, "I'm a football player and I'm going to New York in first class!"
Given the beefy build of the football player, the co-pilot is hesistant about applying force, so he takes the problem to the pilot. The pilot says, "I know just what to do." The pilot goes back, whispers into the ear of the football player, and the blond meekly takes a seat in coach. The stewardess and co-pilot later approach the pilot, asking, "What in the world did you say to him?"
The pilot grins. "I just told him that first class wasn't going to New York!"