How to spot a cheater?

Originally posted by ivan2908
Well, when you are looking for an open invite or challenge always try to pick someone without rollercoaster graph.. That should do the trick, look for players with stable ratings and you won't face cheaters that often.

rollercoaster graph may just show a player that play against many higher rated oponents. If you always play against weaker oponents and few oponents of your lever and fewer stronger oponents, you wont have a rollercoaster graph. I doesnt mean that a player with a stable graph cant cheat, just that it will take more time for him to increase his rating. I think you cant judge if somebody is cheating based only on graph (well, unless a regular 1300 rise to 1900 in a month). Rollercoaster graph or not dont tell you if somebody is cheating.

I play on another site and they seem to have very little concern about cheaters. I may be wrong, but some players I have encountered have very suspicous stats. At present I have several games where I am losing to players with far lower ratings. And I don't mean by a few points. One in particular is several hundred points behind me and of the 4 games, he is stomping me. Thanks to this sites mods, I see little of this problem. My rating here is about 200 lower than the other site. And I don't have an engin or am even sure what one is. I have books and play as hard as I can. Also I don't talk chess or chat much.I'm rambling. But like this site by far the most. Thanks for the hard workers and interested players. And also, their forum really sucks.

Originally posted by Evil Pawn 666
I play on another site and they seem to have very little concern about cheaters. I may be wrong, but some players I have encountered have very suspicous stats. At present I have several games where I am losing to players with far lower ratings. And I don't mean by a few points. One in particular is several hundred points behind me and of the 4 games, ost. Thanks for the hard workers and interested players. And also, their forum really sucks.

This sort of assumption makes no sense.

You say you are rated 200 points higher on another site than here. OK that makes you rated 1650 there. Then you say players there rated far lower than you. Far lower means they are rated about 1400 I assume. They are beating you. Nothing unusual about that, 1400s can beat 1600s regularly. But now you say because they are beating you, maybe they are using an engine. Now this is totally illogical. If they were using an engine they would not be rated 1400.

Why is it that so many times I read "Someone weaker than me is beating me, therefore, he is cheating". That is so illogical! I have lost to 1500s and I have beaten 2400s in my time - it happens, often.

Originally posted by Dragon Fire
This sort of assumption makes no sense.

You say you are rated 200 points higher on another site than here. [b]OK that makes you rated 1650 there. Then you say players there rated far lower than you. Far lower means they are rated about 1400 I assume. They are beating you. Nothing unusual about that, 1400s can beat 1600s regularly. Bu ...[text shortened]... is so illogical! I have lost to 1500s and I have beaten 2400s in my time - it happens, often.[/b]

Well put Dragon fire.I played Moneymaker7 some 300 pts lower than me and i just assumed i'd sweep her away turned out to be a nightmare of a game for me,did she cheat or not? with so many games on the go for me i think not.When i get people 2-300 pts higher than me i tend to raise my game to..

How to Become an Internet Chess Master

by Robert T. Touhey

Being an Internet Chess Master gives my life meaning!

Let’s take stock. Your job is a sad joke. Your woman (if you’ve even got one) is about as good looking as Saddam Hussein. Your best friend is your PC. And, worst of all, any ten-year-old school-kid can kick your butt at chess.

In short, you’re finally starting to suspect what everybody has been telling you for years – that you’re a complete loser.

My pathetic pal, not to worry – there is hope.

You can give your life meaning by becoming an Internet Chess Master!

By simply following the few steps outlined in this article, you can prop up that sagging, flabby ego, improve your worthless self-worth, and become a hero not only in your own mind, but in the virtual world as well.

Step One: Discard All Morals
It is glaringly obvious (to you), that as you lose nine out of ten chess games you play on the Internet, your opponents are cheating.

Who do those dirty punks think they’re dealing with? Are you going to let them get away with this?

Of course you’re not!

In fact, with very little thought on your part, you will have no trouble convincing yourself that it’s your moral duty, your ethical obligation, to out-cheat those low-life rats! As you fire-up Fritz in the background, fancy yourself “The Chess Avenger,” regaining the stolen rating points of the weak, downtrodden fools who actually make their own moves.

Second, it’s again obvious (to you), that if you had actually bothered to read any of those chess books you bought some months (or years?) ago, you could easily beat anyone. (Secretly, you know you’re a genius.) Right now, however, you just don’t have the time to waste on such stupidity. You have other problems to worry about. Like your rotten job, your rotten girlfriend, and those rotten Internet chess cheats.

Finally, if, in the unlikely event, any last moral qualms tickle you, just remember that it’s only Internet chess – so who gives a flying hoot anyway?

Step Two: Buy the Strongest Chess Program You Can Afford
This, my felonious friend, is the very heart, the key, the indispensable crux of your Internet Chess Mastership. In fact, without it, you are nothing.

Don’t shortchange yourself with a second-rate, or, worse still, free, chess engine. No, you owe it to yourself to cheat with the best!

Beg, borrow, steal it – but get it. Today!

Step Three: Learn to Juggle
The Internet Chess Master must be able to switch back and forth between programs with lightning speed. Fundamental operations such as “game copy, paste, analyze” are little more than second-nature. All this requires practice.

If you’re slow-of-hand, try mousercises. Like a concert pianist, crack your knuckles to warm-up. Knock back an espresso or two. Do whatever it takes to cheat well.

Remember: the chess engine may be calculating the moves, but you, as Internet Chess Master, must input them. To cheat well, you must cheat accurately.

Keep in mind the Six C’s: The Computer Chess Cheat is Calm, Cool, and Collected. You should not be some clumsy geek fiddling with Fritz, Notepad, and Winboard, half-assed stumbling to a few sleazy wins. Rather, imagine yourself as Mr. Spock, stolidly seated at his console, a model of logical efficiency, saving the Enterprise from certain doom.

Swift-of-finger, slow-of-mind, pointlessly treacherous, the Internet Chess Master is the button-pusher par excellence.

Step Four: The Name Game
Having divested yourself of any pesky morals, acquired an artificial brain, and learned to make multiple programs dance like trained fleas, are you all set to claw your way to an Internet Chess Master’s rating?

No, my eager cheater, you are not. You need a name. Far from the simple matter it seems, the true Internet Chess Master must carefully carve his “handle.”

By the way, immediately jettison any fool idea of using your real name. Not only would this be a crass violation of “Internet etiquette” (something of an oxymoron), but just imagine what a jackass you’d look if caught at something as childishly stupid as Internet chess cheating.

No, in order to best cloak yourself in the anonymity of the net, you need a falsie. Think about it: you’re not using your own brain, so why use your own name?

Now, as any netizen will condescendingly inform you, there are basically three styles available to you. First, is the “regular guy” approach, e.g. “Joe Wood Pusher,” in opposition to which is the “great man” tag, e.g. “Joe Genius.” Both of these methods are, however, prosaic and of little interest to the true aficionado of chessic cheatery.

The mark of the Internet Chess Master is sly subterfuge, tinged with a sneering mockery. Ponder, for example, the connotative slap of “Cheetah Boy,” or the double pun of “Silly Con Player.” Now these are names an Internet Chess Master can stand, and hide, behind.

Step Five: Clockwork Hilarity
The final polish of the Internet Chess Master (as opposed to some part-time wanna-be putz) is the prepared insult file. This little gem, stored simply in Notepad, is a list of insults for each and every chessic occasion. Once again, all you need do is copy and paste, avoiding the fuss and muss of original thought.

Now, I ask you, amid the heat of entering in the computer’s moves and smugly laughing at your opponent’s predicament, will you be further able to think up witty, off-the-cuff repartee or hurl stinging verbal digs? I think not.

For example, “you” have chased your hapless opponent’s king out into the open, and a classic king-hunt ensues. What insults have you at hand? OK, you might type in, “Ha. You are lost, jerk,” but this is in very poor style.

If, however, you had cleverly prepared an insult file, you could have pasted in, “Hope your king has a passport, buddy – because he’s going on a trip. Bon Voyage!”

Or, again, if your unsuspecting adversary drops a pawn, you could drop a bomb on him with, “Pawns for free, fresh off the board! Get’em while they’re hot!”

But these wicked witticisms are of the pre-fab variety. Just like your chess, no original thought is required.

Interview with an Internet Chess Master
A couple of years back (when I still wasted time on Internet chess) it was my habit to warm-up with a few unrated games before risking my lowly 1800. On one occasion, a player rated in excess of 2300 condescended to take me on. Very strange to relate, but for three games running I did to him what Mike Tyson would do to Woody Allen in a street fight. The following conversation ensued.

Bob: Are you letting me win?
Flaming Skull of Checkmate: No.
Bob: But you’re 500 points higher than me.
Flaming Skull of Checkmate: On rated games I use a chess program.
Bob: Isn’t that cheating?
Flaming Skull of Checkmate: No, everyone does it.
Bob: I don’t.
Flaming Skull of Checkmate: That’s why your score is so low. You’re an idiot.

Indeed, I must be. You see, I am not an Internet Chess Master. I’m just an ordinary chess player who thinks for himself. Oh, yes, and a conscientious reporter.

Outstanding post!

Great explanation of what must go through these morons minds.