I have a confession to make

USArmyParatrooper View Profile

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24 Mar '10 00:56

USArmyParatrooper
Joined
10 May '09
Moves
13341
24 Mar '10 00:56
I'm poor loser. Something about losing at chess that drives me absolutely mad. If I lose at cards I can care less, it's all in good fun. But there's something about losing a chess match that I tend to take personal.

Playing online I've actually made mild, but snide remarks when I make a major blunder. It's horrible sportsmanship and I'm going to make a conscious effort to lose better. I'm not an a-hole every time I lose, but sometimes I don't know what comes over me.

Has anyone else dealt with this?
USArmyParatrooper
Joined
10 May '09
Moves
13341
24 Mar '10 00:58
Oh, and BTW I can't be the only one. I've actually had online players cuss me out and get reaaallly personal when they're losing.
~~TryFailRepeat~~
Account suspended
Joined
18 Mar '10
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626
24 Mar '10 01:10
You think you have it bad?

In real tournaments I feel bad when I win.

Try that.
~~robbie carrobie~~
Account suspended
Joined
26 Aug '07
Moves
38239
24 Mar '10 01:39
Originally posted by TryFailRepeat
You think you have it bad?

In real tournaments I feel bad when I win.

Try that.
Lol, fear of failure and fear of winning, it just about sums it up for me 🙂
~~robbie carrobie~~
Account suspended
Joined
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Moves
38239
24 Mar '10 02:00
Originally posted by USArmyParatrooper
I'm poor loser. Something about losing at chess that drives me absolutely mad. If I lose at cards I can care less, it's all in good fun. But there's something about losing a chess match that I tend to take personal.

Playing online I've actually made mild, but snide remarks when I make a major blunder. It's horrible sportsmanship and I'm going t ...[text shortened]... ose, but sometimes I don't know what comes over me.

Has anyone else dealt with this?
you bet, its a part of the process to learn to take defeat graciously. I think it was Susan Polgar who stated that to be modest in winning and gracious in defeat was the maxim. Understanding why we lost is much more important. Today i was defeated by a good friend, rated almost 500 points lower than me, i rejoiced with him, for we have played many times and it was his first victory. Some of the best games that i have played have been losses, where the tension is kept throughout the game, one slip and someone walks the plank, the worst games are when i am a rook and six pawns up facing a loan king, its just no fun to win in such circumstances. What has helped me, is a little quote from Bruce Lee, when asked about his thoughts when facing an opponent, 'there is no enemy for there is no I', thus personal detachment i think is definitely a help.

Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
-David Borenstein
scacchipazzo
Joined
30 Sep '08
Moves
2996
24 Mar '10 02:09
Originally posted by USArmyParatrooper
I'm poor loser. Something about losing at chess that drives me absolutely mad. If I lose at cards I can care less, it's all in good fun. But there's something about losing a chess match that I tend to take personal.

Playing online I've actually made mild, but snide remarks when I make a major blunder. It's horrible sportsmanship and I'm going t ...[text shortened]... ose, but sometimes I don't know what comes over me.

Has anyone else dealt with this?
No one likes losing. Grace in victory or defeat is paramount. I would never say anything snide or belittling. What's the point? If you get outplayed rejoice! If you outplay, don't gloat. Live and learn and move on! NO earthly reason to take a loss personally. Opponent did nothing to you you would not have done likelwise!
Mariska Angela
Nyuszi, golyó!
Joined
28 Jul '09
Moves
9914
24 Mar '10 02:32
I was invited once with my family to one of my dads friends a family to family meet up. Where I was sitting bored like hell doing nothing. My dads friends family consisted of 2 boys, 1 around my age, and 1 like 10 yr old or something. I had my brother with me, where we decided to play a game of chess. So we played and in the end we mated them. I saw the tears in the "my age" guy's eyes and me and my brother got like freaked out. Darn, it's this guys home and we actually made him cry! 😲

We quickly took his king and made a small scene out of it. "Wooo, your king has been revived", took his king piece and slammed all of our pieces on the chess board. "Your king has defeated us"

He literally starts to crack laughing, eventually we found out at the end when we reached home he had some what craziness in his brains, but ouch it was going to be embarrassing.
ParShooter
San Francisco, CA US
Joined
09 Jan '07
Moves
182346
24 Mar '10 02:48
You lose at cards, maybe it was bad luck. You lose at chess, it is your fault. You cannot shift the blame elsewhere.

Tiwaking

Joined: 26 Jan '10
Moves: 1174

24 Mar '10 07:23

Originally posted by USArmyParatrooper
I'm poor loser. Something about losing at chess that drives me absolutely mad. If I lose at cards I can care less, it's all in good fun. But there's something about losing a chess match that I tend to take personal
Originally posted by robbie carrobie
Understanding why we lost is much more important

I agree wholeheartedly with what robbie carrobie said. I can stand 'losing', but I cant stand losing where I could have easily done better.

I'll share a situation from one of my games: Game 7180970

The correct move here is: Bf4, but I played the weak Nd2 instead

I kicked myself for days afterwards and still do today. The result of this game didnt matter, what mattered was the fact that, because I was so scared of the move f5 by Black I would do anything to con him out of doing it (The idea was that 'If I passively develop a piece, he might aggressively develop Nf6'😉

I took a leaf out of greenpawns book and decided to look over some of the games you have played: Game 6647644
This one is of particular interest to me since it is a birds opening

Invert Board PGN Headers

If I were you, I wouldnt feel bad about this game. You got outplayed, but not overly so and I definitely think you would beat trixster again if you played him.

HOWEVER: This game Game 6546698 made me a very sad panda

Invert Board PGN Headers

You should definitely avoid playing like this in the future

A Unique Nickname
Joined
10 Jan '08
Moves
16950
24 Mar '10 15:30
Originally posted by ParShooter
You lose at cards, maybe it was bad luck. You lose at chess, it is your fault. You cannot shift the blame elsewhere.
exactly. i get much more annoyed when i lose to be bit of bad luck in cards. losing in chess you know it's your fault and generally try to learn something fir the next game.
SwissGambit
Caninus Interruptus
2014.05.01
Joined
11 Apr '07
Moves
92274
24 Mar '10 18:12
Originally posted by Tiwaking
I agree wholeheartedly with what robbie carrobie said. I can stand 'losing', but I cant stand losing where I could have easily done better.

I'll share a situation from one of my games: Game 7180970
[fen]r1b1k1nr/2p1pp1p/p1pq2p1/8/3Pp3/2P5/PP4PP/RNBQ1RK1 w -kq - 0 12[/fen]
The correct move here is: Bf4, but I played the weak Nd2 instead

I kicke ...[text shortened]... y avoid playing like this in the future
Sometimes you can distract yourself from chronic pain by inflicting pain in another area of the body.

In other words, kick yourself in a different spot.

Same game, a few moves earlier. You played 8.0-0? losing a pawn. This is the move you should be kicking yourself over. Bf4 instead of Nd2 later doesn't change the fact that you have thrown away two pawns.
Essex 3
Joined
29 Jun '05
Moves
6907
24 Mar '10 18:51
Originally posted by robbie carrobie
I think it was Susan Polgar who stated that to be modest in winning and gracious in defeat was the maxim.
I have this noted down as : -

"Win with grace, lose with dignity." - Susan Polgar
nimzo5
Ronin
Hereford Boathouse
Joined
08 Oct '09
Moves
29575
24 Mar '10 18:56
I don't think you need to beat yourself up for getting mad for losing a game of internet chess - unless you move from yelling at the screen to actually typing insults.

the reason poker is so profitable compared to chess is that players can make the same mistakes over and over and be able to pass it off as bad luck.
Tiwaking
Joined
26 Jan '10
Moves
1174
26 Mar '10 06:42
Originally posted by SwissGambit
Sometimes you can distract yourself from chronic pain by inflicting pain in another area of the body.

In other words, kick yourself in a different spot.

Same game, a few moves earlier. You played 8.0-0? losing a pawn. This is the move you should be kicking yourself over. Bf4 instead of Nd2 later doesn't change the fact that you have thrown away two pawns.
I think you may have hit Paratroopers dilemma on the head here SwissGambit!

I played 8. 0-0?! on purpose to deliberately lose a pawn, the idea being 11.Qf3. But I missed the obvious 11. ... f5!

A calculated mistake is still a mistake. A mistake with a happy ending is still a mistake

In chess you have to live with your mistakes
UzumakiAi
Joined
30 Dec '07
Moves
9905
27 Mar '10 23:20
Originally posted by USArmyParatrooper
I'm poor loser. Something about losing at chess that drives me absolutely mad. If I lose at cards I can care less, it's all in good fun. But there's something about losing a chess match that I tend to take personal.

Playing online I've actually made mild, but snide remarks when I make a major blunder. It's horrible sportsmanship and I'm going t ...[text shortened]... ose, but sometimes I don't know what comes over me.

Has anyone else dealt with this?
I once had someone try to punch me in an over the board pick-up game in a park. But that was Go, not chess.

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I have a confession to make