you might be a chessplayer if

you don't call a knight a horse

...you have mated in a variety of positions.

...you are an artist but abhore drawing.

You go into a rage when you see a chess scene in a movie and the board is set up wrong or the position is illegal or impossible.

You have to go into every used bookstore that you come across just to see if they have that old forgotten chess book that will make you a chessmaster.

You HATE chess metaphors used by people that know nothing about chess.

You press every clock and watch you see

When your wife asks you if you love chess more than her you just look at her and say nothing.

you have a copy of MCO

@lemondrop said
you have a copy of MCO

@anderssen said
You might be a chessplayer if you've realized your copy of MCO isn't needed anymore because..."Your only task in the opening is to reach a playable middlegame" - Portisch

LoL
You might be a chessplayer if you bust out laughing from chess jokes.

you might be a chess player if you read greenpawn34's blog

@lemondrop said
you might be a chess player if you read greenpawn34's blog

...if you hate getting mated.