1. Subscriberduecer
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    28 Aug '09 15:061 edit
    It will be called the One True United Church of Jehovah. Any one else who does not join my church and subscribe to the doctrines that I will divulge to them, will have to sleep dormant in the ground for all eternity. Jehovah has chosen me to be his faithful and discreet slave. You say you want proof? That just shows your lack of faith, and I will have to dismiss you from our congregation if you persist in questioning me. Jehovah speaks to me and I to him. He has revealed the light to me, so when I tell you something and you disagree, its like arguing with The Great and Almighty Jehovah Himself.

    My first order of business. This pesky trinity doctrine. It was old light, and replaced in the late 1800's with new light, that says there is only ONE GOD!. But Jehovah revealed to me this morning while eating my fruit loops that He has newer light for us my brethren; The trinity is back on, yes that's right...we are once again trinitarians, breakout yer crosses and put them back on the wall.

    Please send money orders to the Home church for your current publications, credit cards are also accepted....no personal checks.
  2. Joined
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    28 Aug '09 15:09
    Originally posted by duecer
    Any one else who does not join my church and subscribe to the doctrines that i will divulge to them, will have to sleep dormant in the ground for all eternity.
    I am assuming this is AFTER we're dead?
  3. Subscriberduecer
    anybody seen my
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    28 Aug '09 15:10
    Originally posted by PsychoPawn
    I am assuming this is AFTER we're dead?
    your choice, we can help with the decision
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    28 Aug '09 15:21
    Originally posted by duecer
    your choice, we can help with the decision
    Can I belong to your denomination and never pay money and never go to church and never say anything about the church?
  5. Subscriberduecer
    anybody seen my
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    28 Aug '09 15:29
    Originally posted by PsychoPawn
    Can I belong to your denomination and never pay money and never go to church and never say anything about the church?
    fine...except about the money part....lights don't come on by themselves ya know.
  6. Joined
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    28 Aug '09 15:38
    Originally posted by duecer
    It will be called the One True United Church of Jehovah. Any one else who does not join my church and subscribe to the doctrines that I will divulge to them, will have to sleep dormant in the ground for all eternity. Jehovah has chosen me to be his faithful and discreet slave. You say you want proof? That just shows your lack of faith, and I will have to dism ...[text shortened]... me church for your current publications, credit cards are also accepted....no personal checks.
    Poke fun if you must. But let's say your serious for one minute. The fruitage you produce will prove if your right....Ga 5:22-25. Also another clue if you are used by God is at 1Pet 5:9. That's just a couple for the time being. Lets see how it goes...

    PS. I notice you don't use the Bible much at all to prove your points..Why not?
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    28 Aug '09 15:41
    will you kill thousand of people in war, amass huge property and riches, create god dishonouring festivals, a clergy and laity divide so that your practitioners will become lazy fairy cake bakers and P.C evangelists? will you lure youths into your denomination with promises of video games and fruit machines, old ladies with the eternal hope of winning the bingo?
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    28 Aug '09 15:42
    I'm going to start a new denomination as well - the $3 bill.
  9. Subscriberduecer
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    28 Aug '09 15:52
    Originally posted by galveston75
    Poke fun if you must. But let's say your serious for one minute. The fruitage you produce will prove if your right....Ga 5:22-25. Also another clue if you are used by God is at 1Pet 5:9. That's just a couple for the time being. Lets see how it goes...

    PS. I notice you don't use the Bible much at all to prove your points..Why not?
    the bible is old light, as the discreet slave, Jehovah will reveal to me and I to you what the new light is.
  10. Subscriberduecer
    anybody seen my
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    28 Aug '09 15:52
    Originally posted by robbie carrobie
    will you kill thousand of people in war, amass huge property and riches, create god dishonouring festivals, a clergy and laity divide so that your practitioners will become lazy fairy cake bakers and P.C evangelists? will you lure youths into your denomination with promises of video games and fruit machines, old ladies with the eternal hope of winning the bingo?
    not bad for a days work eh?
  11. Joined
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    28 Aug '09 16:15
    Originally posted by duecer
    not bad for a days work eh?
    I'm impressed. But don't forget find a new god because Jehovah still uses this old Bible as of now...
  12. Subscriberduecer
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    28 Aug '09 16:19
    Originally posted by galveston75
    I'm impressed. But don't forget find a new god because Jehovah still uses this old Bible as of now...
    WRONG! He told me otherwise, you must now adhere only to the new light administered through me, continual questioning of church discipline will subject you to shunning.
  13. Subscriberduecer
    anybody seen my
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    28 Aug '09 16:36
    Breaking news, The Great God Jehovah has instructed me to instruct you, to pull your kids out of college...the end is near and education will be useless! If they refuse, then disown them and cut off their finances, the church will gladly make good use of the funds not spent learning heresy at secular schools. (again...no personal checks)
  14. Joined
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    28 Aug '09 16:55
    Originally posted by duecer
    Breaking news, The Great God Jehovah has instructed me to instruct you, to pull your kids out of college...the end is near and education will be useless! If they refuse, then disown them and cut off their finances, the church will gladly make good use of the funds not spent learning heresy at secular schools. (again...no personal checks)
    Keep laughing..We love it. John 17:14.
  15. Subscriberduecer
    anybody seen my
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    28 Aug '09 17:021 edit
    Originally posted by galveston75
    Keep laughing..We love it. John 17:14.
    y...yo...you hate me?:'(

    just for that, when the end comes we're using yer grave for a latrine

    edit:😠
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