Originally posted by duecer It will be called the One True United Church of Jehovah. Any one else who does not join my church and subscribe to the doctrines that I will divulge to them, will have to sleep dormant in the ground for all eternity. Jehovah has chosen me to be his faithful and discreet slave. You say you want proof? That just shows your lack of faith, and I will have to dism ...[text shortened]... me church for your current publications, credit cards are also accepted....no personal checks.
Originally posted by duecer It will be called the One True United Church of Jehovah. Any one else who does not join my church and subscribe to the doctrines that I will divulge to them, will have to sleep dormant in the ground for all eternity. Jehovah has chosen me to be his faithful and discreet slave. You say you want proof? That just shows your lack of faith, and I will have to dism ...[text shortened]... me church for your current publications, credit cards are also accepted....no personal checks.
very entertaining.
can I join?
I promise I'll stop smoking and drinking (because that will somehow make me better than others), and I'll be pleased to wear a little suit, carry a bible and go knock on people's doors to try save their souls.
Originally posted by generalissimo very entertaining.
can I join?
I promise I'll stop smoking and drinking (because that will somehow make me better than others), and I'll be pleased to wear a little suit, carry a bible and go knock on people's doors to try save their souls.
Originally posted by Proper Knob Are thre any virgins invloved?
only for the faithful inner circle of 144,000. we just started so you have a good shot at being one of those. I'll just need a major credit card and some i.d.
Originally posted by generalissimo very entertaining.
can I join?
I promise I'll stop smoking and drinking (because that will somehow make me better than others), and I'll be pleased to wear a little suit, carry a bible and go knock on people's doors to try save their souls.
you don't understand, we don't have to be better than everybody else, we'll just claim we are, and since Jehovah loves us more cuz we go door to door and use his name, we will be better
Originally posted by duecer only for the faithful inner circle of 144,000. we just started so you have a good shot at being one of those. I'll just need a major credit card and some i.d.
I'm in, but as soon as there's no virgins i'm out. It's all about the virgins for me man.
Gather round my children, gather round, for the Lord Jehovah has released new light unto me, so that i may release it unto you.
From now on we will not be celebrating any types of holidays or birthdays, instead Jehovah wants you to take all of your vacation time and work in our salvation factory where we silk screen t-shirts to sell at airports with God's light printed on them. We have run over costs and production is behind, so evryone who hopes to be apart of my... uh I mean Jehovahs governing body needs to pony up.
Let's go people! these t-shirts arent going to silk screen themselves😠Don't you love Jehovah? Well then work harder and prove that your saved and more holy than your neighbor.
Originally posted by duecer It will be called the One True United Church of Jehovah. Any one else who does not join my church and subscribe to the doctrines that I will divulge to them, will have to sleep dormant in the ground for all eternity. Jehovah has chosen me to be his faithful and discreet slave. You say you want proof? That just shows your lack of faith, and I will have to dism ...[text shortened]... me church for your current publications, credit cards are also accepted....no personal checks.
You should move to San Francisco. They start a new religion about every 3 weeks. You'd fit right in!
Originally posted by duecer you don't understand, we don't have to be better than everybody else, we'll just claim we are, and since Jehovah loves us more cuz we go door to door and use his name, we will be better
so its even better than I thought!
btw, I agree with properknob, the virgins are a good idea.
also, you should consider poligamy, after all, why have one virgin if you can have several? 😵
I am starting a new denomination
28 Aug '09 17:31
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