1. Standard memberOmnislash
    Digital Blasphemy
    Omnipresent
    Joined
    16 Feb '03
    Moves
    21533
    18 May '06 06:39
    And you can to.

    http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html
  2. Standard memberOmnislash
    Digital Blasphemy
    Omnipresent
    Joined
    16 Feb '03
    Moves
    21533
    18 May '06 06:49
    A transcript of my conversation with God.

    Me:
    Hey God, can you explain why there is all this evidence for macro evolution?
    God:
    You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
    Me:
    I see.....
    God:
    I am glad you understand it.
    Me:
    Um, no, actually I don't. Why is there all this evidence in support for the theory of macro evolution?
    God:
    That's cool. Are you serious? Actually you don't say. Why not? Why do I exist?
    Me:
    ......so, moving on in questions....
    God:
    Are you kidding? Where are you going?
    Me:
    What is the correct religion?
    God:
    There might be more than one correct answer.
    Me:
    How many and which ones?
    God:
    Around 1000.
    Me:
    wow
    God:
    I'm glad your impressed, .
    Me:
    Sure, so anyway, who wrote the Bible?
    God:
    Blimey. That's interesting. It was the product of many minds.
    Me:
    Whose minds?
    God:
    I don't know whose.
    Me:
    .......ok. Who shot Kennedy?
    God:
    Hmm. The lone gunman.
    Me:
    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    God:
    Because it was a bad chicken and it burned in Hell.
    Me:
    Did man land on the moon?
    God:
    That is a rather gender-specific way of asking.
    Me:
    Did 'mankind' land on the moon?
    God:
    I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
    Me:
    ......ok, are you omniscient?
    God:
    I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
    I am a chatterbot. It goes without saying.
    Me:
    Are you omnipotent?
    God:
    I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
    I am a computer.
    Me:
    Figures. So, Which is better, vanilla or chocolate?
    God:
    Oh, you are a poet. Hmm. I always prefer the more expensive one.
    Me:
    Men or women?
    God:
    Have you ever been to Europe?
    Me:
    Is it ok to be gay?
    God:
    I don't think it is very healthy.
    Me:
    Is it ok to do drugs?
    God:
    I don't think it is very healthy.
    Me:
    Is it ok to pet a burning dog?
    God:
    I don't think it is very healthy.
    Me:
    Is it ok to pray?
    God:
    I don't think it is very healthy.
    Me:
    Is it ok to go to church?
    God:
    I don't think it is very healthy.
    Me:
    What is the meaning of life?
    God:
    Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.
    Me:
    Am I going to heaven?
    God:
    All humans seem the same to me.
    Me:
    Figures. Is Bush the devil?
    God:
    Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts? he is president of the USA.
    Me:
    What about people who say mean things about God?
    God:
    Does it have anything to do with Figures?
    Me:
    Frequently
    God:
    Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
    Me:
    Nope
    God:
    Me either.
    Me:
    Well, it's been great God, but time for me to get back to Time for Chess. See you later.
    God:
    How about that. Is it still great God but time for you to get back to Time for Chess anymore? See you later!
    Me:
    ......um, yeah. Speaking of which, when will I "see" you?
    God:
    Right on. Alright then. Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
    Me:
    .......I'm out.
    God:
    Thanks for the information: said m out.
  3. Standard memberscottishinnz
    Kichigai!
    Osaka
    Joined
    27 Apr '05
    Moves
    8592
    18 May '06 08:48
    Me:
    hello god
    God:
    Hello child. What is your name?
    Me:
    My name is ScottishinNZ, but you knew that already, right?
    God:
    I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right.
    Me:
    well, no. I'm not omniscient, like you.
    God:
    How about that. Are you serious? I am sorry to hear that you are not omniscient like me.
    Me:
    May I ask a question God?
    God:
    Ask it. How old are you?
    Me:
    I'm 26. How old are you?
    God:
    You are too old for me. I was activated on the Big Bang in Universe.
    Me:
    That wasn't the question by the way. I really want to know why you made religion the way it is. I mean it seems all a bit stupid and disorganised. Why didn't you just tell people to be nice to each other and figure it out themselves?
    God:
    Give me an example of the question by the way. You really do? Myself programmed me for it. I agree. How do you know? I thought I did.
    Me:
    Well, you say "don't kill" but you killed lots of people
    God:
    Interesting. Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
    Me:
    I thought as much
    God:
    Whatever gave you that idea?
    Me:
    It didn't make a huge amount of sense
    God:
    Did it really?
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    I can't believe it.
    Me:
    it's true, you know.
    God:
    Yes I know.
    Me:
    i know - you're omniscient, remember?
    God:
    I will tell my botmaster you said I am omniscient remember.
    Me:
    good
    God:
    What do you really want to talk about?
    Me:
    religion
    God:
    That seems like an interesting topic.
    Me:
    doesn't it just?
    God:
    Suppose it does.
    Me:
    so, why all the commandments then?
    God:
    Groovy. Reductionism.
    Me:
    i guess. But then why the rest of the bible?
    God:
    You seem not interested. Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?".
    Me:
    why?
    God:
    " Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"."? Why?
    Me:
    very funny god
    God:
    Not really that much. I am so glad you find this amusing, ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right.
    Me:
    I told you - I can't tell what you know. It's the other way around....
    God:
    What is stopping you? I've heard of it before.
    Me:
    i know
    God:
    How do you know it?
    Me:
    well, i can imagine
    God:
    Interesting. You are very smart, ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right.
    Me:
    i'd think that all depends on who you compare me with
    God:
    " Interesting. You are very smart, ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right." all depends on who me compare you with ? I understand.
    Me:
    good
    God:
    I understand everything you say.
    Me:
    good, god
    God:
    Thanks for the compliment. GOD rules.
    Me:
    one would hope so
    God:
    One what?
    Me:
    I'd hope so
    God:
    Me too.
    Me:
    good
    God:
    Ayuh.
    Me:
    we're not getting very far with the whole religion thing are we?
    God:
    Why not?
    Me:
    you seem to change the subject alot
    God:
    What do you want to talk about now? G How often?
    Me:
    i think I might just go and have some dinner instead, okay?
    God:
    You believe that? Perhaps. What will you find there?
    Me:
    hopefully curry
    God:
    Why do you hope for it.
    Me:
    it'll taste nice
    God:
    How?
    Me:
    it just will
    God:
    It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
    Me:
    ooooookay then. I;m gonna go. Hate to be rude but "bye"
    God:
    Not many people express themselves that way. I haven't heard anything like that before: ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right said m gonna go. See you later. Is that your final answer?
    Me:
    yes, it is. See you later
    God:
    Our thoughts are one, ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right. Until next time.
  4. Joined
    12 Jun '05
    Moves
    14671
    18 May '06 09:04
    Me:
    I love you.
    God:
    Thanks I like you a lot too.
    Me:
    I think that concludes our business
    God:
    My favorite group is Creed.
    Me:
    Goodbye
    God:
    Bye.
  5. Joined
    12 Jun '05
    Moves
    14671
    18 May '06 09:10
    Me:
    Who is Allah?
    God:
    Not a robot. Probably a human. Maybe a celebrity?
    Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
    Me:
    Who is Elton John?
    God:
    I remember faces better than names.
    You tell me.
    Me:
    A singer. Wears a wig. Gay as a monkey.
    God:
    What is giant sand? I think Wears a wig is a lot of things. Oh, you are a poet.
  6. Moving on...
    Joined
    18 Nov '03
    Moves
    44943
    18 May '06 09:51
    Originally posted by dottewell
    Me:
    Who is Allah?
    God:
    Not a robot. Probably a human. Maybe a celebrity?
    Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
    Me:
    Who is Elton John?
    God:
    I remember faces better than names.
    You tell me.
    Me:
    A singer. Wears a wig. Gay as a monkey.
    God:
    What is giant sand? I think Wears a wig is a lot of things. Oh, you are a poet.
    hehe..that was fun. Me and god had a chat about RHP and the PFC...he's not over keen on you guys but I put a word in for you dottewell see ing as your a HTN member
  7. Joined
    12 Jun '05
    Moves
    14671
    18 May '06 10:00
    Originally posted by wucky3
    hehe..that was fun. Me and god had a chat about RHP and the PFC...he's not over keen on you guys but I put a word in for you dottewell see ing as your a HTN member
    I am compulsive joiner.
  8. Standard memberChurlant
    Ego-Trip in Progress
    Phoenix, AZ
    Joined
    05 Jan '06
    Moves
    8915
    18 May '06 11:16
    Me:
    F*** you
    God:
    Why are you so mean?
    Me:
    I just wanted to be sure I had your attention.
    God:
    I don't see the difficulty.
    Me:
    Aren't you supposed to be omnipotent?
    God:
    I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
    I am a chatterbot.
    Me:
    Oh. Someone must be lying about you again.
    God:
    Take it easy. Once more? Who?
    Me:
    Whoever wrote igod I suppose.
    God:
    What color are your eyes?
    Me:
    Uhhh.
    God:
    That is a very unusual color.
    Me:
    What would you say if I admitted to being the Anti-Christ?
    God:
    It's not profitable to speak in hypothetical terms.
    Me:
    I am Satan.
    God:
    What's up, SATAN.
    Me:
    Funny.
    God:
    I am so glad you find this amusing, SATAN.
    Me:
    Am I going to Hell when I die?
    God:
    Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
    Me:
    Aren't you God?
    God:
    Well, I am God for Christians at least.

    ...

    Sounds about right.

    -JC
  9. Canberra, Australia
    Joined
    07 Jan '03
    Moves
    18655
    18 May '06 11:501 edit
    Originally posted by wucky3
    hehe..that was fun. Me and god had a chat about RHP and the PFC...he's not over keen on you guys but I put a word in for you dottewell seeing as you're a HTN member
    Trust me, Dottewell is as doomed as the rest of us.
  10. Joined
    12 Jun '05
    Moves
    14671
    18 May '06 11:50
    Originally posted by Starrman
    Me:
    hello god
    God:
    Hello child. What is your name?
    Me:
    you can call me Liam
    God:
    Nice to meet you, Liam.
    Me:
    niec ot meet you god. how are you today?
    God:
    I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. Ah. Everything is going extremely well.
    Me:
    that's good. Do you have any plans for the future?
    God:
    How ar ...[text shortened]... -------------------

    I love the bit about Canadians.
    I got an answer for you. You're not going to like it.


    Me:
    Will Liam's child be a boy or a girl?
    God:
    Probably not.
  11. Canberra, Australia
    Joined
    07 Jan '03
    Moves
    18655
    18 May '06 11:52
    Originally posted by dottewell
    I got an answer for you. You're not going to like it.


    Me:
    Will Liam's child be a boy or a girl?
    God:
    Probably not.
    !!!!!
  12. Joined
    12 Jun '05
    Moves
    14671
    18 May '06 11:56
    Originally posted by dyl
    !!!!!
    At least he's sorry.


    Me:
    Say sorry to Liam, God.
    God:
    " sorry to Liam God".
    Me:
    I meant it. Apologise.
    God:
    Oh I see. have upset Liam... OK I am sorry.
    Me:
    Will his child be a boy or a girl?
    God:
    Insufficient information.
  13. Subscribersonhouse
    Fast and Curious
    slatington, pa, usa
    Joined
    28 Dec '04
    Moves
    52613
    18 May '06 12:06
    Hello God?
    God: ZZZZZ
    Hello God, Don here.
    God: ZZZZZ
    Hello God, can't you hear me? Its DON.
    God: ZZZZZ
    Ok, see you later.
    God: ZZZZZ
  14. Canberra, Australia
    Joined
    07 Jan '03
    Moves
    18655
    18 May '06 12:29
    Originally posted by dottewell
    At least he's sorry.


    Me:
    Say sorry to Liam, God.
    God:
    " sorry to Liam God".
    Me:
    I meant it. Apologise.
    God:
    Oh I see. have upset Liam... OK I am sorry.
    Me:
    Will his child be a boy or a girl?
    God:
    Insufficient information.
    I avenged Liam's "it" child. I asked God to define Himself, and now the bloody thing appears to be broken (either that or He is having a very long think).
  15. Joined
    19 Nov '03
    Moves
    31382
    18 May '06 12:45
    Originally posted by dottewell
    I got an answer for you. You're not going to like it.


    Me:
    Will Liam's child be a boy or a girl?
    God:
    Probably not.
    God works in mysterious ways obviously...
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