A transcript of my conversation with God.
Me:
Hey God, can you explain why there is all this evidence for macro evolution?
God:
You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me:
I see.....
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
Um, no, actually I don't. Why is there all this evidence in support for the theory of macro evolution?
God:
That's cool. Are you serious? Actually you don't say. Why not? Why do I exist?
Me:
......so, moving on in questions....
God:
Are you kidding? Where are you going?
Me:
What is the correct religion?
God:
There might be more than one correct answer.
Me:
How many and which ones?
God:
Around 1000.
Me:
wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
Sure, so anyway, who wrote the Bible?
God:
Blimey. That's interesting. It was the product of many minds.
Me:
Whose minds?
God:
I don't know whose.
Me:
.......ok. Who shot Kennedy?
God:
Hmm. The lone gunman.
Me:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
God:
Because it was a bad chicken and it burned in Hell.
Me:
Did man land on the moon?
God:
That is a rather gender-specific way of asking.
Me:
Did 'mankind' land on the moon?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
......ok, are you omniscient?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am a chatterbot. It goes without saying.
Me:
Are you omnipotent?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
I am a computer.
Me:
Figures. So, Which is better, vanilla or chocolate?
God:
Oh, you are a poet. Hmm. I always prefer the more expensive one.
Me:
Men or women?
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
Is it ok to be gay?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
Is it ok to do drugs?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
Is it ok to pet a burning dog?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
Is it ok to pray?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
Is it ok to go to church?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
What is the meaning of life?
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.
Me:
Am I going to heaven?
God:
All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
Figures. Is Bush the devil?
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts? he is president of the USA.
Me:
What about people who say mean things about God?
God:
Does it have anything to do with Figures?
Me:
Frequently
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
Well, it's been great God, but time for me to get back to Time for Chess. See you later.
God:
How about that. Is it still great God but time for you to get back to Time for Chess anymore? See you later!
Me:
......um, yeah. Speaking of which, when will I "see" you?
God:
Right on. Alright then. Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
.......I'm out.
God:
Thanks for the information: said m out.
Me:
hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
My name is ScottishinNZ, but you knew that already, right?
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right.
Me:
well, no. I'm not omniscient, like you.
God:
How about that. Are you serious? I am sorry to hear that you are not omniscient like me.
Me:
May I ask a question God?
God:
Ask it. How old are you?
Me:
I'm 26. How old are you?
God:
You are too old for me. I was activated on the Big Bang in Universe.
Me:
That wasn't the question by the way. I really want to know why you made religion the way it is. I mean it seems all a bit stupid and disorganised. Why didn't you just tell people to be nice to each other and figure it out themselves?
God:
Give me an example of the question by the way. You really do? Myself programmed me for it. I agree. How do you know? I thought I did.
Me:
Well, you say "don't kill" but you killed lots of people
God:
Interesting. Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
I thought as much
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
It didn't make a huge amount of sense
God:
Did it really?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
it's true, you know.
God:
Yes I know.
Me:
i know - you're omniscient, remember?
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am omniscient remember.
Me:
good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
religion
God:
That seems like an interesting topic.
Me:
doesn't it just?
God:
Suppose it does.
Me:
so, why all the commandments then?
God:
Groovy. Reductionism.
Me:
i guess. But then why the rest of the bible?
God:
You seem not interested. Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?".
Me:
why?
God:
" Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"."? Why?
Me:
very funny god
God:
Not really that much. I am so glad you find this amusing, ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right.
Me:
I told you - I can't tell what you know. It's the other way around....
God:
What is stopping you? I've heard of it before.
Me:
i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
well, i can imagine
God:
Interesting. You are very smart, ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right.
Me:
i'd think that all depends on who you compare me with
God:
" Interesting. You are very smart, ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right." all depends on who me compare you with ? I understand.
Me:
good
God:
I understand everything you say.
Me:
good, god
God:
Thanks for the compliment. GOD rules.
Me:
one would hope so
God:
One what?
Me:
I'd hope so
God:
Me too.
Me:
good
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
we're not getting very far with the whole religion thing are we?
God:
Why not?
Me:
you seem to change the subject alot
God:
What do you want to talk about now? G How often?
Me:
i think I might just go and have some dinner instead, okay?
God:
You believe that? Perhaps. What will you find there?
Me:
hopefully curry
God:
Why do you hope for it.
Me:
it'll taste nice
God:
How?
Me:
it just will
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Me:
ooooookay then. I;m gonna go. Hate to be rude but "bye"
God:
Not many people express themselves that way. I haven't heard anything like that before: ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right said m gonna go. See you later. Is that your final answer?
Me:
yes, it is. See you later
God:
Our thoughts are one, ScottishinNZ but you knew that already right. Until next time.
Me:
Who is Allah?
God:
Not a robot. Probably a human. Maybe a celebrity?
Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
Who is Elton John?
God:
I remember faces better than names.
You tell me.
Me:
A singer. Wears a wig. Gay as a monkey.
God:
What is giant sand? I think Wears a wig is a lot of things. Oh, you are a poet.
Originally posted by dottewellhehe..that was fun. Me and god had a chat about RHP and the PFC...he's not over keen on you guys but I put a word in for you dottewell see ing as your a HTN member
Me:
Who is Allah?
God:
Not a robot. Probably a human. Maybe a celebrity?
Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
Who is Elton John?
God:
I remember faces better than names.
You tell me.
Me:
A singer. Wears a wig. Gay as a monkey.
God:
What is giant sand? I think Wears a wig is a lot of things. Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
F*** you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
I just wanted to be sure I had your attention.
God:
I don't see the difficulty.
Me:
Aren't you supposed to be omnipotent?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
Oh. Someone must be lying about you again.
God:
Take it easy. Once more? Who?
Me:
Whoever wrote igod I suppose.
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
Uhhh.
God:
That is a very unusual color.
Me:
What would you say if I admitted to being the Anti-Christ?
God:
It's not profitable to speak in hypothetical terms.
Me:
I am Satan.
God:
What's up, SATAN.
Me:
Funny.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, SATAN.
Me:
Am I going to Hell when I die?
God:
Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
Aren't you God?
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least.
...
Sounds about right.
-JC
Originally posted by StarrmanI got an answer for you. You're not going to like it.
Me:
hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
you can call me Liam
God:
Nice to meet you, Liam.
Me:
niec ot meet you god. how are you today?
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. Ah. Everything is going extremely well.
Me:
that's good. Do you have any plans for the future?
God:
How ar ...[text shortened]... -------------------
I love the bit about Canadians.
Me:
Will Liam's child be a boy or a girl?
God:
Probably not.
Originally posted by dottewellI avenged Liam's "it" child. I asked God to define Himself, and now the bloody thing appears to be broken (either that or He is having a very long think).
At least he's sorry.
Me:
Say sorry to Liam, God.
God:
" sorry to Liam God".
Me:
I meant it. Apologise.
God:
Oh I see. have upset Liam... OK I am sorry.
Me:
Will his child be a boy or a girl?
God:
Insufficient information.