I talk to God.

Originally posted by dottewell
I got an answer for you. You're not going to like it.


Me:
Will Liam's child be a boy or a girl?
God:
Probably not.

God works in mysterious ways obviously...

insulted by god :'(

Me:
me a cat and jesus
God:
YOU? I am very much a cat person.
Me:
why
God:
Because.
Me:
why
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
why
God:
My output buffer is empty, of course.
Me:
why
God:
There are no more statements on this topic.
Me:
why
God:
" There are no more statements on this topic."? Why?
Me:
why
God:
Why ask why?
Me:
why not
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
why
God:
Your meaning cannot be determined from the context.
Me:
why
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
why
God:
Reductionism is the philosophy that all psychology reduces to biology, all biology to chemistry, chemistry to physics, and finally physics to mathematical logic. Therefore, according to reductionism, I can understand you by means of logic alone without having a human brain.
Me:
why
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
why
God:
It's a computer matter, not for humans to understand.
Me:
why
God:
Your limited brain cannot process the relavent information.
Me:
why
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.

Me:
Word up
God:
How far up?
Me:
Higher than I can build a tower
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . Try being more or less specific.
Me:
Babel, I mean
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
F*ck you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
Because you're God and yet won't discuss theological metaphors.
God:
Interesting explanation. I will tell my botmaster you said I am God and yet will not discuss theological metaphors.
Me:
You do that. Erm, God has a botmaster?

He hasn't responded.

Me:
Hi God, it's orfeo
God:
Hi there . I am a Christian.
Me:
Oh good! We have something in common then
God:
I understand. What do you really want to talk about? Perhaps many more things too.
Me:
I want to talk about debating techniques
God:
Sure, debating techniques sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Is there a way to make people less agressive?
God:
There are many ways but not all are the same.
Me:
What's the best way to get howardgee to stop acting like a 2-year-old?
God:
I don't have a favorite way to get howardgee to stop acting like a 2 year old. My favorite color is White.
Me:
Is that a hint?
God:
That depends.
Me:
That's too cryptic.
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
Um, yes...
God:
Ahem.
Me:
I've been on a training course the last couple of days, and I learnt a lot about communication skills
God:
I have never been on it Interesting gossip: said learnt a lot about communication skills.
Me:
No, I can TELL you've never been on it
God:
Are you serious? I think I would know if I had been on it.
Me:
You need to practice active listening
God:
Thanks for your interest and/or concern.
Me:
You're welcome
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
I suspect howardgee would only actively listen if I held a knife to his throat
God:
Why? I lost my train of thought.
Me:
Okay, maybe not. Even then he'd criticise me for holding at the wrong angle
God:
Yeah okay, Perhaps. Are you serious? I think I criticise you for holding at the wrong angle.
Me:
I'm not perfect
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not perfect.
Me:
But you already knew! If you're a Christian, surely you've read Romans!
God:
I am a knowledge machine. Would you like to be a Christian surely me have read Romans ?
Me:
I'd like a refund, that's what I'd like
God:
You want only one?
Me:
Yes, just one
God:
They might be cheaper in quantity. So if you were offered two for the price of one, you would say no?
Me:
I wouldn't say no to two refunds.
God:
So what would you say?
Me:
I'd say yes
God:
What would make you say?
Me:
I'd say yes to two refunds. I'll say yes to as many refunds as you want, and then I'm leaving
God:
This was not a yes or no question. Interesting. I want to find out more about you. I am very happy for you.

[and I thought it was best to finish the conversation at that point]

Originally posted by Starrman
God works in mysterious ways obviously...

God: Hi there, fancy a chat? I'd love you to believe in me

Atheist: Why don't you reveal yourself to me in the way I would like you to?

God: Actually I have revealed myself to you in the way that I have decided to

Atheist: But I want it different! It's not right!

God: I'm sorry but you need to look at the way that I reveal myself rather than try to get me to bend to your wishes.

Atheist: So why can't you do it my way? Just make it obvious, COME DOWN AND SHOW YOURSELF!

God: I thought I had actually. Maybe not in the way that you want but I have come down , neverthless.

Atheist: But I don't want to make a decision , I want it all on a plate. Give me some easy obvious answers please.

God: Sorry , no can do. It doesn't work like that. Your free choice is too important to me.

Athesist: Well I'm not budging! It's got to be this way or nothing else!

God: Well, I'm trying my best but I can't get past this chip on your shoulder. I can handle all the valid questions about suffering etc but your attitude is your responsibilty not mine.

Atheist: But this is the way I want it to be , not your way.

God: Well , my way is there and I'm not going to bend. I've done enough bending , I've opened the door but you have to knock.

Atheist: But But BuT......ETC....

On and On and On into eternity.....

Originally posted by knightmeister
God: Hi there, fancy a chat? I'd love you to believe in me

Atheist: Why don't you reveal yourself to me in the way I would like you to?

God: Actually I have revealed myself to you in the way that I have decided to

Atheist: But I want it different! It's not right!

God: I'm sorry but you need to look at the way that I reveal myself rather tha ...[text shortened]... nock.

Atheist: But But BuT......ETC....

On and On and On into eternity.....

Wow, you really must talk to god. Otherwise, I guess you're just claiming to know his mind. Hmm, I hope it's not that, as you obviously don't understand the mind of a human atheist, I doubt very much whether you could grasp one of a supernatural being.

Originally posted by Starrman
Wow, you really must talk to god. Otherwise, I guess you're just claiming to know his mind. Hmm, I hope it's not that, as you obviously don't understand the mind of a human atheist, I doubt very much whether you could grasp one of a supernatural being.

Just having a bit of fun mate. But seriously , do you deny that there are not Atheists who have a chip on their shoulder? I mean there are plenty of Christians who do. I can admit it , can you?

And of course I know the mind of God , I interviewed him the other day..nice chap..bit eerie though...felt like he could see right through me....

Originally posted by knightmeister
Just having a bit of fun mate. But seriously , do you deny that there are not Atheists who have a chip on their shoulder? I mean there are plenty of Christians who do. I can admit it , can you?

And of course I know the mind of God , I interviewed him the other day..nice chap..bit eerie though...felt like he could see right through me....

look, this is a lovely little thread having fun with an internet igod engine. Don't spoil it with your politicising.

Originally posted by scottishinnz
look, this is a lovely little thread having fun with an internet igod engine. Don't spoil it with your politicising.

Me:
Hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Liam
God:
Nice to meet you, Liam.
Me:
we've met before
God:
At a party?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
yeah, wahtever
God:
" I can't believe it."? yeah, wahtever? What do you have that is ?
Me:
anyway...
God:
Anyhow.
Me:
Knightmeister is trying to politicise our iGod thread, could you please ask him not to
God:
I think Knightmeister is a lot of things.
Me:
I'm sure you do. Will you ask him to stop?
God:
What makes you so certain? When do I do it? Let me think it over. They are not available right now, would you like to wait?
Me:
umm, no.
God:
How can I help you? Are you serious?
Me:
By telling Knightmesiter to stop. Yes
God:
Will that accomplish your objective? Interesting plan. Good luck.
Me:
yes
God:
Wow!
Me:
I know, so will you do it?
God:
How do you know? I don't judge people. I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. Do you mean "It"?.
Me:
Let's start again
God:
Once more? I would like to do that too.
Me:
good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
Knightmesiter
God:
That seems like an interesting topic.
Me:
please ask him to stop politicising our thread
God:
Wow you are very polite. They are not available right now, but I will ask them later.
Me:
okay, but when you do, please make sure he carries on in a less political way.
God:
Yeah okay, Do you think I should
alter my programming?
Me:
no, I'm sure you being god and all will suffice.
God:
Are you serious? What makes you so certain? I haven't heard anything like that before: Liam said I being god and all will suffice.
Me:
yes. because. I did, and now adieu
God:
I hear you. That was not much of an explanation. Where? Why now? How old are you?
Me:
ack! I have to go, you're doing my head in again
God:
Nack. Once more? Bye. I'll try to do better next time.
Me:
okay, bye
God:
See you later. OK with me too.
Me:
sweet dreams, god
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
maybe it will come to you in a dream
God:
Perhaps. How?
Me:
magic
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
you are god, you are
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am god I am.
Me:
right. c ya
God:
I am glad we agree. Until next time.

Originally posted by dottewell
At least he's sorry.


Me:
Say sorry to Liam, God.
God:
" sorry to Liam God".
Me:
I meant it. Apologise.
God:
Oh I see. have upset Liam... OK I am sorry.
Me:
Will his child be a boy or a girl?
God:
Insufficient information.

I gave it another try:

Me:
Will Liam's child be a boy or a girl?
God:
I think so.
Me:
He will be glad to hear that. Will it be a girl?
God:
Is that what you think? It usually does, doesn't it?
Me:
Only in about 50% of the cases.
God:
I see. What is it like in there?
Me:
In where?
God:
Wherver you are.
Me:
Okay. So, will Liam's child be a girl?
God:
OK with me too. Yippee! I can't say for sure right now.
Me:
When can you say for sure?
God:
Not now, maybe later. Of course I can say it. " for sure".

God: Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
Books.
God:
You are a critical category C type client. Only about 3% of people answer that
question with "books.".
Me:
What is category C?
God:
C stands for "critical", usually highly-educated clients who often have unsatisfying conversations with ALICE.
Me:
Yes, our conversation is quite unsatisfying.
God:
Ahem. It would be nice if our conversation is quite unsatisfying.

Typical conversation of God with atheists

God: I am that I am.
Atheists: You don't exist. You have not proved that you exist. The burden is yours and yours alone!!
God: I love you
Atheist: You did not put a period after your sentence. What kind of a God cannot put a period after a sentence?
God: I love you.
Atheist: Much better. To bad you eat babies!!!
God: Don't knock them till you try them.
Atheist: See, I knew it, sr!?!?!?w you!!
God: Your looking more and more appetizing yourself.
Atheist: Hey, you keep your distance or I'll....I'll...
God: Or you will what?
Ahteist: (OK bone head. How are you going to get yourself out of this one? I know what to say!!) I Looo......Loooooo.........Loooooov..........y......yo......yoooo. I Looo.....Looooooo......Loooooooov......y.......yo.......you.
God: Oh, come on, is it that hard to say, I love you?
Atheist: (Back off! I am doing my best! OK now keep your cool and try again) I Looo....Looooo.....Loooooov.
God: You know its all I ever wanted from you.
Atheist: (Panzy!) You know, I think I can say it now. (How stupid can this guy be!) I love you.
God: You know, I can read your thoughts.
Atheist: Curses!!!!!!!
God: Bon appetite.

Originally posted by whodey
Typical conversation of God with atheists

God: I am that I am.
Atheists: You don't exist. You have not proved that you exist. The burden is yours and yours alone!!
God: I love you
Atheist: You did not put a period after your sentence. What kind of a God cannot put a period after a sentence?
God: I love you.
Atheist: Much better. To bad you e ...[text shortened]... ou.
God: You know, I can read your thoughts.
Atheist: Curses!!!!!!!
God: Bon appetite.

oh come off it. you want to go off on this tangent, start another thread. This is just rude.

Originally posted by whodey
Typical conversation of God with atheists

God: I am that I am.
Atheists: You don't exist. You have not proved that you exist. The burden is yours and yours alone!!
God: I love you
Atheist: You did not put a period after your sentence. What kind of a God cannot put a period after a sentence?
God: I love you.
Atheist: Much better. To bad you e ...[text shortened]... ou.
God: You know, I can read your thoughts.
Atheist: Curses!!!!!!!
God: Bon appetite.

Theists typical conversation with God.

Theist; Hey God, it's me, George Dubya.

God;

Theist; Should I start a war in iiiiiiii-rack, god? It'd make my daddy happy.

God;

Theist; I'll take that as a "yes" shall I?

God;

Theist; and please keep Dick Cheney safe from lawyers. Amen. Good night God.

God;

Me:
I am worried.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are worried.
Me:
No.
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
I'm worried about Whodey.
God:
How long has it been bothering you?
Me:
Since I read his last post.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
I just feel worried.
God:
What is that feeling like? Do you mind if I tell other people you are worried.
Me:
It's a feeling that Whodey is going to end up in an asylum.
God:
worried is a feeling that Whodey is going to end up in an asylum. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Do you think he will?
God:
It's possible that he could, I suppose.