It’s quite funny how I actually stumbled upon this little truth, let me share with you.
I was thinking about all the born-again, 7th day Adventist, right-wing, pro-life, anti-abortion, anti-catholic Christians who frequent this site and their constant drive to save more souls.
Sometimes, it’s like they’re specifically calling out to me: “Shavixmir…join us….save your soul, accept Jesus, he is your saviour….Shavi….”
It could be the drugs, but I doubt it.
And as the Christians call out to me to love Jesus because he is the greatest entity since sliced white bread with peanut butter and chocolate flakes, I sit on my side of the monitor, shaking my head and thinking: WAIT A BLOODY MINUTE…
Say I did accept Jesus as my one true saviour. What then?
Now, for arguments sake let’s imagine there’s a God, a heaven and eternal residence.
If I accepted Jesus as my one true saviour and greatest invention since bubbles in beer, then I’ll end up in Heaven. With the Christian, born-again, right-wing community! Won’t I?
Now, I’ve been through a lot in my life, but an ETERNITY is a god-awful long time to spend with anybody.
So, I was thinking, say I accept Jesus as the one true saviour and best tasting human being since…well, I’m not at liberty to say…and I have to spend eternity with the Christian pro-life, anti-abortion community…
And my brain clogged up.
How’s that for weird?
My brain ground to a standstill and I was sat with a glass of diet coke in my hand and was rigid for nearly 40 seconds. Hell, the anti-euthanasia people were already gathering outside my bloody window.
I DON’T WANT TO BE STUCK WITH THEM FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!!!
Eternity is a very, very, VERY long time!
Imagine having to listen to them yap on about how great Jesus is…eternally? I frequent this forum 1x a day for 5 minutes and I usually end up banging my head off the wall in frustration, never mind hours upon hours upon hours upon hours upon hours upon hours…etc. etc. of it?
Imagine having to suffer pro-life propaganda for the rest of eternity?
Wouldn’t it do your head in? Wouldn’t you end up in a holy straight-jacket shouting: “I’M BLOODY DEAD…HOW BLOODY PRO-LIFE IS THIS GOD???”
Imagine having to sit amongst all the poor aborted foetuses? I’m sure they all go to heaven. What do you say to a foetus? “Hi, I’m Shavixmir, what’s your name? Anyways, have you seen the film Alien yet?”
See. This eternal heaven thing doesn’t sound all that good to me. In fact, I’ll go as far and say that if all these pro-life, anti-abortionist, Bush voting Christians are up there…well…I’d rather go down!
Right, so anyways, I was thinking about poor Jesus.
He’s stuck up in heaven and he’s basically stuck up there eternally. Now, if all these Jesus lovin’ Christians go up there and are constantly praising him he’s got two options:
The first being that he enjoys the attention. That’s idleness. And that’s one of the 7 sins. God would be forced to kick him out of heaven…and send him to hell!
The second option would be that he would be really, really sick of all the sycophantic, arse-licking these Christians are up to…and he’d draw the same conclusion as me. He’d leave on his own accord!
And so, I am pretty much sure that Jesus is no longer in Heaven, but has in fact taken up residency in Hell.
How wrong could I be?