Joke

An atheist and a theist are shipwrecked and wash up together on a desert island.

The theist immediately sinks to his knees and starts to pray.

Meanwhile the atheist explores, discovers a freshwater stream to drink, finds some coconuts to eat, builds a shelter, gathers some firewood and even manages to catch a fish.

That night over a shared supper the theist says, “You see! God has provided for us.”

@vivify said
An atheist and a theist are shipwrecked and wash up together on a desert island.

The theist immediately sinks to his knees and starts to pray.

Meanwhile the atheist explores, discovers a freshwater stream to drink, finds some coconuts to eat, builds a shelter, gathers some firewood and even manages to catch a fish.

That night over a shared supper the theist says, “You see! God has provided for us.”

@vivify said
An atheist and a theist are shipwrecked and wash up together on a desert island.

The theist immediately sinks to his knees and starts to pray.

Meanwhile the atheist explores, discovers a freshwater stream to drink, finds some coconuts to eat, builds a shelter, gathers some firewood and even manages to catch a fish.

That night over a shared supper the theist says, “You see! God has provided for us.”

@vivify said
An atheist and a theist are shipwrecked and wash up together on a desert island.

The theist immediately sinks to his knees and starts to pray.

Meanwhile the atheist explores, discovers a freshwater stream to drink, finds some coconuts to eat, builds a shelter, gathers some firewood and even manages to catch a fish.

That night over a shared supper the theist says, “You see! God has provided for us.”

A theist stumbles and falls overboard while on a cruise ship on the Thames. No one on board notices and the cruise ship sails on without him. He cries out "Lord! Save me!" Presently, a tugboat pulls up near him and a sailor sees him thrashing in the water. The sailor on the tug boat shouts to him, "Do you need help?" "No," the theist shouts, "The Lord will save me!" Presently, a harbour dolphin swims by and tarries so close that the man could easily grab onto to a fin and be towed, but instead he cries "Lord, save me!" Presently, an empty kayak drifts by and he could easily climb in and paddle to safety, but instead he cries out again, "Lord, save me!" Then the man drowns. Arrived in hell, the theist reproves the angels saying, "I cried out for the Lord to save me, but he let me drown." The angel answers: "He sent you a tug boat, a dolphin, and a kayak. You didn't take either one. And so, here you are, o ye of little faith."

@rajk999 said
The atheist is the Good Samaritan and Jesus will reward him accordingly. The theist is a mouth worshipper and will reap whatever he sows. God is not mocked. Whatever a man sows so shall he reap.

@moonbus said
A theist stumbles and falls overboard while on a cruise ship on the Thames. No one on board notices and the cruise ship sails on without him. He cries out "Lord! Save me!" Presently, a tugboat pulls up near him and a sailor sees him thrashing in the water. The sailor on the tug boat shouts to him, "Do you need help?" "No," the theist shouts, "The Lord will save me!" Presently ...[text shortened]... at, a dolphin, and a kayak. You didn't take either one. And so, here you are, o ye of little faith."

@rajk999 said
Thats a good one. That guy sounds like these Christians that boast of having a personal, intimate relationship with God / Christ and that they talk to God all the time.

An African missionary is running from a Lion. He falls and sprains an ankle; there is no chance of escape.

Thinking quickly, he asks God, "Lord, please make this Lion a Christian!"

The Lion pauses, as if struck dumb. Then, she snaps out of it, folds her paws together, and says, "Lord, please bless this meal I am about to receive..."

@moonbus said
A theist stumbles and falls overboard while on a cruise ship on the Thames. No one on board notices and the cruise ship sails on without him. He cries out "Lord! Save me!" Presently, a tugboat pulls up near him and a sailor sees him thrashing in the water. The sailor on the tug boat shouts to him, "Do you need help?" "No," the theist shouts, "The Lord will save me!" Presently ...[text shortened]... at, a dolphin, and a kayak. You didn't take either one. And so, here you are, o ye of little faith."

@bigdogg said
An African missionary is running from a Lion. He falls and sprains an ankle; there is no chance of escape.

Thinking quickly, he asks God, "Lord, please make this Lion a Christian!"

The Lion pauses, as if struck dumb. Then, she snaps out of it, folds her paws together, and says, "Lord, please bless this meal I am about to receive..."

The will of the Lord is nigh impossible to ascertain.
Especially when he doesn't exist.... Dada😂

An atheist dies and goes to heaven. He is greeted at the gates by an angel.

Angel: Hello, you just died. Do not be afraid. Welcome to heaven.

Atheist: [surprised] What? But, I'm an atheist. I thought this place didn't exist.

Angel: Of course it exists, You're here, aren't you?

Atheist: Evidently.

Angel: Would you like to have a look around?

Atheist: Um, I guess so.

Angel: Come along then. You'll meet some old friends, old souls from past lives.

Atheist: What? past lives? I thought that was just a superstition.

Another angel approaches and speaks: Fred! it's great to see you! Welcome to heaven. Glad you could make it.

Atheist: [dawning recognition] Jean-Francois? I, .. I remember now. French Revolution, we died at the Bastille. Hey, this is amazing!

Other angels approach and greet Fred, the atheist. He recognizes them all.

Atheist, to first angel: Say, I remember a lot now. Some of these people were atheists then, too. How is this possible?

Angel: Atheist, theist, agnostic, Buddhist, Hindu, Mohammedan, Shinto, Native American Indian, Anabaptist, no matter. Everyone gets here eventually. It just takes some souls more than one lifetime, that's all.

They keep moving about, greeting other old souls. Presently they come to a great barrier, higher than the eye can see. There is no aperture, door, or window. It is impenetrable.

Atheist: What's this?

Angel: Ah, that, The Great Barrier.

Atheist: Why? What's on the other side?

Angel: That's where the Catholics live. They think there's no one else here.

@vivify


Better one.

An atheist and a theist land on a desert island.
What washes ashore is a large chest with all kinds of food including seeds to plant and grow AND a menu on what the food and contents of the chest are.


The theist eats and avoids starvation.
The atheist spends his last days re-reading, re-studying, re-examining, re-re-scrutinizing the menu and arguing about it. But he doesn't ever take a BITE of the food. He never EATS what has been discribed.