1. Subscriberdivegeester
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    DarkSide of the Loom
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    13 Mar '18 14:45
    The first computer can be dated back to Adam & Eve.

    It was of course, an Apple. But it had a limited memory of just 1 Bite.

    First time it was used everything crashed.
  2. Joined
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    13 Mar '18 15:03
    Originally posted by @divegeester
    The first computer can be dated back to Adam & Eve.

    It was of course, an Apple. But it had a limited memory of just 1 Bite.

    First time it was used everything crashed.
    Good one. ๐Ÿ™‚
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    13 Mar '18 15:08
    What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

    Ruth-less.
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    13 Mar '18 19:57
    Originally posted by @divegeester
    The first computer can be dated back to Adam & Eve.

    It was of course, an Apple. But it had a limited memory of just 1 Bite.

    First time it was used everything crashed.
    Good one, tiger!
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    13 Mar '18 19:57
    Originally posted by @dj2becker
    What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

    Ruth-less.
    That’s another good one.
  6. Standard memberkaroly aczel
    The Axe man
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    13 Mar '18 20:50
    How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?



    None. Jesus will do it for them๐Ÿ˜›
  7. Standard memberkaroly aczel
    The Axe man
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    14 Mar '18 00:45
    Bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a ... er... ummm..hmm...I'll have a beer "


    Bartender says "why the big pause? "
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    14 Mar '18 01:042 edits
    You might be a fundamentalist atheist if:

    1. Your only knowledge of the Bible comes from verses with the words, "smite", "bowels", and "touching", and "hell fire" in them.

    2. When someone says God bless you when you sneeze you make them take it back.

    3. You reject religion cuz it's not logical but then spend all your time chasing after women.

    4. You call the atheistic view held by a small percentage of the population "common sense".

    5. You believe that the American Founders who framed the Constitution were deists and not Christians so we should not conclude US heritage is based in Christianity. However, that changes when the conversation shifts to owning slaves. Then all of a sudden they are Bible beating fundamentalists.

    6. You use a small "g" when typing the word "God" but use capital letters when typing names of Roman and Greek gods and you always capitalize the word "satan".

    7. You think that marriage is an outdated and obsolete institution........except when it comes to gays.

    8. You think that God was cruel for killing all of those babies in the Great Flood but then turn around and say that Christians are cruel for opposing a woman's right to kill her unborn child.

    9. You believe that extra drippy ice cream is logical proof against the existence of God because an omniscient God would know how to stop ice cream from being extra drippy. Moreover, an omnipotent God would also have the ability to stop ice cream from being extra drippy, and by golly, an omnibenevolent God would not want your ice cream to be extra drippy.

    10. You spend the majority of your nights trying to scratch out the words, "In God we Trust" off all your money, or at least replace the capitalized "G" with a small "g".
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    14 Mar '18 01:38
    Originally posted by @karoly-aczel
    Bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a ... er... ummm..hmm...I'll have a beer "


    Bartender says "why the big pause? "
    Ba da boom!
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    14 Mar '18 01:41
    Originally posted by @whodey
    You might be a fundamentalist atheist if:

    1. Your only knowledge of the Bible comes from verses with the words, "smite", "bowels", and "touching", and "hell fire" in them.

    2. When someone says God bless you when you sneeze you make them take it back.

    3. You reject religion cuz it's not logical but then spend all your time chasing after women.

    ...[text shortened]... "In God we Trust" off all your money, or at least replace the capitalized "G" with a small "g".
    Bravo. Well done!

    If I may add another:

    11. You spend a vast amount of your time trolling Christians on the Internet for believing in Someone you think doesn’t exist.
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    14 Mar '18 01:431 edit
    An atheist dies and is surprised to see himself standing outside the gates of heaven.

    St. Peter: "Sorry, only believers are allowed"

    Atheist: "But two weeks before I died I gave $100 to Christian Aid"

    St. Peter: "Ok, wait here, I'll have to have a word with the boss"

    St. Peter returns a few minutes later.

    St. Peter: "Here is your $100 back, now hit the road!"
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    14 Mar '18 01:56
    So this student was in science class in public school as she was learning about whales. The teacher began to talk about the eating habits of whales. The student raised her hand and said, "Jonah in the Bible had been swallowed by a whale". Annoyed, the teacher smirked at the child and said, "Well first of all, the Bible has no business being cited in a science class. Second of all, I can assure you, that never happened. A whales mouth and throat are far too small to accommodate the size of a man".

    The child then sank back into her chair as a small tear began to run down her face. She then remained silent the rest of class and thought for a while. But at the end of the class she inexplicably she raised her hand once again. The teacher called upon her sensing she was ready to move in for the kill. The girl said, "Well the Bible says that Jonah was swallowed by a whale, and the Bible is true, so it must be true. When I get to heaven I will ask him about it". With an evil smirk the teacher retorted, "Assuming the Bible is true, what makes you so sure you will talk to Jonah when you get to heaven? Maybe Jonah went to hell", to which the child replied, "Ok........in that case, you can ask him about it".
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    14 Mar '18 02:11
    Originally posted by @whodey
    So this student was in science class in public school as she was learning about whales. The teacher began to talk about the eating habits of whales. The student raised her hand and said, "Jonah in the Bible had been swallowed by a whale". Annoyed, the teacher smirked at the child and said, "Well first of all, the Bible has no business being cited in a scien ...[text shortened]... h went to hell", to which the child replied, "Ok........in that case, you can ask him about it".
    Nice lol.

    Not sure the Bible says “whale.” Think it says “great fish” or something like that, but I know that’s irrelevant to the joke. Just thought I’d mention it.
  14. SubscriberSuzianne
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    14 Mar '18 02:21
    Originally posted by @whodey
    You might be a fundamentalist atheist if:

    1. Your only knowledge of the Bible comes from verses with the words, "smite", "bowels", and "touching", and "hell fire" in them.

    2. When someone says God bless you when you sneeze you make them take it back.

    3. You reject religion cuz it's not logical but then spend all your time chasing after women.

    ...[text shortened]... "In God we Trust" off all your money, or at least replace the capitalized "G" with a small "g".
    Missing the point again?

    The thread title is "Light relief".

    Your post is neither.
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    14 Mar '18 04:32
    Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

    Samson. He brought the house down.
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