1. Standard memberscottishinnz
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    03 Mar '07 01:461 edit
    Quick Guide to God

    God is love, and watches over each and every human being on Earth to make sure he or she has a happy, successful life. This is kind of strange though, since the central doctrine of Christianity is that all humans must live a life dominated by guilt and fear and that they must pray forgiveness from God every day from creating them. Unfortunately, God's Earth-shattering powers of supreme might are easily thwarted by people not believing in Him, so He cannot make some people happy. He is best known for creating the universe, forgiving our sins, and deciding who wins the Super Bowl.

    God has been known to use his Earth-shattering powers of supreme might in the past, in huge demonstrations of how much He loves each and every person. Some examples are documented carefully in the Bible. Examples include: Flooding the world, burning cities to the ground, and causing plagues, famine, and swarms of locusts to attack people.

    In one of the earliest documented cases of Multiple Personality Disorder, God, although one single entity, is actually three different things at the same time. God is composed of The Father, The Holy Spirit, and The Son- or Jesus-. God was not always composed of Jesus however, He just decided one day to include Him, then send Him down to Earth to get around His own "wages of sin = death" rule, because God of course is not capable of breaking His OWN RULES, is he?

    God likes people to worship and sing to Him. The best way to worship God is to pray for stuff you want. Asking for a new car, a new house, or for your ex-boyfriend to die are completely acceptable things to pray for. God hears all prayers and does His best to fulfill all of them; a bit like Santa at Christmas, just all year around, every day all day.

    Because God is pure love, anybody, even good people, who don't believe in Him are forced into eternal suffering in Hell. However, evil selfish people can believe in God and get into Heaven because God loves them. God loves everybody equally, He even loves the people He has condemned to burn forever.

    For more in-depth discussion of this subject, consult the Bible, which is the definitive authority on all things religious, as it was written by God Himself and directly given to us mere humans to treasure forever. Every word of it is literally true, without exception. He even translated the Bible for everybody in later years.

    Note carefully that no human can ever know God's will. Except the Pope, because he has a mind-bogglingly cool hat. And a stick.


    http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/God
  2. Joined
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    03 Mar '07 02:19
    Originally posted by scottishinnz
    [b]Quick Guide to God

    God is love, and watches over each and every human being on Earth to make sure he or she has a happy, successful life. This is kind of strange though, since the central doctrine of Christianity is that all humans must live a life dominated by guilt and fear and that they must pray forgiveness from God every day from creating ...[text shortened]... cause he has a mind-bogglingly cool hat. And a stick.


    http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/God[/b]
    God is dead.
  3. SubscriberAThousandYoung
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    03 Mar '07 02:42
    Originally posted by GinoJ
    God is dead.
    Yep. Crucified in ~30 AD if I remember correctly.
  4. Joined
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    03 Mar '07 15:47
    Originally posted by scottishinnz
    [b]Quick Guide to God

    God is love, and watches over each and every human being on Earth to make sure he or she has a happy, successful life.
    This may be the goal of love, however, love must have the oppurtunity to choose to love back. Without free will love does not exist. This is where your arguement falls apart.
  5. Standard memberKellyJay
    Walk your Faith
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    03 Mar '07 16:25
    Originally posted by scottishinnz
    [b]Quick Guide to God

    God is love, and watches over each and every human being on Earth to make sure he or she has a happy, successful life. This is kind of strange though, since the central doctrine of Christianity is that all humans must live a life dominated by guilt and fear and that they must pray forgiveness from God every day from creating ...[text shortened]... cause he has a mind-bogglingly cool hat. And a stick.


    http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/God[/b]
    Where do you get your information that God's goal is to make sure every human is happy and successful?

    Christianity is about truth, the issue with man is that man has plenty to feel guilty and fear about, since man does quite a few evil things to man, man ignores God or trys to use God as his own personal genie to be happy and successful with, instead of putting himself in the proper place before man's creator.

    God is not thwarted by anything people do, He does allow man to act out of man's own desires, with give man plenty to feel guilty and fearful about before a Holy God, but the day of reconning is coming, it isn't here yet. So we are free to follow God or not, our call at this time and we will live and die with the choices we make, all of them.

    God doesn't always wink at sin, sometime it gets dealt with here, other times because of the natural flow of universe bad things happen. I do not know why many of the things occur you brought up but they do, they also happen to good and the bad, it is the universe we live in.

    The rest you just don't have a clue, but are not above talking about the subject anyway, much like when you accuse me of doing that too. 🙂
    Kelly
  6. Standard memberUmbrageOfSnow
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    03 Mar '07 16:441 edit
    Originally posted by scottishinnz
    [b]Quick Guide to God

    God is love, and watches over each and every human being on Earth to make sure he or she has a happy, successful life. This is kind of strange though, since the central doctrine of Christianity is that all humans must live a life dominated by guilt and fear and that they must pray forgiveness from God every day from creating cause he has a mind-bogglingly cool hat. And a stick.


    http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/God[/b]
    Wow Louis,
    4 other people already posted, 2 even argued with you, and I get the feeling I am the first person to have actually read beyond the first line of your post. I thought it was absolutely hilarious. Good job.
  7. Joined
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    03 Mar '07 17:37
    Originally posted by scottishinnz
    [b]Quick Guide to God

    God is love, and watches over each and every human being on Earth to make sure he or she has a happy, successful life. This is kind of strange though, since the central doctrine of Christianity is that all humans must live a life dominated by guilt and fear and that they must pray forgiveness from God every day from creating ...[text shortened]... cause he has a mind-bogglingly cool hat. And a stick.


    http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/God[/b]
    Don't take this personally, but you sound very cynical.

    I would like to focus on one thing you said. You said, ..."the central doctrine of christianity is that all humans must live a life dominated by guilt and fear"... I wonder where you got that idea! Nothing could be further from the truth.
  8. Standard memberknightmeister
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    03 Mar '07 17:43
    Originally posted by scottishinnz
    [b]Quick Guide to God

    God is love, and watches over each and every human being on Earth to make sure he or she has a happy, successful life. This is kind of strange though, since the central doctrine of Christianity is that all humans must live a life dominated by guilt and fear and that they must pray forgiveness from God every day from creating ...[text shortened]... cause he has a mind-bogglingly cool hat. And a stick.


    http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/God[/b]
    Yes that's exactly what Christians believe.You got it. You understand our beliefs so well . I'm glad we have you around Scotty to put the record straight , otherwise this forum would be subject to all sorts of mis-representations.
  9. Standard memberscottishinnz
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    03 Mar '07 20:57
    Gee shucks you guys! If you'd have read to the end, you'd have found it was an "uncyclopedia" entry - the online encyclopedia with no meaningful content whatsoever. However, they do a good parody.


    You guys have NO sense of humour!
  10. Standard memberscottishinnz
    Kichigai!
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    03 Mar '07 20:58
    Originally posted by UmbrageOfSnow
    Wow Louis,
    4 other people already posted, 2 even argued with you, and I get the feeling I am the first person to have actually read beyond the first line of your post. I thought it was absolutely hilarious. Good job.
    Thanks, I loved it too!
  11. Joined
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    03 Mar '07 21:07
    Originally posted by GinoJ
    God is dead.
    ...and no-one cares
    If there is a hell I'll see you there
    I think Heresy sums up my thoughts on God

    http://www.elyrics.net/read/n/nine-inch-nails-lyrics/heresy-lyrics.html
  12. Joined
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    03 Mar '07 21:48
    Originally posted by scottishinnz
    Gee shucks you guys! If you'd have read to the end, you'd have found it was an "uncyclopedia" entry - the online encyclopedia with no meaningful content whatsoever. However, they do a good parody.


    You guys have NO sense of humour!
    OK You got me!
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