1. Standard memberSwissGambit
    Caninus Interruptus
    2014.05.01
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    14 May '13 18:06
    Does anyone else find this act a bit irritating after a while?
    "I am not worthy. God cannot for one minute tolerate my presence because he's so holy. I am a slave to the desires of my own flesh. Even the most insignificant act of good that I do is of no credit to me, but it is god's image shining through my repellent sin-nature. On the other hand, even my tiniest screw-ups are 100% my fault - not blameable on my designer in any way."
    OK, done cutting myself now. Time to pour on some Aloe Vera.
    "Hallelujah! I am redeemed by the blood of Christ. I am walking the narrow way. You are on the broad road that leads to destruction! There is only one way - mine! err, God's. It worked in my life, so it is the proper thing for everyone!"

    "What - that path doesn't appeal to you? Oh well. Bible says that I have done my part - I warned you of your impending damnation. It's on you now - I no longer have to care."
  2. Standard memberkaroly aczel
    the Devil himself
    Brisbane,QLD
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    15 May '13 00:42
    For some it actually works, self-flagellation that is.

    But what you refer to sounds like pure stupidity manifested
  3. SubscriberSuzianne
    Misfit Queen
    Isle of Misfit Toys
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    15 May '13 02:00
    Originally posted by karoly aczel
    For some it actually works, self-flagellation that is.

    But what you refer to sounds like pure stupidity manifested
    And yet, believe it or not, there are those out there, Christian and non-Christian alike, who think that this is what Christianity is about. Yeah, it's stupid, I agree.
  4. Melbourne, Australia
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    15 May '13 02:29
    How to become a "good" Christian:

    1. Confess to all your friends, associates and church leaders that you love Jesus and intend to become His slave and that you will devote your life to Him. It doesn't matter whether you believe it or not, just saying it will put you in a Christian mode.

    2. Read the Bible, but ignore the atrocities and concentrate only on what seems "good" to you. For instance, discard the parts where God kills firstborns, pregnant women, etc., and only keep verses such as "God is love." Its like taking a sugar coated bitter pill, but it will appear good and that's what counts here.

    3. If your antagonists quote a verse from the Bible that contradicts your position, simply say that they're taking that verse out of context. The out-of-context ploy will get you out of many difficult situations and will make it seem that you actually understand the correct context when in fact you don't.

    4. Rely on faith and believe in the Bible superstitions, regardless of how silly they may seem. Yes, even the talking donkey, unicorns, and the strolling on water part. Even if you don't believe in them, just pretend that you do; no one will be able to tell the difference.

    5. Abandon all reason and critical thinking. This is imperative. You cannot become a good Christian if you question the Bible with reason or skepticism.

    6. Attempt to convert your unbelieving friends. Make an ass out of yourself to the point of getting them angry. Make sure you always keep smiling and tell them how much you love them. This will escalate their anger and leave you fully satisfied. If they persist, claim that they are in league with the Devil and only faith in Jesus can release them (make sure you keep smiling).

    7. If you're fortunate to achieve political power, use your religious beliefs to direct your actions. It doesn't matter how many enemies you slaughter or what freedoms are lost, as long as your justification is based on the Bible, you will become a Christian of history.

    8. The most important of all: Give your possessions away (charity). The Bible says give all you have to anyone who asks (Luke 6:30). May I suggest that for practice, give me all your money. I'm officially asking that you to please give me ALL your MONEY. Warning: If you do not do this, you are disobeying a direct Jesus request. However, if you do obey this command, it will guarantee you a Christian position and you will garner my greatest esteem and respect for you.

    If you follow the above examples (especially step 8), you will become an authentic Christian.


    Shortened version, longer version here-
    http://www.nobeliefs.com/jokes.htm
  5. Melbourne, Australia
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    15 May '13 02:34
    Don't get me wrong, Jesus was a good bloke, and a friend of mine, Ilke a lot of what he taught. It's some of his "followers" that need some good confrontation. Some are just irritating, self-righteous, arrogant, idiotic prigs. They are as unlike the Founder as can be.
  6. Standard memberSwissGambit
    Caninus Interruptus
    2014.05.01
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    15 May '13 04:37
    Originally posted by karoly aczel
    For some it actually works, self-flagellation that is.

    But what you refer to sounds like pure stupidity manifested
    I know too many people (some in my own family) that sound like this. If they summarized all of these things into two relatively concise, typed paragraphs, and somehow read it all back in cold blood (without the prejudice of their own memory of saying these things) as we in this thread have, they might start to sense the craziness.

    But I am starting to think it is almost like a fetish. Release the pent up guilt at your own moral failings so that you can feel better when you stop beating yourself up, and then ride that high on up to ridiculous arrogance.
  7. Joined
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    15 May '13 08:07
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    I know too many people (some in my own family) that sound like this. If they summarized all of these things into two relatively concise, typed paragraphs, and somehow read it all back in cold blood (without the prejudice of their own memory of saying these things) as we in this thread have, they might start to sense the craziness.

    But I am starting to ...[text shortened]... better when you stop beating yourself up, and then ride that high on up to ridiculous arrogance.
    i think you have hit the nail on the head. there is a definite element of religion becoming a fetish with some people, especially with in the roman catholic sub groups. i would go as far as saying some nuns an monks do what they do because they enjoy being subservient. i think this was tackled in a movie i watched as a teenager, i think it was called 'the devils'.
  8. Standard memberkaroly aczel
    the Devil himself
    Brisbane,QLD
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    15 May '13 21:41
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    I know too many people (some in my own family) that sound like this. If they summarized all of these things into two relatively concise, typed paragraphs, and somehow read it all back in cold blood (without the prejudice of their own memory of saying these things) as we in this thread have, they might start to sense the craziness.

    But I am starting to ...[text shortened]... better when you stop beating yourself up, and then ride that high on up to ridiculous arrogance.
    I guess if you were into it in a good way others would not know of it. Talking about this stuff never comes out right.
  9. old pueblo
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    17 May '13 00:14
    No one mentioned my pet peeve: Fasting. How does starving myself make me holy or bring me closer to any deity? Is my morality determined by whether or not I eat meat on a Friday in March? St. Clare of Assisi is honored by many and followed by a huge religious order. In spite of all the reading I did about her, it seemed that her biggest claim to fame ended up being that she was so anorexic that she couldn't get out of bed for years and her sisters had to take care of her. This isn't holiness; it's pathology.
  10. Standard memberRJHinds
    The Near Genius
    Fort Gordon
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    17 May '13 05:341 edit
    Originally posted by Taoman
    How to become a "good" Christian:

    1. Confess to all your friends, associates and church leaders that you love Jesus and intend to become His slave and that you will devote your life to Him. It doesn't matter whether you believe it or not, just saying it will put you in a Christian mode.

    2. Read the Bible, but ignore the atrocities and concentrate only o .


    Shortened version, longer version here-
    http://www.nobeliefs.com/jokes.htm
    You have a distorted view of Christians. Perhaps you are really referring to cults, like the Jehovah's Witnesses.

    The Instructor
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