How to become a "good" Christian:
1. Confess to all your friends, associates and church leaders that you love Jesus and intend to become His slave and that you will devote your life to Him. It doesn't matter whether you believe it or not, just saying it will put you in a Christian mode.
2. Read the Bible, but ignore the atrocities and concentrate only on what seems "good" to you. For instance, discard the parts where God kills firstborns, pregnant women, etc., and only keep verses such as "God is love." Its like taking a sugar coated bitter pill, but it will appear good and that's what counts here.
3. If your antagonists quote a verse from the Bible that contradicts your position, simply say that they're taking that verse out of context. The out-of-context ploy will get you out of many difficult situations and will make it seem that you actually understand the correct context when in fact you don't.
4. Rely on faith and believe in the Bible superstitions, regardless of how silly they may seem. Yes, even the talking donkey, unicorns, and the strolling on water part. Even if you don't believe in them, just pretend that you do; no one will be able to tell the difference.
5. Abandon all reason and critical thinking. This is imperative. You cannot become a good Christian if you question the Bible with reason or skepticism.
6. Attempt to convert your unbelieving friends. Make an ass out of yourself to the point of getting them angry. Make sure you always keep smiling and tell them how much you love them. This will escalate their anger and leave you fully satisfied. If they persist, claim that they are in league with the Devil and only faith in Jesus can release them (make sure you keep smiling).
7. If you're fortunate to achieve political power, use your religious beliefs to direct your actions. It doesn't matter how many enemies you slaughter or what freedoms are lost, as long as your justification is based on the Bible, you will become a Christian of history.
8. The most important of all: Give your possessions away (charity). The Bible says give all you have to anyone who asks (Luke 6:30). May I suggest that for practice, give me all your money. I'm officially asking that you to please give me ALL your MONEY. Warning: If you do not do this, you are disobeying a direct Jesus request. However, if you do obey this command, it will guarantee you a Christian position and you will garner my greatest esteem and respect for you.
If you follow the above examples (especially step 8), you will become an authentic Christian.
Shortened version, longer version here-