1. Donationkirksey957
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    24 Jul '08 22:49
    The deadline for the entries in the '08 sermon competition will be midnight on Saturday August 2nd. Don't ask about timezone shizzle as I ain't got time for that kind of stuff. They should be 5-7 minutes in length. They should have a passage to correspond to the message which is not part of the 5-7 minutes. They will be judged on integrity with the passage, creativity, convincing manner and how long it takes the judge to go to sleep.

    The judges are myself, Pritybetta, Mimor and Duecer. Will will post our evaluations by Tuesday and also announce the theme for the next round. Each judge will name a theme or passage.

    The first round is "open" which means it is your choice of what to preach.

    This competition is proudly sponsored by the BWA-Ivory Tower coalition.
  2. Donationkirksey957
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    24 Jul '08 22:53
    One other thing. Will no one pray for the stock market besides me and DoctorScribbles?
  3. Standard memberDoctorScribbles
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    25 Jul '08 00:5517 edits
    "In There"

    A Sermon by Doctor S, submitted for consideration in the first round of
    the second annual BWA-Ivory Tower Sermon Competition, in memory of
    his service on the judges panel when he was sorely disappointed in the
    entries submitted for his topic Fire and Brimstone.



    "The angels shall cast them into a blazing furnace. In that place there
    will be wailing and gnashing of teeth." -- Matthew 13:42


    Remember with me, if you will, the longest sermon you have ever sat through on a
    beautiful Sunday morning in the fall. Recall the feel of the hard pew bruising your
    rear, the preacher's monotone drawl droning in your ear. Your eyes, glazed over with
    boredom, stare at the stained glass windows, as you imagine the glorious day with its
    falling leaves and scampering squirrels lying just beyond the thin, opaque pane, so
    near, yet hopelessly beyond reach, beyond even sight.

    In your imagination, hear your watch ticking so slow, you can distinctly discern the very
    beginning, duration and end of each beat, as though each lasted minutes rather than a
    moment, as though the second hand could take hours to make a full cycle. The sermon
    seems interminable, as though by some accident of physics, a veritable homiletic black
    hole has arisen from the pulpit, taking forever to do its work, and offering no possibility
    of escape.

    Seems pretty bad, doesn't it? It doesn't exactly sound like the best way to spend a
    Sunday morning. But what if I told you there are souls who would beg for such an
    opportunity? They are indeed out there! Or...should I say...in there...


    IN THE LAKE OF FIRE! THE SULFURIC PIT OF UNFATHOMABLE DEPTH WHERE THE
    HOMOSEXUAL GOES TO CAVORT AS HE ROTS TO PIECES, WHERE THE UNBELIEVER
    ROASTS LIKE A SACRIFICIAL SWINE ON A SPIT, AND EVEN THE COMMON SINNER
    MUST TREAD MOLTEN BRIMSTONE UNTIL HIS LIMBS GROW SO WEARY THAT SATAN
    HIMSELF MUST GRAB HIM BY THE HAIRS ON HIS HEAD, KNOWN IN NUMBER ONLY
    TO GOD IN HEAVEN, AND LIFT HIM TEMPORARILY FROM THE SEA OF AGONY, HIS FEET
    DANGLING ABOVE THE SURFACE UNTIL HIS BODY RECOVERS, ONLY TO BE CAST BACK IN!



    Harken back to that sermon that you were remembering with such disdain. Reflect on
    your greed as you give a prayer of thanks that you were born a God-fearing Christian....


    Oh, how lucky you should be to have a seat on a hard pew! Would you rather be treading lava?

    How blessed are you that the sermon only seems long, and that eventually you will be
    free to go and enjoy the full glory of God's creation. Would you rather be stuck listening
    to -- even seeing! -- rampant acts of devilish faggotry going on all around you, FOREVER?!

    How fortunate that you are not a Muslim. Heaven is separated from Hades by something
    much greater than a pane of glass, greater even than the seas separating Mecca from
    the New World, our Manifest Destiny.

    That something is called "eternity."

    With your memories so engaged, remember this for the next time you are sitting
    in a boring sermon wishing you were somewhere else: ultimately the only somewhere else
    to be is "in there."
  4. At the Revolution
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    25 Jul '08 01:53
    Originally posted by kirksey957
    The deadline for the entries in the '08 sermon competition will be midnight on Saturday August 2nd. Don't ask about timezone shizzle as I ain't got time for that kind of stuff. They should be 5-7 minutes in length. They should have a passage to correspond to the message which is not part of the 5-7 minutes. They will be judged on integrity with the pa ...[text shortened]... what to preach.

    This competition is proudly sponsored by the BWA-Ivory Tower coalition.
    Is this really what you do with your time?
  5. Subscriberduecer
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    25 Jul '08 01:58
    Originally posted by scherzo
    Is this really what you do with your time?
    what do you care what he does? its not your time, its his.
  6. Standard membershavixmir
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    25 Jul '08 05:37
    Originally posted by kirksey957
    The deadline for the entries in the '08 sermon competition will be midnight on Saturday August 2nd. Don't ask about timezone shizzle as I ain't got time for that kind of stuff. They should be 5-7 minutes in length. They should have a passage to correspond to the message which is not part of the 5-7 minutes. They will be judged on integrity with the pa ...[text shortened]... what to preach.

    This competition is proudly sponsored by the BWA-Ivory Tower coalition.
    Open?

    And I've to base it on some religious book d'ancient as well?

    Did I understand this correctly?
  7. Donationkirksey957
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    25 Jul '08 08:291 edit
    Originally posted by shavixmir
    Open?

    And I've to base it on some religious book d'ancient as well?

    Did I understand this correctly?
    "Open" means Your choice. You can choose a passage from the Bible or any book that you hold as guiding for your belief system. The other rounds will probably have more structure to them as the judges will choose the theme. So if in the next round a judge has the theme to be "the evils of alcohol", it might be a stretch for you.
  8. Donationkirksey957
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    25 Jul '08 11:33
    Originally posted by shavixmir
    Open?

    And I've to base it on some religious book d'ancient as well?

    Did I understand this correctly?
    In your case, if you can prove to me your sermon was written from jail, I would be willing to consider adding some points as it would be in the legacy of the Apostle Paul and Martin Luther King, Jr.
  9. Standard memberRajk999
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    25 Jul '08 12:131 edit
    Originally posted by DoctorScribbles
    [b]"In There"

    A Sermon by Doctor S, submitted for consideration in the first round of
    the second annual BWA-Ivory Tower Sermon Competition, in memory of
    his service on the judges panel when he was sorely disappointed in the
    entries submitted for his topic Fire and Brimstone.



    "The angels shall cast them into a blazing furnace ng you were somewhere else: ultimately the only somewhere else
    to be is "in there."
    [/b]
    I personally find it in poor taste for preachers to resort to :

    1. Condemning or belittling other religions in their sermon.

    2. Gross exaggeration above and beyond what is in the Bible, about the likelihood of pain and suffering in the hereafter.
  10. Subscriberduecer
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    25 Jul '08 13:10
    Originally posted by Rajk999
    I personally find it in poor taste for preachers to resort to :

    1. Condemning or belittling other religions in their sermon.

    2. Gross exaggeration above and beyond what is in the Bible, about the likelihood of pain and suffering in the hereafter.
    its an illustration, and he is using irony to make his point. I will reserve further comment until I have reviewed all of the entries, as should everyone else. forcing someone to do apologetics for there work when not all the entries are in is quite unfair.
  11. Standard memberRajk999
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    25 Jul '08 13:20
    Originally posted by duecer
    its an illustration, and he is using irony to make his point. I will reserve further comment until I have reviewed all of the entries, as should everyone else. forcing someone to do apologetics for there work when not all the entries are in is quite unfair.
    OK
  12. SEMO
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    25 Jul '08 15:52
    Originally posted by kirksey957
    One other thing. Will no one pray for the stock market besides me and DoctorScribbles?
    I will pray the economy will become secure once again, if that means the stock market is to be in good shape so be it. 🙂
  13. At the Revolution
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    25 Jul '08 18:06
    Originally posted by duecer
    what do you care what he does? its not your time, its his.
    Still ... a sermon competition on a chess site?
  14. Joined
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    25 Jul '08 19:33
    Originally posted by scherzo
    Still ... a sermon competition on a chess site?
    Why not? We also have photo, music and prose competitions.
  15. Joined
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    25 Jul '08 19:411 edit
    Originally posted by kirksey957
    One other thing. Will no one pray for the stock market besides me and DoctorScribbles?
    Yeah, 'cause God really cares about the stock market. He really, really does.

    She.

    It.

    Whatever.
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