1. Standard membershavixmir
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    23 Dec '05 07:38
    God came to me last night and told me I have to save the world. He said: "Mark, you are my messiah on Earth. You must take my message forth."

    I answered: "But God, why me? I'm an atheist!"
    God answered: "You will start a new religion without the shackles of former religions weighing on your mind.

    "I hand you the three principles of truth that it is your duty to make the world aware of. I give them to you for I can trust you. Because I trust you will be slaughtered. Because you will be slaughtered, your message will become strong."

    "The first principle of truth:
    Mark is the messenger of God on earth. All other messengers past or present are to be cast aside. There will be no messenger after Mark.

    "The second principle of truth:
    You will stop reading holy books and instead will focus your attentions on the gospels of Shavixmir.

    "The third principle of truth:
    If my message in Mark fails hell damnation will rain down upon the human race."

    "Well," answered I, "Do you think those principles of truth are going to work then?"

    "It is not for you to question me, it is for you to do my bidding." God said.

    Questions anyone?
  2. Standard memberBosse de Nage
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    23 Dec '05 07:43
    Originally posted by shavixmir
    Questions anyone?
    Can I have a signed first edition of the Gospel according to Mark?
  3. Cape Town
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    23 Dec '05 07:46
    Originally posted by shavixmir
    I answered: "But God, why me? I'm an atheist!"
    Well after you have been slaughtered (your first prophesy) please let us know.

    If you are an atheist then why did you immediately assume that it was God talking to you ? And if you were talking to him then you were already no longer an atheist!
  4. Standard membershavixmir
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    23 Dec '05 07:49
    Originally posted by twhitehead
    Well after you have been slaughtered (your first prophesy) please let us know.

    If you are an atheist then why did you immediately assume that it was God talking to you ? And if you were talking to him then you were already no longer an atheist!
    There was no doubting the presence.
    I am, indeed, no longer an atheist.
  5. Standard membershavixmir
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    23 Dec '05 07:50
    Originally posted by Bosse de Nage
    Can I have a signed first edition of the Gospel according to Mark?
    Property is worthless.
    It will only lead to draining your creativity and binding you to a spot.
  6. Standard memberBosse de Nage
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    23 Dec '05 07:53
    Originally posted by shavixmir
    Property is worthless.
    It will only lead to draining your creativity and binding you to a spot.
    So you're not issuing a book. Are you confining your evangelism to this forum? How does drinking affect your message?
  7. Standard membershavixmir
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    23 Dec '05 07:59
    Originally posted by Bosse de Nage
    So you're not issuing a book. Are you confining your evangelism to this forum? How does drinking affect your message?
    Drinking doesn't affect the message, it just slightly delays it. The main point is that alcohol should not lead to violence.

    I will not be issuing a book.
    My message will not be confined to this forum.
  8. Standard memberBosse de Nage
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    23 Dec '05 08:001 edit
    Originally posted by shavixmir
    My message will not be confined to this forum.
    Is it merely a coincidence that you're going to India? Reckon Jesus is living there still?

    Won't your berserker be lonely?
  9. Standard membershavixmir
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    23 Dec '05 08:00
    Originally posted by aspviper666
    the same thing happened to a friend of mine when he took some acid
    unfortunately his religion didnt have the cool name yours does
    who wants to practice lipschitzisim ?
    This is a thread on serious and holy issues, we will have less of your crude jokes and more praying. Thank you.

    (although it was funny...)
  10. Standard membershavixmir
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    23 Dec '05 08:00
    Originally posted by Bosse de Nage
    Is it merely a coincidence that you're going to India? Reckon Jesus is living there still?

    Won't your berserker be lonely?
    Jesus is a messenger past. He is no longer of relevance.
  11. Standard memberBosse de Nage
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    23 Dec '05 08:01
    Originally posted by shavixmir
    Jesus is a messenger past. He is no longer of relevance.
    OK, give us some gospel.
  12. Colorado
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    23 Dec '05 08:16
    Originally posted by shavixmir
    God came to me last night and told me I have to save the world. He said: "Mark, you are my messiah on Earth. You must take my message forth."

    I answered: "But God, why me? I'm an atheist!"
    God answered: "You will start a new religion without the shackles of former religions weighing on your mind.

    "I hand you the three principles of truth th ...[text shortened]... is not for you to question me, it is for you to do my bidding." God said.

    Questions anyone?
    Are you planning on working any miracles? Do you plan to rise again after we slaughter you?
  13. Standard memberAmaurote
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    23 Dec '05 08:18
    Originally posted by shavixmir

    God answered: "You will start a new religion without the shackles of former religions weighing on your mind."
    I accept your credo without reservation, I just can't help myself when God talks dirty.
  14. Territories Unknown
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    23 Dec '05 13:04
    Originally posted by shavixmir
    "I hand you the three principles of truth that it is your duty to make the world aware of.
    Who would have thunk that the Almighty would have problems structuring sentences?

    "The first principle of truth:
    Mark is the messenger of God on earth.

    Apparently, Stang is no longer relevant?

    Questions anyone?
    Did God sound like Eferem Zimbalist, Jr., Morgan Freeman or James Earl Jones?
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    23 Dec '05 13:12
    I feel a Shavixmir Highstandard In Threads coming on.
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