Ever wonder where you stand on the divinity scale? Well wonder no longer! Just answer this simple yes/no questionnaire for your instantaneous results! (Some simple math may be required.)
1) Do you own a Bible?
2) Is it covered with a thick layer of dust?
3) Because you never clean your house?
4) Do you believe in God?
5) Do you eat shrimp?
6) Does water constantly turn to wine whenever you attempt to drink it as soon as it touches your lips?
7) Have you ever made a plan or suggestion to stone someone to death?
8) Did you go through with it?
9) Do you at least own any stones in case such an accasion should arise?
10) Do you weigh the same as a duck?
11) Have you coveted your neighbour's wife?
12) Do you sacrafise small animals to pagan god(s)?
13) Are you Christian?
14) Are you accepting of people who are not?
15) Does a crucifix hang on your wall?
16) Is it upside down?
17) Do you dance naked under a full moon?
18) Do you repent for your sins?
19) By flogging yourself?
20) Does this flogging give you erotic pleasure?
21) Have you sold your soul to Satan?
22) If not, is it because your soul is so rotten, that even Satan would not accept it?
23) Do you live to eat instead of eating to live?
24) Do you seek revenge when wronged?
25) Are you taking this quiz because you are procrastinating with doing other work?
26) Are you awesome?
27) Am I?
28) Do you think it is unfair that others have what you know you deserve?
29) Do you think money is evil?
30) Do you donate to the poor?
31) Do you know someone, in the Biblical sense, out of wedlock?
32) Are you a virgin?
33) If yes, did you give birth anyway?
Tally up your score (Y for yes and N for no).
1) Y: +1 N: -1
2) Y: -1 N: 0
3) Y: 0 (that is really disgusting...pig) N: 0
4) Y: +3 N: -3 (imagine that I gasped in horror)
5) Y: -1 (oh, the humanity! the abomination!! go read Lev 11:10-12) N: +1
6) Y: -2 (for lying) N: 0
7) Y: +1 N: 0
8) Y: +2 N: 0 (wimp)
9) Y: +1 N: 0
10) Y: -1 (you should burn at the stake) N: 0
11) Y: -1 N: +1
12) Y: -2 N: +1 (if this is because you just sacrafice big animals, don't give yourself any points)
13) Y: +4 N: -4
14) Y: -1 (don't accept, convert!!) N: +1
15) Y: +1 N: -1
16) Y: -2 N: 0
17) Y: -1 (put some clothes on, no one wants to see that...and btw, you look cold) N: +1
18) Y: +1 N: -1
19) Y: +2 N: 0
20) Y: -2 (S&M, much?) N: 0
21) Y: -1 (I hope you at least got a good deal) N: +1
22) Y: -2 N: 0
23) [Gluttony] Y: -1 (I bet you could stand to lose a few pounds) N: +1
24) [Wrath] Y: -1 (remember to serve it cold) N: +2
25) [Sloth] Y: -1 (get back to work, lazy arse) N: 0 (just so you know, I don't believe you)
26) [Pride] Y: -1 (way to be humble) N: +1 (way to have self-asteem)
27) Y: 0 ( <3 ) N: 0 (futue te ipsum...translate that!)
28) [Jealousy] Y: -1 N: +1
29) [Greed] Y: +1 (pfft, no doubt only because you have it) N: -1
30) Y: +2 N: -1
31) [Lust] Y: -1 N: +1
32) Y: +1 (prude!) N: 0 (slut/male whore!)
33) Y: +3 (...Mary? is that you?) N: 0 if you're female, +3 if you're male (for any ladies who think this is unfair, you can blame Eve)
Less than -25: Full-Fledged Heathen
You are the Devil incarnated and your godlessness knows no bounds. You are everything that is wrong with the world. You are the bad thing that happens to good people. A pox on thee, spawn of evil!
-25 to -11: Part-Time Infidel
You are headed down a very dark road, but it need not be this way. You still have a chance to turn your life around. Let Jesus into your black heart and repent posthaste, lest you wish to burn in Hell for all eternity!
-10 to 10: Occasional Sinner
You are not quiet evil, yet not quite good. If you wish to be more pious perhaps try being a little less tolerant of people who have other religions (assuming, of course, that you are Christian). Get a few stones incase you come across an infidel. Burn the occasional witch. And finally, read the Bible once in a while – 'tis not just a pretty decoration for your nightstand.
11 to 25: Mostly Pious
You pretty much know what it takes to live a life that is right with the Lord. You still slip up from time to time, but you have enough sense to repent (hopefully). Just be wary of those who would temp you into sin.
More than 25: Simply Divine
You are a heavenly being untainted by sin and impiety and will be well rewarded in the afterlife. Hats off to you, oh righteous one!
Make sure to post your results so I know which one of you shrimp-loving-animal-sacrificing-sin-tolerating-witchcraft-practicing-heathens I should be wary of most. (For those interested, I got Mostly Pious with a whopping 13 points.)