1. Standard membershavixmir
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    23 Nov '05 22:43
    Well, was I ever shocked at being invited to the open day in heaven!
    As a pure and utter atheist I have to admit at feeling slightly embarrassed...

    Anyways, RBHILL and myself decided to form and international pact and travel upwards and onwards together. And so it was that we both found ourselves at the pearly gates with Simon (he prefers Simon, but can handle Peter if need be...he explained) at the ready to give us our free tour.

    He first led us into a giant room filled with beds. Some of the beds had sleepers in them, some of them had not.
    "Prey tel Peter," said RBHILL, "what are all these beds fur?"
    "Well," explained Simon, "this is where the angels sleep when they're off duty."
    "Do they really have no genitals?" I asked.
    Peter decided to ignore my question.

    And so the tour continued. Peter showing us all around, room after room after room. Until we came upon a large room full of clocks. Each clock had a name under it.
    "Pry tel Peater," said RBHILL, "What ar all thees clucks fur?"
    "Well," explained Simon, "each clock is somebody's sexual line. And each time said individual masturbates, the clock moves one tick forward."
    And both RBHILL and myself noticed that every so often a clock would tick one minute forward.

    We both gaped in awe at the amount of clocks, the amount of names and the size of the room. After considerable gaping I noticed something and felt I had to have an answer.
    "Say Simon," Sais I, "where is young Ivanhoe's clock? For I see it not? "
    And Simon answered: "We use his clock in the kitchen as a ventilator."
  2. Standard memberRBHILL
    Acts 13:48
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    24 Nov '05 00:09
    Originally posted by shavixmir
    Well, was I ever shocked at being invited to the open day in heaven!
    As a pure and utter atheist I have to admit at feeling slightly embarrassed...

    Anyways, RBHILL and myself decided to form and international pact and travel upwards and onwards together. And so it was that we both found ourselves at the pearly gates with Simon (he prefers Simon, but ca ...[text shortened]... For I see it not? "
    And Simon answered: "We use his clock in the kitchen as a ventilator."
    Not that I read it all, but how do you know if Peter is at the gates?
  3. Standard memberDoctorScribbles
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    24 Nov '05 00:12
    Originally posted by RBHILL
    Not that I read it all, but how do you know if Peter is at the gates?
    Peter was Catholic, so he's probably not really there.
  4. Standard memberRBHILL
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    24 Nov '05 00:17
    Originally posted by DoctorScribbles
    Peter was Catholic, so he's probably not really there.
    How do you know Catholicism started in the mid 1500's or 1400's.
    Peter was a Christian.
  5. Standard memberDoctorScribbles
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    24 Nov '05 00:20
    Originally posted by RBHILL
    How do you know Catholicism started in the mid 1500's or 1400's.
    Peter was a Christian.
    Oh yeah, you're right. I was confused.
  6. Standard memberRBHILL
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    24 Nov '05 00:22
    Originally posted by DoctorScribbles
    Oh yeah, you're right. I was confused.
    Na, I don't know when Catholisims started but they where not the first Christians, not that they are.
  7. Donationkirksey957
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    24 Nov '05 00:24
    Jesus said "upon this rock I will build my church." The church needs more rock hard Peters.
  8. Standard memberDoctorScribbles
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    24 Nov '05 00:25
    Originally posted by kirksey957
    Jesus said "upon this rock I will build my church." The church needs more rock hard Peters.
    It sure does. It already has more snake handlers than it needs.
  9. Standard memberDoctorScribbles
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    24 Nov '05 00:26
    Originally posted by RBHILL
    Na, I don't know when Catholisims started but they where not the first Christians, not that they are.
    I know what you mean.
  10. The sky
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    24 Nov '05 00:28
    Originally posted by DoctorScribbles
    I know what you mean.
    Wow.
  11. Donationkirksey957
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    24 Nov '05 00:33
    Originally posted by Nordlys
    Wow.
    DoctorScribbles is somewhat like the man that follows Stephen Hawking around. No one can understand him but this man. So that means that RBHill is like Stephen Hawking.
  12. Standard membershavixmir
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    24 Nov '05 07:14
    Originally posted by RBHILL
    Not that I read it all, but how do you know if Peter is at the gates?
    Two reasons I know:

    1. It states so in the holy scriptures. "...And Peter guards the gates to heaven..."

    2. He said: "Hi, I'm Peter, but friends call me Simon."
  13. Standard memberHalitose
    I stink, ergo I am
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    24 Nov '05 07:30
    Originally posted by shavixmir
    Well, was I ever shocked at being invited to the open day in heaven!
    As a pure and utter atheist I have to admit at feeling slightly embarrassed...

    Anyways, RBHILL and myself decided to form and international pact and travel upwards and onwards together. And so it was that we both found ourselves at the pearly gates with Simon (he prefers Simon, but ca ...[text shortened]... For I see it not? "
    And Simon answered: "We use his clock in the kitchen as a ventilator."
    I seem to recall this joke along the lines of Bill Clinton.
  14. Standard memberknightwest
    General of GROSS
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    27 Nov '05 03:32
    Originally posted by RBHILL
    Na, I don't know when Catholisims started but they where not the first Christians, not that they are.
    The Catholic Church traces it's roots to early Christians, the very first actually.

    Simon Peter founded the Church that was to become the Catholic Church. The term catholic only become relevant during the Reformation, when there was a split between the Catholic Church and the reforming, protestant, lutherian churches in Europe.

    So Catholics were the first and original Christians. This is not meant to demean any other Christian denomination (apart from RBHILL's hillbilly church), so please don't take offence. It is only meant to refute RBHILL's idiotic statement.

    Shame that your hillbilly church doesn't actually teach you anything that matters (like the history of the Christian faith, for instance).
  15. Standard memberRBHILL
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    27 Nov '05 06:09
    Originally posted by kirksey957
    Jesus said "upon this rock I will build my church." The church needs more rock hard Peters.
    When he said this rock.

    If you call your self a Christian Kirksey957, you would know that Jesus was referring to Earth not Peter.

    And also even though Jesus is gone, He is the leader of the Church not the Pope or anyone else. He guides his true followers with the Holy Spirit.
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