Unlikely things to find in the bible.

Inspired by the television program mock the week - unlikely things to find in the bible.

I'll start:

He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy.

😉

Is that a thorn in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

There's all 14 commandments, now are you going to remember them all?

Originally posted by Bad wolf
Inspired by the television program mock the week - unlikely things to find in the bible.

I'll start:

He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy.

😉

"And Jesus amused all on the mount with his comedic anal gas impersonations of farm animals"

When God said: 'let there be light'
Chuck Norris said: 'Please'.

"Once upon a time... "

(Rather than "In the beginning." Though I know of a rabbi who translated the opening words exactly that way...)

The word "supernatural" does not appear in the bible.

You can take slaves from neighbouring nations.

Edit: Oops! That's already in there. 😉

Originally posted by Bad wolf
You can take slaves from neighbouring nations.

Edit: Oops! That's already in there. 😉

LOL, can you be mine?

Originally posted by Bad wolf
There's all 14 commandments, now are you going to remember them all?

Thats 15 commandments and he dropped one of the tablets, so now there is only ten!

Originally posted by josephw
The word "supernatural" does not appear in the bible.

Which translation? Clearly English words don't occur in Hebrew versions, but claims about English translations must state the translation or they are false.

Jesus making a false prediction.

Jesus predicts that he will be "in the heart of the earth" for three days and three nights. If by this he meant that he would be in the tomb for three days and three nights, then either he was mistaken or the gospels are in error. Because according to the gospels (this is one of the few things they all seem to agree on), Jesus was in the tomb for only one day and two nights. [Matthew] 12:40

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/abs/nt.html

And Jesus woke up! It was all a horrific nightmare!

Facts and or logical truths. (i.e - that can be substantiated)

Originally posted by Bad wolf
And Jesus woke up! It was all a horrific nightmare!

Just like Dallas. . . . But I bet Jesus woke up face down in the pub, shoved back to life by the strong smell of a domestos rich mop, pushing a sickly smile into his cheek.

Even the son of God has his bottom to reach. . . . .