Favourite stupid poems / limerics etc

Spike Miiligan: Return to Sorento 1,2,3:

I must go down to the sea again,
The lonely sea and sky,
I left my vest and socks there,
I wonder if they're dry?

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose sick was so long he could duck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a funt I would cuck it!"

A prokaryote and his brother
were sharing a drink with each other.
They, in their quaffing,
split their sides laughing
and now each of them is a mother.

There once was a lady from Madras
Who had a most beautiful ass
Not the kind you may think
All dimpled and pink
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

Spike again:

Death to the dentist,
Death to his chair,
Death to his 'this might hurt',
There! There! There!

Death to his amalgam,Death to his nurse,
Death to his injections, Curse! Curse! Curse!

Death to his 'open wides',
Death to his drill,
Death to his fillings,
Kill! Kill! Kill!

Roses are red,
Vioets are blue.
I'm a schizophrenic
and so am I !

Originally posted by PinkFloyd
Roses are red,
Vioets are blue.
I'm a schizophrenic
and so am I !

One I learned in grade school:

There was a young lady from Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger

They returned from the ride
With the lady inside

And the smile on the face of the tiger.

Resume

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

-- Dorothy Parker

There once was a young man called Artur,
who was an exceptional farter.
On only one bean
he'd fart "God save the Queen"
And Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata"

There was a man of Thessaly and he was wondrous wise:
He jumped into a quick-set hedge and scratched out both his eyes
And when he saw his eyes were out he'd reason to complain:
He jumped into another hedge and scratched them in again

Das Gebet

Die Rehlein beten zur Nacht,
hab acht!

Halb neun!

Halb zehn!

Halb elf!

Halb zwölf!

Zwölf!

Die Rehlein beten zur Nacht,
hab acht!
Sie falten die kleinen Zehlein,
die Rehlein.

-Christian Morgenstern

Originally posted by Nordlys
Das Gebet

Die Rehlein beten zur Nacht,
hab acht!
Halb neun!
Halb zehn!
Halb elf!
Halb zwölf!
Zwölf!
Die Rehlein beten zur Nacht,
hab acht!
Sie falten die kleinen Zehlein,
die Rehlein.

-Christian Morgenstern

Max Knight's translation:

The Does' Prayer

The does, as the hour grows late,
med-it-ate;

med-it-nine;

med-i-ten;

med-eleven;

med-twelve;

mednight!

The does, as the hour grows late,
meditate.
They fold their little toesies,
the doesies.

Originally posted by Nordlys
Max Knight's translation:

The Does' Prayer

The does, as the hour grows late,
med-it-ate;

med-it-nine;

med-i-ten;

med-eleven;

med-twelve;

mednight!

The does, as the hour grows late,
meditate.
They fold their little toesies,
the doesies.

1 little monkey way going 2 the store
When he saw a banana 3 he'd never seen be 4.
By 5 o'clock that evening, he was 6 with a stomachache
Because 7 green bananas was what that monkey 8.
By 9 o'clock that evening, that monkey was quite ill
So 10 he called the doctor who was 11 on the hill.
The doctor said, "You're almost dead!
Don't eat green bananas no more!"
The little monkey groaned and said,
"But that's what I 1 2 the 3 4!"

--Shel Silverstein

Originally posted by huckleberryhound
There once was a young man called Artur,
who was an exceptional farter.
On only one bean
he'd fart "God save the Queen"
And Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata"

The third movement of the Moonlight, I hope?? 😀