1. Joined
    30 Sep '08
    Moves
    2996
    04 Dec '09 13:19
    Author unkown. (Wish we knew, 'cause it's really funny)

    1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."

    2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

    3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes... sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

    4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch--ain't no way out.

    5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and company motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

    6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

    7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

    8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it is.

    9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

    10. Good places for the Blues:
    a. Highway
    b. Jailhouse
    c. An empty bed
    d. Bottom of a whiskey glass

    11. Bad places for the Blues:
    a. Nordstrom's
    b. Gallery openings
    c. Ivy league institutions
    d. Golf courses

    12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

    13. You have the right to sing the Blues if:
    a. You older than dirt
    b. You blind
    c. You shot a man in Memphis
    d. You can't be satisfied

    14. You don't have the right to sing the Blues if:
    a. You have all your teeth
    b. You were once blind but now can see
    c. The man in Memphis lived
    d. You have a pension fund

    15. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

    16. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues

    17. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
    a. Cheap wine
    b. Whiskey or bourbon
    c. Muddy water
    d. Nasty black coffee

    18. The following are NOT Blues beverages:
    a. Perrier
    b. Chardonnay
    c. Snapple
    d. Slim Fast

    19. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broke-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

    20. Some Blues names for women:
    a. Sadie
    b. Big Mama
    c. Bessie
    d. Fat River Dumpling

    21. Some Blues names for men:
    a. Joe
    b. Willie
    c. Little Willie
    d. Big Willie

    22. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

    23. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Melon, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi."😉

    24. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own even one computer, you cannot sing the blues.
  2. Standard memberkaroly aczel
    The Axe man
    Brisbane,QLD
    Joined
    11 Apr '09
    Moves
    102622
    06 Dec '09 09:07
    Originally posted by scacchipazzo
    Author unkown. (Wish we knew, 'cause it's really funny)

    1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."

    2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

    3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, re ...[text shortened]... if you own even one computer, you cannot sing the blues.
    Classic dude! ..all except the computer part...
  3. Standard memberSeitse
    Doug Stanhope
    That's Why I Drink
    Joined
    01 Jan '06
    Moves
    33672
    06 Dec '09 13:37
    Originally posted by scacchipazzo
    Author unkown. (Wish we knew, 'cause it's really funny)

    1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."

    2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

    3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, re ...[text shortened]... if you own even one computer, you cannot sing the blues.
    ROTFLMAO!!!!! 😵
  4. Donationrwingett
    Ming the Merciless
    Royal Oak, MI
    Joined
    09 Sep '01
    Moves
    27626
    07 Dec '09 16:10
    I was browsing in Nordstrom's, just a lookin' for shoes
    Yeah I was browsing in Nordstrom's, just a lookin' for shoes
    But they was all the wrong color, I got dem shopping mall blues.

    I shoulda stayed home and had a glass of wine
    Yeah I shoulda stayed home and had a glass of wine
    Just kick back in my Lazy Boy and bought some shoes online.
  5. Joined
    30 Sep '08
    Moves
    2996
    08 Dec '09 02:221 edit
    Originally posted by rwingett
    I was browsing in Nordstrom's, just a lookin' for shoes
    Yeah I was browsing in Nordstrom's, just a lookin' for shoes
    But they was all the wrong color, I got dem shopping mall blues.

    I shoulda stayed home and had a glass of wine
    Yeah I shoulda stayed home and had a glass of wine
    Just kick back in my Lazy Boy and bought some shoes online.
    Cannot go to Nordstrom's and sing the blues! Rule#25! Fail!
  6. Account suspended
    Joined
    08 Dec '09
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    08 Dec '09 19:45

    This post is unavailable.

    Please refer to our posting guidelines.

  7. Pepperland
    Joined
    30 May '07
    Moves
    12892
    08 Dec '09 20:01
    The post that was quoted here has been removed
    If I were you I'd reconsider that, after all, scacchipazzo is known for holding extremist right-wing views.
  8. Joined
    30 Sep '08
    Moves
    2996
    10 Dec '09 01:31
    Originally posted by generalissimo
    If I were you I'd reconsider that, after all, scacchipazzo is known for holding extremist right-wing views.
    ?
  9. Pepperland
    Joined
    30 May '07
    Moves
    12892
    10 Dec '09 17:24
    Originally posted by scacchipazzo
    ?
    if you had seen the post I replied to you'd understand.
  10. Joined
    30 Sep '08
    Moves
    2996
    11 Dec '09 00:15
    Originally posted by generalissimo
    if you had seen the post I replied to you'd understand.
    Were you trying to dissuade someone from giving me the leftie koolaid drinking award?
  11. Pepperland
    Joined
    30 May '07
    Moves
    12892
    11 Dec '09 17:01
    Originally posted by scacchipazzo
    Were you trying to dissuade someone from giving me the leftie koolaid drinking award?
    not exactly.
  12. Joined
    30 Aug '06
    Moves
    28651
    14 Dec '09 18:381 edit
    Originally posted by scacchipazzo
    Cannot go to Nordstrom's and sing the blues! Rule#25! Fail!
    Maybe:
    He went to K Mart
    baa daa daa duh
    To buy some shoes
    baa daa daa duh
    Now he's got those nine dollar and 99 cent shoes. 😕
    Dew dee dee dew dee dee do do do do *pick slide*
  13. Joined
    30 Sep '08
    Moves
    2996
    14 Dec '09 21:072 edits
    Originally posted by Ice Cold
    Maybe:
    He went to K Mart
    baa daa daa duh
    To buy some shoes
    baa daa daa duh
    Now he's got those nine dollar and 99 cent shoes. 😕
    Dew dee dee dew dee dee do do do do *pick slide*
    Cannot go to K-Mart and sing the blues. Rule#26. Fail! ONly exception is K-mart located in da swamp and gator chompin yo leg while ya get them 99 cent sneakers. Can't be flip flops! Gator has to burp up sneaker with yo leg still in sneaker. Better try than rwingett's, though! You could also go out with mean faced cashier and have the gator chomp on her. You keep your senakers, gator gets the girl, everyone happy! Wait! Cannot be happy and sing the blues! Fail!
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