what has happened to metal?
14 May '09 10:111 editDear gentle reader, there was a person who put forth the proposition that metal was alive and well! it was dead i retorted, metal was dead! it had died when Dianno was kicked from Maiden and Dickinson turned them into an operatic outfit.
what had happened? where was Saxon, where was Motorhead? killed by pansies from America, Motley Cru and Cinderella. but Guns and roses saved metal, some said, i had to conceal my inward sniggering, Guns and Rosies were never metal i thought, just a bunch of poofs from California who wanted to be Led Zepplin, look at me, im Jimi page, i got a top hat like Allister Crowley! if they were metal, then they must have been light metal or plastic metal or bendy metal. no the Americans had never produced a true metal band, they were all mere imitations of the real thing, Metalica included, just more pansies.
I looked north, there was black metal, little boys from Norway who were into burning churches for real, but looked so innocent, like they'd just been allowed to stay out to 11 oclock at night, pathetic really. one of them even killed someone, do they really know what they were doing i thought, i doubt it, they should be at home watching scooby doo instead.
I turned to thrash metal, Anthrax looked promising, but it was a formula, a one dimensional outlook, masked under all the amphetamines and hair was a non entity, no art, nothing but a void and a communal delusion, it was, as i had feared, truly dead.
someone let me listen to Rammstein, you'll like them, Goths i thought, flippin Goths masquerading as metal, yes dear friends, let us take a moment to reflect appreciatively on what was but a brief sojourn in this stormy world, the rise and fall of true metal, will its likes ever be seen again and distinguishable from these inferior mutations, who can tell?
what had happened? where was Saxon, where was Motorhead? killed by pansies from America, Motley Cru and Cinderella. but Guns and roses saved metal, some said, i had to conceal my inward sniggering, Guns and Rosies were never metal i thought, just a bunch of poofs from California who wanted to be Led Zepplin, look at me, im Jimi page, i got a top hat like Allister Crowley! if they were metal, then they must have been light metal or plastic metal or bendy metal. no the Americans had never produced a true metal band, they were all mere imitations of the real thing, Metalica included, just more pansies.
I looked north, there was black metal, little boys from Norway who were into burning churches for real, but looked so innocent, like they'd just been allowed to stay out to 11 oclock at night, pathetic really. one of them even killed someone, do they really know what they were doing i thought, i doubt it, they should be at home watching scooby doo instead.
I turned to thrash metal, Anthrax looked promising, but it was a formula, a one dimensional outlook, masked under all the amphetamines and hair was a non entity, no art, nothing but a void and a communal delusion, it was, as i had feared, truly dead.
someone let me listen to Rammstein, you'll like them, Goths i thought, flippin Goths masquerading as metal, yes dear friends, let us take a moment to reflect appreciatively on what was but a brief sojourn in this stormy world, the rise and fall of true metal, will its likes ever be seen again and distinguishable from these inferior mutations, who can tell?
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