My perception (and that being one of a married man) is that part of the fun of intimacy is the unknown. The inherent problem with this is that eventually intimacy with the same individual becomes "old news" (naturally) and the thrill of the unknown becomes increasingly difficult, if not impossible, to achieve.
It has also been my experience that much of what has been said in this thread is true to one degree or another. I firmly believe that some of us were simply designed with procreation more in mind (the alpha males if you will).
Regardless of the reasons behind this phenomena, I believe the key to satisfaction in this regard is to proactively seek out what your personal needs are and become creative towards this end. While this is not a total cure prescription for some (like the "alpha male"😉 it is the best I can offer. Knowing what you and your partners individual needs are is the key to fullfillment. The best relationships I know are ones that are open about the matter and in which the partners discuss with one another their feelings and desires. The simple truth is that you have to know what is important to you before you can find. It's hard to find what you're looking for if you don't what it is.
Originally posted by FeivelI suppose I mean spouses. I only said wives, because I had heard several comments latley where the wives were mentioned as not interested in sexual activities. I know that sometimes men are not interested either. I have heard several recent comments about women not wanting to perform oral sex on thier hubbys. pity.
Sorry but I gotta ask for a clarification. Do you mean wives or spouses?
Feivel
Originally posted by rgoudieLOL no. I just think sex should be discussed openly. I hate that sex is treated as something nasty and immoral, yet the airwaves are full of images of people being blasted into bits and that is okay.
Sarah, do you have a web site that you are wanting us to visit? 😉
-Ray.
Originally posted by elvendreamgirlWell, since the airwaves are also full of a lot of sex, there's some hypocrisy there which is why I thought ''blasted into bits'' was the funniest euphemism in history until I realized you were talking about violence and things.
LOL no. I just think sex should be discussed openly. I hate that sex is treated as something nasty and immoral, yet the airwaves are full of images of people being blasted into bits and that is okay.
Originally posted by elvendreamgirlI must agree with you.
LOL no. I just think sex should be discussed openly. I hate that sex is treated as something nasty and immoral, yet the airwaves are full of images of people being blasted into bits and that is okay.
If there ever was a movie where some crazy, topless woman ran around killing people with an AK-47, then you can be sure that the breasts would be pixelated, but the victims' intestines would be free to hang.
-Ray.
Originally posted by elvendreamgirlOK, *now* I need a cold shower!
dressing up your biscuits in costumes and taking time eating them slowly ....... 😀
I agree with the post that said something to the effect that breasts are pixillated, hanging intestines are not. What's wrong with people anyways? Why is sex such a taboo? Cows do it and they are content ...
I'll put my 2 cents in..
Trying not to become excessivly graphic and personal,
I'll use myself and my experiances as a reference.
I should state at the outset that we have a small daughter that
further complicates things. I think it's only natural for solid couples
(I think these are the ones needed to be studied since declining enthusiasm for intimicy is to be expected where feelings are cooler)
to have a shift in focus in life. Stability and security becomes much more important than before, and this is especially true when children are involved.
Most people I know are more or less driven by ambition. The constant struggle towards a goal, or the lamenting of seeming impssible obstacles. Finding a spouse is a common such goal. Once achieved, the focus is shifted. And more energy and time are spent on other things. When it comes to sex, I think, the changes in focus lead to
a shift in motive. At first sex and sexual ability is used as a tool to
confirm yourself and your partner. You're (note the asexual refrences here) most likely to do things that only are giving. That is: does not heighten Your actual, physical pleasure. The confirmation recieved
is enough for you, and all is well. When you start to grow as a couple however, confirmation in other areas become important to. You want
your partner to appreciate you for the efforts you make to improve life outside the bedroom.
At this point, sex is a little reduced towards being a need that has to be met, more or less like eating. A couple at this stage will gravitate towards a balanced sexual act, where giving and recieving is joined in a glorious unit of pure pleasure. Excuse the hyperbole :-)
This of course if the couple is sexually compatible.
Why then is it much more common that wives are acused of not doing
the fun stuff, than husbands?
Well in my experiance men (not all) have much more sexual self doubt. And thus have a greater need of sexual confirmation. This is probably because sex and sexual ability often is a matter of pride between men.
Fun sex is fun. Give it, dont demand it.
And always remember:
A well planned seduction is often very much appreciated.
<edit>
What ramble.
I started out in one direction and ended up somewhere else.
Hope you can understand what I'm trying to say.
</edit>
I think the problem lies with fidelity itself.
Obviously women are biologically geared to want to have the best off-spring in the safest of enviroments and obviously men are biologically geared to procreate as much as possible.
It's a proven fact (well, it was on Discovery channel...so there could be a flaw or two here....) that women are generally attracted to clean, healthy and wealthy men. But, that when they're ovulating they are more attracted to the 'masculine' man...rough and strong.
Seemingly females are far more likely to have sex out-side of marriage during ovulation than during other times.
Men generally will want to have sex any old time.
Marriage was an institution thought up to protect children. In the old days people couldn't afford to be single with children. There was just no way you could look after kids and work at the same time or not work and have enough money to live. (in Western culture). So marriage was basically a safety net.
This is thus the cause of the problem. Marriage entails fidelity (monogomy), but human nature is not geared (neither men nor women) to be monogomous.
So, it's not that sex with the current partner becomes more boring after a while (or after you marry...which is generally 'after a while' nowadays) it's more a case of having sex with someone else becoming more and more preferable.
Prior to meeting ALex, I had other sexual partners. I always enjoyed sex, but it was usually a quick thing, lacking much in the way for exploration. I only had one or two steady bfs, and still there wasn't much play. The main point of it was that I wanted to be satisfied, and he wanted to be satisfied. Since Alex and I have been together, and I have fallen in love for the first time in my life, I have totally changed my attitude about sex. Now I want to please him. I am not so interested in my own satisfaction. I still want it of course (Duh!), but we are both more interested in a mutually Yay! experience 😀
Originally posted by elvendreamgirlThis is exactly what I'm talking about. As you both get to know each other more the things that are most beneficial to you both will become what you do most often. It's a good thing. It shows you take a mutual intrest in each other. Seems to have all the earmarks of a great sexual relationship.
...Now I want to please him. I am not so interested in my own satisfaction. I still want it of course (Duh!), but we are both more interested in a mutually Yay! experience 😀
It does however tend to make sex less varied.