Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to you with regards to a new product of yours, namely "Tampax Compak ©".
As a man with a "sweet tooth" (not literally). I like to occasionally rummage through my girlfriend's handbag, for a confectionery item or two, as she too has a weakness for sugary treats, boiled sweets for example.
I'm sure already, you can tell where this is going.
Having just recently seen your televised public safety announcements/ infomercials regarding the dangers of the new Tampax Compak © (without however actually addressing the dangers themselves) I feel devastatingly ashamed and embarrassed to take you through the events that occurred just a few days ago. I would have telephoned your free advise line, I am however, still unable to speak.
Upon meeting my unusually aggressive and tense girlfriend at a café in BlueWater shopping centre, we sat down and ordered our coffees.
Noticing what I thought to be a "sachet" of sugar in my girlfriend's handbag, I delved in and retrieved what seemed to be an ordinary "sachet" of sugar. Instinctively I began to shake the sachet to get all the sugar to one end. It was at this point SHE piped up, almost yelling, I quote: "I thought you were on a diet, give me that back!"
Looking rather flushed she snatched the "sachet" from my grasp and marched off to the toilets. Sugar in hand.
My initial reaction was of course anger, thinking she was poking fun at my weight problem. I then decided to relieve my anger by satisfying my "sweet tooth". So I took my girlfriends absence as a good opportunity to get another "sugar sachet" (or two) from her handbag.
I was livid when I found she had a whole box of them! She was supposed to be on a diet too! "No wonder she keeps complaining of stomach ache!" I thought to myself as I grabbed a handful.
Quickly yet easily snapping the end off the attractive plastic wrapper, I was disappointed to discover the absence of sugar, however all was not lost, as I was delighted to find within some kind of "suck sweet". "I love boiled sweets!" I thought as I stuffed a few into my pocket for the boring shopping journey that lay ahead of me.
None the wiser, my girlfriend returned looking a lot less "concerned" and surprisingly comfortable. I assumed it was her love for shopping. We finished our unsweetened coffees and proceeded on our tedious shopping excursion.
Fifteen minutes into the journey she "just popped in" to Boots©, for something or other. While I just sat outside, bored, with only the sight of the pretty till workers to keep me occupied.
I remembered my sweets as a young girl sat next to me; I offered her one, only to get a dirty look and a back to me as she walked off.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMEN!!??" I shouted at her as she walked away.
Shaking my head in disbelief I popped a "sweet" into my mouth.
I sucked the 'sweet' and remember pulling an unsatisfied face due to the lack of flavour. I only wish that was the only thing unsatisfactory.
From here the next few hours are a bit of a blur. I can only go by what till workers and shoppers have told me and the CCTV images I have observed.
TAMPAX© (no matter how COMPAK© they are) are extremely absorbent.
Lucky enough this "sweet" was only of the "regular" absorbency, which I'm told is best for light to medium flow. Light to medium flow of what? I still wonder.
When my girlfriend ran outside to see what the commotion was about, she fought through the already gathering crowd, only to see me. WITH A RAPIDLY EXPANDING TAMPON IN MY THROAT.
Within minutes, my lips had gone blue and I had lost consciousness. I am told I have my girlfriend to thank for saving my life, as it was she who discovered the empty "sachet" and realised the simple remedy to the situation.
She quick thinkingly had opened my mouth and had found the ironically named "removal chord" stuck to the roof of my mouth. She relaxed, and pulled the chord in the same direction I had "inserted" the tampon into my throat. A little bit of mouth to mouth resuscitation and I was back.
Luckily the only two things that were damaged were my throat (temporarily) and my ego, as you can imagine.
I cannot help but think that marketing such dangerous objects as "sweets" is asking for things like this to happen.
I eagerly await your reply, and hope that it will include some kind of compensation. Although I most certainly do not want any more of your "sweets". Please do not hesitate contact me if you have any queries in the matter.
Yours Sincerely,
Robert Murphy
😕
Originally posted by Dr Strangeloveyou must have felt a right ????
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to you with regards to a new product of yours, namely "Tampax Compak ©".
As a man with a "sweet tooth" (not literally). I like to occasionally rummage through my girlfriend's handbag, for a confectionery item or two, as she too has a weakness for sugary treats, boiled sweets for example.
I'm sure already, you c ...[text shortened]... er.
Yours Sincerely,
Robert Murphy
😕
Originally posted by smartrrrrsNot as ill as i felt after I woke up from a mad party on a Sunday morning. I had a head like a bag of hammers. I went to the bathroom mirror, and there it was. A great string hanging out of my mouth and a lump in my throat.
you must have felt a right ????
All as I remember thinking was ,"Christ, I hope that's a tea-bag!" 😛
Carefully remove tampon from the plastic insert and cut off all but about a quarter of an inch of the tampon leaving the string attached to the 1/4 inch plug. Then reinsert into the plastic tube. Now you’re ready. Insert it into your nose and push. This will insert the 1/4 inch plug into your nose and leave the string hanging out. You then start shaking your head and groaning and saying, “Man, that hurts!” Everybody (except maybe a few women) will think it’s funny.