I was doing some research on an old TV show earlier and came accross some wise words of wisdom, the likes of which you just dont see anymore.
Laying a carpet is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay.
Originally posted by TyrannosauruschexðŸ˜
I was doing some research on an old TV show earlier and came accross some wise words of wisdom, the likes of which you just dont see anymore.
Laying a carpet is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay.
swiss toni:
Being in a car crash - Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. Pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.
Washing a car - Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.
Laying a carpet - Laying a carpet is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay.
Putting up a tent - Putting up a tent is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole and slip in to the old bag.
Going fishing - Of course, As you know, I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You know, I've often thought that going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.
Being in therapy - And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.
Making coffee - Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir gently and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.
Checking a second hand car - Checking the details of a second-hand car is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, verify her year of origin. She may look like she rolled off the production line in 1990 but who's to say the fellow before you didn't give her a good spraying?
Hanging wallpaper - Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.
Buying jewellery - Buying jewellery for a beautiful woman is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman. First you check the size of her ring to make sure it will fit. Then you end up giving her a pearl necklace.
It's pretty clear that neither of you have ever "made love" with a woman. You might have had sex, but that was probably less romantic than when you were with yourselves. "Making love" isn't anything close to what either of you wrote, and for something to be funny, it should at least have some relationship with reality. Otherwise, it's just stupid hostility grounded in frustration.
Let me give you a hint: Making love with a woman . . . is .. .like . .. .
flying to heaven on a soft cloud that accelerates slowly and gently and climbs higher than the highest mountains and rocks gently like the sea but blows wildly like a storm and finishes like a powerful hurricane shaking the very foundation of your soul. Making love with a woman is to experience your own birth and death, eternity and life, and love and beauty, all in a few moments that last the rest of your life. Making love with a woman makes you a man, and, if you are both very lucky, gives you a family, and a legacy. Making love with a woman is tender, satisfying, crazy insanely wonderful and heavenly devlish and wildly wonderful. Making love with a woman puts you to sleep, quietly and gently, softly landing you on that cloud, floating, warm, comfortable as the child in the bossom.
Go on now. Have your fun.
Originally posted by coquetteThink your missing something here......
It's pretty clear that neither of you have ever "made love" with a woman. You might have had sex, but that was probably less romantic than when you were with yourselves. "Making love" isn't anything close to what either of you wrote, and for something to be funny, it should at least have some relationship with reality. Otherwise, it's just stupid hostility ...[text shortened]... oud, floating, warm, comfortable as the child in the bossom.
Go on now. Have your fun.
Originally posted by coquetteMost men don't think of it quite like that 🙂 Or does that just confirm, yet again, that I chose the wrong man 😕
It's pretty clear that neither of you have ever "made love" with a woman. You might have had sex, but that was probably less romantic than when you were with yourselves. "Making love" isn't anything close to what either of you wrote, and for something to be funny, it should at least have some relationship with reality. Otherwise, it's just stupid hostility ...[text shortened]... oud, floating, warm, comfortable as the child in the bossom.
Go on now. Have your fun.
Originally posted by TyrannosauruschexIt's the other way about mate
I was doing some research on an old TV show earlier and came accross some wise words of wisdom, the likes of which you just dont see anymore.
Laying a carpet is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay.
A woman is like a good carpet.
Lay her right the first time, and you can walk on her for years 😛
Originally posted by coquetteDid you ever made love with a woman?
It's pretty clear that neither of you have ever "made love" with a woman. You might have had sex, but that was probably less romantic than when you were with yourselves. "Making love" isn't anything close to what either of you wrote, and for something to be funny, it should at least have some relationship with reality. Otherwise, it's just stupid hostility ...[text shortened]... oud, floating, warm, comfortable as the child in the bossom.
Go on now. Have your fun.
Originally posted by coquetteYou forgot to get all romantic about the wet tissues.
It's pretty clear that neither of you have ever "made love" with a woman. You might have had sex, but that was probably less romantic than when you were with yourselves. "Making love" isn't anything close to what either of you wrote, and for something to be funny, it should at least have some relationship with reality. Otherwise, it's just stupid hostility ...[text shortened]... oud, floating, warm, comfortable as the child in the bossom.
Go on now. Have your fun.
Originally posted by coquetteit's swiss toni, like I already pointed out. a comedy character about a chauvinistic car dealer. a caricature. google it up. or better yet, look it up on youtube.
It's pretty clear that neither of you have ever "made love" with a woman. You might have had sex, but that was probably less romantic than when you were with yourselves. "Making love" isn't anything close to what either of you wrote, and for something to be funny, it should at least have some relationship with reality. Otherwise, it's just stupid hostility ...[text shortened]... oud, floating, warm, comfortable as the child in the bossom.
Go on now. Have your fun.
this is what it's all about:
and you read way too much 'erotica', as in 'trash literature that appeals to women'.
Originally posted by wormwoodFurther, there was a known sense of irony in the portrayal of 'Swiss Toni.' It gradually emerges that he is a second hand car salesman who has lost his bottle because his wife has left him. Basically, "The Fast Show" were trying to say, through comedy, that no woman would ever stay with a man who still conformed to 80s stereotypes but you gals are so quick to assert your rights these days that you forgo your responsibility to think about whether your assertion to right is a valid one.
it's swiss toni, like I already pointed out. a comedy character about a chauvinistic car dealer. a caricature. google it up. or better yet, look it up on youtube.
this is what it's all about:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Mrup9TRlWM
and you read way too much 'erotica', as in 'trash literature that appeals to women'.
As for making love to a woman being compared to floating on a cloud blah blah blah 😵 Christ! Women are pretty much delusional about their love-making ability.
Here is a Jim Jeffries' rant to let you in the dirty little secret that most men are too nice to tell you about, ladies.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=7R9xjPsUk5o
[not for the kiddies.]
Originally posted by demonseedI think like everything it takes practice and maybe Jim Jeffries never stayed with anyone long enough to get it good with, maybe?
Here is a Jim Jeffries' rant to let you in the dirty little secret that most men are too nice to tell you about, ladies.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=7R9xjPsUk5o
[not for the kiddies.]