03 May 07
I've decided to publish a book on chess. I'm at the point in my life where I want to turn my hobby into a proffession.
So i've commenced writing a book on how to deflate your rating in forty days. Here's some tips i've come up with so far.
1. Play as quickly as you can
2. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
3. If you're playing in a tournament, be sure to kick everything in sight, including the judges and your ex at the table over.
4. When contemplating a possible mating combintation, let your time run out.
5. Always move each pawn at least 5 times before you move any other piece.
6. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
7. If you are unsure of which two moves is better, just think of what Jesus would do until your time runs out.
8. Never ever castle.
9. Remember this rhyme: "When your king is on your opponents side, be sure to sac your queen (something that rhymes with side).
10. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
11. Whenever possible, play blinfold whilst reciting "Romeo and Juliet" backwards in your head, and at the same time tap out this beat with your hands and feet:
12. Pretend the chess board is a hot ho' and make out with it if you're opponent does a particularly tactical move.
13. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
I don't think that's quite enough to publish a book, so I need a few more. Any suggestions?
03 May 07
Originally posted by LanndonKaneI've got you beat. My book is called "Sandbagging - How to drop your rating in forty hours."
I've decided to publish a book on chess. I'm at the point in my life where I want to turn my hobby into a proffession.
So i've commenced writing a book on how to deflate your rating in forty days. Here's some tips i've come up with so far.
1. Play as quickly as you can
2. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
3. If you're playi ...[text shortened]... think that's quite enough to publish a book, so I need a few more. Any suggestions?
Some of the rules are the same, but it's like seven minute abs - it's faster.
03 May 07
Originally posted by st00p1dfac3My book is for fat people and the mentally handicapped. They like to take it slow and cool, like me, so i've designed it to fit their needs.
I've got you beat. My book is called "Sandbagging - How to drop your rating in forty hours."
Some of the rules are the same, but it's like seven minute abs - it's faster.
03 May 07
Originally posted by LanndonKaneI used to play whilst tipsy.
2. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
6. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
10. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
13. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
It does indeed shag your rating like nothing else.
03 May 07
Originally posted by SquelchbelchI have to concur with the whisky (WHISKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AHHHHHhhhh men) drinking strategy.
I used to play whilst tipsy.
It does indeed shag your rating like nothing else.
Although I have found recently a more effective way. Now the whisky just f’ups your game. However a new woman in your life has the more devastating result of keeping you away from the board. So even after a session of fueling yourself on strong spirit you can’t even get close enough to the board to f’up your game. . . . Sounds like a saviour in disguise but no. TIMED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Works badly for me.
I am playing worse now than when I first beat my Dad at chess 22 years ago.
All because of me new woman. . . .
Hence the spike on my rating (Awwwww Matron!).
04 May 07
2 edits
Originally posted by EAPOEI'll add that.
I have to concur with the whisky (WHISKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AHHHHHhhhh men) drinking strategy.
Although I have found recently a more effective way. Now the whisky just f’ups your game. However a new woman in your life has the more devastating result of keeping you away from the board. So even after a session of fueling yourself on strong spirit you can’t even ...[text shortened]... rs ago.
All because of me new woman. . . .
Hence the spike on my rating (Awwwww Matron!).
1. Play as quickly as you can
2. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
3. If you're playing in a tournament, be sure to kick everything in sight, including the judges and your ex at the table over.
4. When contemplating a possible mating combintation, let your time run out.
5. Always move each pawn at least 5 times before you move any other piece.
6. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
7. If you are unsure of which two moves is better, just think of what Jesus would do until your time runs out.
8. Never ever castle.
9. Remember this rhyme: "When your king is on your opponents side, be sure to sac your queen (something that rhymes with side).
10. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
11. Whenever possible, play blinfold whilst reciting "Romeo and Juliet" backwards in your head, and at the same time tap out this beat with your hands and feet:
12. Pretend the chess board is a hot ho' and make out with it if you're opponent does a particularly tactical move.
13. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
14. Get a girlfriend.
04 May 07
Originally posted by LanndonKaneYou missed some of the most important ones:
I've decided to publish a book on chess. I'm at the point in my life where I want to turn my hobby into a proffession.
So i've commenced writing a book on how to deflate your rating in forty days. Here's some tips i've come up with so far.
1. Play as quickly as you can
2. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
3. If you're playi ...[text shortened]... think that's quite enough to publish a book, so I need a few more. Any suggestions?
1. Play as quickly as you can
2. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
3. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour during the game.
4. If you're playing in a tournament, be sure to kick everything in sight, including the judges and your ex at the table over.
5. When contemplating a possible mating combintation, let your time run out.
6. Always move each pawn at least 5 times before you move any other piece.
7. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
8. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour during the game.
9. If you are unsure of which two moves is better, just think of what Jesus would do until your time runs out.
10. Never ever castle.
11. Remember this rhyme: "When your king is on your opponents side, be sure to sac your queen (something that rhymes with side).
12. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
13. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour during the game.
14. Whenever possible, play blinfold whilst reciting "Romeo and Juliet" backwards in your head, and at the same time tap out this beat with your hands and feet:
15. Pretend the chess board is a hot ho' and make out with it if you're opponent does a particularly tactical move.
16. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
17. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour during the game.
04 May 07
1 edit
Originally posted by c99uxUPDATE
You missed some of the most important ones:
1. Play as quickly as you can
2. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
3. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour [b]during the game.
4. If you're playing in a tournament, be sure to kick everything in sight, including the judges and your ex at the table over.
5. When contemplating a p qour before a game.
17. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour during the game.[/b]
Anything highlighted is a guaranteed succesful tip.
1. Play as quickly as you can
2. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
3. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour during the game.
4. If you're playing in a tournament, be sure to kick everything in sight, including the judges and your ex at the table over.
5. When contemplating a possible mating combintation, let your time run out.
6. Always move each pawn at least 5 times before you move any other piece.
7. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
8. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour during the game.
9. If you are unsure of which two moves is better, just think of what Jesus would do until your time runs out.
10. Never ever castle.
11. Remember this rhyme: "When your king is on your opponents side, be sure to sac your queen (something that rhymes with side).
12. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
13. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour during the game.
14. Whenever possible, play blinfold whilst reciting "Romeo and Juliet" backwards in your head, and at the same time tap out this beat with your hands and feet:
15. Pretend the chess board is a hot ho' and make out with it if you're opponent does a particularly tactical move.
16. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour before a game.
17. Drink lots of whisky or other hard liqour during the game.[/b]
18. Treat the slightest whim of an inclination as divine inspiration. It's not to be questioned, but acted upon, unthinkingly, and quickly.
19. In relation to correspondence chess, play 1000 games (1/0 time controls) concurrently.
20. No plan is needed. Planning is for whimps and besides that all of the pieces know their propper place.
04 May 07
Playing stoned is never a sharp move. That's why my rating will always be low. I'm not known for my sharpness. Occasionally I will have a moment of inspiration while stoned that seems to be helping my chess, but to often it's the opposite effect. Just a totally dumb move or the obvious over looked situation.