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Originally posted by StarrmanI can say with 100% certainty that I would probably be in jail now if my father hadn't grabbed the belt once in a while...
Shouldn't you want to raise you child in the way you think is best for them, not because it was how you were raised? Unless of course you think your parents did a perfect job. I don't know, maybe they did, but in my experience all parents make mistakes and recreating those mistakes for the sake of tradition seems wrong.
The belt is never a better opti ...[text shortened]... it, but how will they learn why they should never do it.
I'm not busting your chops, man.
I was a little terrorist.
The trick, I believe, is just balance.
You [I] have to have two options, one being reasoning and one a spanking. You can't just lose your temper and assault the kid.
I use both, but when reasoning doesn't work, you have to take physical action. Either remove the kid from the situation, or a good age-appropriate spanking.
I know there are people who manage to raise great kids without once lifting a hand, but I've also seen what happens when this goes wrong - the kids turn out to be impossible brats.
I probably got one good spanking a month and I turned out OK 😉
Like I said, once I had calmed down and the tears were dried up, my dad always sat me down and had a chat with me.
Now I have the utmost respect for him, after I now see how easy it is to lose your temper with two screaming kids in the house.
The golden rule is, NEVER EVER spank a kid after you've lost your temper.
You have to make them stop the 'bad' behaviour before you get there.
Originally posted by CrowleyLets not forget there are the ones who turn out to be vicious thugs who think violence is the only answer too.
I can say with 100% certainty that I would probably be in jail now if my father hadn't grabbed the belt once in a while...
I was a little terrorist.
The trick, I believe, is just balance.
You [I] have to have two options, one being reasoning and one a spanking. You can't just lose your temper and assault the kid.
I use both, but when reasoning doesn' ...[text shortened]... e lost your temper.
You have to make them stop the 'bad' behaviour before you get there.
I can appreciate the stop them in their tracks before they do something really naughty technique, but the way I see it, it sets up a wall of frustration behind which their natural desire to test boundaries sits. It can dissipate, or it can create too much impetus to do the thing they're meant not to. The latter leads to a sort of dam burst effect which is much harder to deal with. If used properly, reasoning with them and giving them the time to think about their actions, which 'the naughty step' does, allows them to calm down and also gets rid of the desire to test that particular boundary, whilst asserting their own ability for self control. You encourage them to take control for their own actions instead of acting like arbiter and punisher.
Channelling their desire to explore instead of blocking it seems to make more sense to me.
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Originally posted by StarrmanThat's the thing. Every child is different and new parents, like me, needs to try and gauge.
Lets not forget there are the ones who turn out to be vicious thugs who think violence is the only answer too.
I can appreciate the stop them in their tracks before they do something really naughty technique, but the way I see it, it sets up a wall of frustration behind which their natural desire to test boundaries sits. It can dissipate, or it can crea
Channelling their desire to explore instead of blocking it seems to make more sense to me.
I don't have a cemented mindset like some of the dudes who hang out in the Debacle forum. One just cannot decide that 'naughty' gets ONLY a spanking or ONLY reasoning.
I try my best to reason with her, but if she decides to test me too far then I believe the option must be there to physically act, whether it's a spank or pick her up and engage with something else.
Reasoning just doesn't always work. If works with yours then you are extremely lucky.
What I believe one should never do is put her in situations where she can, for example, break something of value to you which can lead to temper loss. If you leave the vase where she can reach it, don't be angry if she breaks it.
Originally posted by huckleberryhoundHa! There was a mum who gave her kids somehting to help them sleep at a playgroup once advising me that in all seriousness! I smilled and said nothing 😉
Calpol smoothies
I went to bed at 3.30am but the older two were still awake, they say they fell asleep at 6.30 😲
I'm actually thinking it'd be okay to have two more kids.
Originally posted by trev33If they don't listen to their parents at midnight, what makes you think they'll listen to their parents at 6am??
toffee popcorn + late night + friends together for a night = not going to sleep anytime soon.
trust me, let them stay up for as long as they like and then wake them up at 6am.
Originally posted by yo its melook, i think you should turn off the computer and start being a parent. maybe if you paid more attention to them, they'd pay more attention to you....
They, well three of them, are playing a game called heads up thumbs down where one lies down and the others decide one to pinch them and they have to guess who it was. The other two (the one who was asleep, wasn't after all) are upstairs getting too loud.
At least they've all brushed their teeth. It's going to be a long night 🙁
Originally posted by CrowleyYOU DON'T HIT YOUR KID!
I can say with 100% certainty that I would probably be in jail now if my father hadn't grabbed the belt once in a while...
I was a little terrorist.
The trick, I believe, is just balance.
You [I] have to have two options, one being reasoning and one a spanking. You can't just lose your temper and assault the kid.
I use both, but when reasoning doesn' ...[text shortened]... e lost your temper.
You have to make them stop the 'bad' behaviour before you get there.
All you do is show them violence solves problems, which they in turn will do.
In Canada you could have your child taken from you!
Originally posted by uzlessThat's interesting that you feel you can critique my parenting.
look, i think you should turn off the computer and start being a parent. maybe if you paid more attention to them, they'd pay more attention to you....
I've never felt the need to do that not even over the internet! I've commented to my hubby about another parent and the decisions they make or the way they treat their kids. I once made a comment in ear shot about a mum who screamed at her kid for walking infrount of someone else as he steped out of the car....I did phone social services on a mum who let a suspected pedo take care of her kids (a lot) but that's it. I just wouldn't feel it was my place becasue everyone has different opnions, parenting ideas and experience.
As it happens you've picked something that I do ponder, weather I spend too much time here instead of playing with the kids and so usually I'm here either while they're at school or asleep. I find there needs to be time I set aside for me outside of being mum.
Originally posted by Very RustyThat is seriously idiotic reasoning.
YOU DON'T HIT YOUR KID!
All you do is show them violence solves problems, which they in turn will do.
In Canada you could have your child taken from you!
How is giving a toddler a smack on the bum when she lets go of your hand and runs into a street teaching her that violence solves problems?
Will she tun into a crazy serial killer who snipes jay-walkers?
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Originally posted by yo its meI'm sorry but there is no way they will go to sleep until they want to! Even if you turn the lights out they'll giggle all through the night!!
Any ideas?
5 children awake, it's midnight.
3 playing mario on the wii and two watching a film.
Just shut the door, go upstairs and sleep yourself - eventually they'll drop off.
One tip though which always works in the end is to put a film on that they all want to watch - if they're focused on the film together they'll go to sleep.
midnight is nothing - I was up till 6 on all sleepovers!!
😀