Since there doesn't seem to be much embarrassment about the threads of late and seeing I had a God awful incident happen to me last Monday, I thought I'd share it all with y's...for prosperity's sake. Or something.
But it doesn't start on Monday; that's only the climax to a horrible, nasty and highly uncomfortable situation that has its roots in teenage acne.
When I was 17 (ohhh...long before most of you were born) I was dead skinny. This in itself wasn't so much of a problem, but I dressed completely in black. This too wasn't much of an issue, but I had long, dark, greasy, curly hair hanging all down my face and back.
In fact, I probably could have got away with this in a Gothic, Cure sort of a way. But I had acne. Lots of it. In fact, one of my nicknames was Pizza face.
Well, to top this all off I thought it wise to wear eye-pencil. I'm not exactly sure why, Bruce Springsteen didn't, but I thought it looked good.
Sigh.
Anyways, as you can probably guess, I wasn't exactly the catch of the school, the quintessential batchelor or anything hungered after by hordes of beautiful women.
But I had (and still have) taste. And I was in love with the most beautiful girl at highschool (it's like a teenage romcom, coming to age story, but this one obviously has a nasty ending...my life ain't Hollywood, pal!).
She played hockey, was very popular and had a body to die for.
A friend once described my chances as: "I think she'd rather play with maggots."
I've got a million friends!
Anyways, much like the eye-pencil, I thought it a good idea to send her a valentines card. Which I promptly did. And which one of my millions of friends blabbed about and I was the laughing stock of the school for more than a week.
My friends decided I needed to boost my profile and told me I should just go up to her door and ask her out. In my infinite teenage wisdom I though that was a cracking idea.
So, I rang her doorbell and her father answered the door.
I asked if Francis was home and he called up to her. She came to the door with a sexy, beautiful, hockey playing friend at side.
I panicked. I didn't know what to say. And all that came out of me was: "Do you want to come out and play."
There's no need to go into details the nuclear explosion my ego had to withstand for the rest of the year.
Right. Back up to date now. My latest girlfriend wanted to go to the sauna last Monday (do you feel it coming? Do you? Do you sense the impending doom hidden in that last sentence?).
So, we went to the sauna. Dutch saunas are nude, by the way...
I'm no longer skinny. In fact, one could justifiably argue that I'm the exact opposite. Skinny is not so much a problem, but more of an aim, one could say. My hair is no longer greasy. In fact, there's a race going on in the hair department: baldness verses greyness; the race is about equal at the moment.
It's winter. I'm not sun-tanned. To sum it all up: if I went to a nude beach, Greenpeace would probably try to drag me back into the ocean.
So, I hung up my bathrobe and turn around. And guess who's standing right in front of me, naked, fit as hell, well tanned and God awfully sexy? Yup. Francis.
She smiled at me and said: "Hello."
And not for the first time in my life I panicked. I really didn't know what to do.
And in my ultimate wisdom I decided it was best for all involved to act like I didn't know her and I scurried off, looking at my feet.
Well, I say scurried off, but my latest girlfriend came up to me when she found me hiding in a whirlpool.
Do you know what she said?
"Mark," she whispered, "You shouldn't run around naked in the sauna. It wasn't a pleasant sight. Everyone was laughing."
36 years old...
Man oh man.
🙁
Originally posted by shavixmirOh, I feel for ya man, but you're just making it worse for yourself - you got me laughing at you now - that's one more to the list!
Since there doesn't seem to be much embarrassment about the threads of late and seeing I had a God awful incident happen to me last Monday, I thought I'd share it all with y's...for prosperity's sake. Or something.
But it doesn't start on Monday; that's only the climax to a horrible, nasty and highly uncomfortable situation that has its roots in teenag ...[text shortened]... ryone was laughing."
36 years old...
Man oh man.
🙁
Originally posted by shavixmirShav, my good friend, I admire your ability to write about your experiences. I must say though, that you have missed an important lesson in life...
Since there doesn't seem to be much embarrassment about the threads of late and seeing I had a God awful incident happen to me last Monday, I thought I'd share it all with y's...for prosperity's sake. Or something.
But it doesn't start on Monday; that's only the climax to a horrible, nasty and highly uncomfortable situation that has its roots in teenag ...[text shortened]... ryone was laughing."
36 years old...
Man oh man.
🙁
You should only play games that you have a chance of winning. Yeah, never, ever play a game where you are out of your environment or will feel bad about unless it's for a learning experience.
Since I assume that your escapades have taken you well beyond the normal life experiences then I must reach out to you and tell you - you're older now. Don't try to compete with the young group anymore. Be a Grand Master and only play the game when the odds favor you. There ARE situations where an experienced, older male would be a winner, but probably not in a nude situation with a lot of younger folk.
Cheers, and keep up your beautiful posts. 🙂
Originally posted by ArrakisYou should only play games that you have a chance of winning.
Shav, my good friend, I admire your ability to write about your experiences. I must say though, that you have missed an important lesson in life...
You should only play games that you have a chance of winning. Yeah, never, ever play a game where you are out of your environment or will feel bad about unless it's for a learning experience.
Since I assume ...[text shortened]... a nude situation with a lot of younger folk.
Cheers, and keep up your beautiful posts. 🙂
I can see where you're coming from (as do many old karate masters, I can assure you!), but where's the growth? I mean, Shav's not an old git yet! He's still got lots to learn and do....
However, when it comes to women, you may be right... No point going in for a Ferrari, if you've only got the capacity for a mini, so to speak...
Originally posted by scottishinnzShav is an old man (no offense, buddy). His lack of sleep, poisons in his body, poor diet and lack of exercise have given him the body of a 60 year old man. Maybe he has 10 years left to live - maybe less.
[b]You should only play games that you have a chance of winning.
I can see where you're coming from (as do many old karate masters, I can assure you!), but where's the growth? I mean, Shav's not an old git yet! He's still got lots to learn and do....
However, when it comes to women, you may be right... No point going in for a Ferrari, if you've only got the capacity for a mini, so to speak...[/b]
But don't misunderstand my post. I'm not criticizing him, I'm just dealing with the current situation at hand.
*** A candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long ***
Originally posted by Arrakiswhich is fine if you need twice the light to see twice as far but you know ahead of time you won't need it that long.
Shav is an old man (no offense, buddy). His lack of sleep, poisons in his body, poor diet and lack of exercise have given him the body of a 60 year old man. Maybe he has 10 years left to live - maybe less.
But don't misunderstand my post. I'm not criticizing him, I'm just dealing with the current situation at hand.
*** A candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long ***
Originally posted by wormwoodHahaha
you're missing the essential:
Originally posted by shavixmir
[b]...standing right in front of me, naked, fit as hell, well tanned and God awfully sexy...
you fat, lucky bastard.[/b]
That's a nice way of looking at things.
I bet your the sort of person who, when losing a leg in a freak motorcycle accident, says: "Oh, not to worry, I didn't like them socks anyways..."
Originally posted by shavixmirmy glass is always half full and there's another bottle waiting in the fridge. I'm gonna go open it now.
Hahaha
That's a nice way of looking at things.
I bet your the sort of person who, when losing a leg in a freak motorcycle accident, says: "Oh, not to worry, I didn't like them socks anyways..."
Originally posted by shavixmirDid you give her a "salute?" 😛
Since there doesn't seem to be much embarrassment about the threads of late and seeing I had a God awful incident happen to me last Monday, I thought I'd share it all with y's...for prosperity's sake. Or something.
But it doesn't start on Monday; that's only the climax to a horrible, nasty and highly uncomfortable situation that has its roots in teenag ...[text shortened]... ryone was laughing."
36 years old...
Man oh man.
🙁